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Old December 12th, 2008, 02:50 AM posted to rec.travel.usa-canada,rec.travel.australia+nz
John Kulp
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Posts: 2,535
Default Report from the US, a nice but somewhat backward country.

Well written and funny, but not entirely accurate. See below.


On Thu, 11 Dec 2008 13:30:33 +0100, Frank Slootweg
wrote:

[Crossposted to rec.travel.usa-canada and rec.travel.australia+nz

For 'reasons' you don't want to know/hear, this time we ended up in
the US - well, actually California, not the real US, but you get my
drift.

I've been to the US on many business trips and worked in California
for about ten weeks. As the rta+n audience is probably painfully aware
of, we pestered the Aussies with not just one trip down-under, but seven
of them. So I feel - probably totally unjustified - qualified to comment
on the US/California from an Oz-traveller's perspective.

So enjoy/suffer, or hit 'n(ext)' NOW.

I won't comment on the 'immigration' disgrace. After all, it's not
fair to judge a country and its people on their government/
'administration', is it? OTOH, I probably *could* be persuaded to
elaborate.

In no particular order, mainly in order of occurance.

1. American rental car rates are a steal.

We payed only 22 Euro - about 28 US$ - per day for a 'compact' car,
including full insurance. Are you kidding me!? For that kind of
money, why would you want to buy/own/maintain a car?


Rates change by season, events going on etc. You should have tried
renting one here in Denver during Obama's convention and see how cheap
they were, though overall you're right. Which says more about
European rental ripoffs than it does us.


2. Contrary to urban legend, American cars actually *do* have a boot/trunk.

The lady at Alamo/National tried to convince us that our two small
suitcases would not fit in the boot/trunk/whatever and tried to
prove that with silly graphics. She offered a quite expensive
upgrade to a 'mid-size'. Being quite dead after the long flight from
Munich (*Don't* ask!), we fell for it. At light the next morning, we
saw that the mid-size didn't only fit our suitcases, but also those
of the whole bloody motel. So we went back and got the booked
compact. We could choose it ourselves and opted for a sporty
two-door Chevy Cobalt. A very nice car, for an American one, that
is. Sadly enough my wife didn't appreciate me, temporarily,
exchanging her for a 20-year old, otherwise I would've looked even
'hotter' than I already did.


Found out what rental car agents on commission do, did you?


3. American cars have built-in invisible nice-ladies.

When we picked up the car it was dark and we could not read the
driving instructions to the motel, so I pulled over and (thought I)
switched on the interior light. A nice lady said: "Are you in
trouble? Can I help you?". I explained what I tried to accomplish.
While she could not point me to the right switch, it was a nice but
somewhat scary experience. The whole trip, we were *very* careful,
not to push the 'nice_lady-button' again.


Boo!!


4. American petrol/gas stations charge what they bloody well like.

While American petrol/gas prices are still ridiculously low compared
to Oz/Europe, prices vary by upto a *factor* of two within a short
distance, sometimes even a few miles or even less. I realize that
there's hardly any tax part in the price, so it's mostly 'cost', but
the real cost can't vary that much within such a small area.


That's what happens when you have free markets that are not
monopolized. You get a choice.


5. Americans don't quite grasp what the 'G' in GSM stands for.

They apparently think it means 'the whole world except us', so they
use a different, incompatible frequency.
Luckily our son has more mobile phones than underpants, so he gave
us - no less than three - 'old' multi-band ones. Problem solved, at
least we *thought* so.


Funny, I have one I bought here that works anywhere in the world.


6. Americans don't quite grasp that SIMs can be put in *other* phones.

Having a multi-band phone, I went to buy a pre-paid SIM. No such
thing in the US! You can only buy a SIM *and* phone. Duh! I already
*have* a (compatible) phone, *three* of them!


Completely wrong. Just do a search for "pre-paid SIM in the US" and
see what you find.


7. Americans don't grasp that mobile phones are actually ... ummm ...
*phones*.

When I wanted/needed to register the pre-paid AT&T GoPhone mobile
phone which I had to buy, AT&T insisted on having me use *another*
phone to perform the registration procedure. Duh! What about using
the bloody mobile phone itself, like is done in every other
country!?


You just found out why nobody uses ATT here. There are lots of other
you know.


8. Americans don't realize that salt-lakes don't need mobile-phone
coverage, but that towns *do*.

When we found out that our (main) credit-card was blocked (In the
*US*, with a blocked credit-card! The sheer horror!), we also found
that there was no mobile-phone coverage in Lone Pine. Later I saw on
the coverage maps, that by stunning engineering the network people
managed to fully cover the big salt-lake to the south-east of the
town, while completely evading the town itself. No mean feat!


You were in Utah. They're too busy taking care of their multiple
wives there to bother with frivolity like that.


9. Americans can't drive.

They have the "Keep your lane" *theory*, which has its advantages
and disadvantages, but they interpret it in *practice* as "Keep the
left lane", which is the worst of all possible solutions, because
now some of them find themselves behind a slower car in the right
(pun unintented) lane, and have to merge into *faster* traffic,
instead of into slower.

On single-lane (per direction) roads, it's even worse. They don't
know how to (not) overtake. Suddenly they find themselves behind
another car, which is driving *less* than umpteen percent over the
speed limit. Totally confused, they stay there, bumper to bumper,
for several minutes. Then they apparently realize that that is not
a particularly civil thing to do and back off. Next they stay
*there* for many more minutes, waiting for the opportunity where
they can't pass or/and it's not allowed to pass. *Then* they pass.
Well, actually they don't. They do something and move to the left.
When a front to front collision is imminent, their automatic gearbox
apparently decides that the car actually *can* accelerate, and they
miss their opponent by an inch, and are on their way to their next
attempt to kill eachother.


You were just running into New Jersey tourists. Most of us do know
how to drive. Except seniors who will signal a turn for about 10
miles.


10. Americans don't have coffee.

Of course we were not stupid enough to just ask for "coffee". After
all we've been to Oz and know that "coffee" is not for human
consumption. So we check if they have 'speciality' coffees. Some of
them have the audacity to claim that they have cappuccino, but that
has everything *other* than (espresso) coffee and steamed milk in
it, and is splattered with all kind of silly syrups which make your
eyes pop. All in all, we had only four decent/good coffees, two of
which in San Francisco. Rather pathetic.


Hmmm. Must be why I load up on Swedish coffee everytime I go there.


N.B. Of course the Americans also do not have beer, but that fact is
so indisputable, I won't have to get into *that* one.


Not even close. We have tons of microbreweries that produce beers
that are every bit as good as any beer anywhere in the world. And
widely availble in any liquor store as well. Try a Sam Adams
sometime.


11. Americans don't realize that you don't *have* to 'deep' fry fish.

Why do they insist on deep frying perfectly good fish, even in
places which are directly on the coast, like Morro Bay and
(Fisherman's Warf in) San Francisco? If they don't *like* fish, then
why not just not order/eat it!? No sense in ruining it for others.


Should have gone to Chinatown where they know how to do fish fine.
They're Americans too you know.


Now some - somewhat - nice comments:

12. Americans know how to merge onto freeways.

Because they're wimps, they merge onto freeways quite flawlessly and
their opponents on the freeway let them get away with it! What's
*wrong* with these people!? Don't they know that if you want to
merge onto a freeway, you just switch on your indicator (if you're
an idiot) and move to the left, tough sh*t on the other guy(s)! And
the other guy(s) do everything in their power, like brake/
accelerate, to prevent them get away with it! *That* is how you/we
do these things!


And the way I always doing it, flipping them the bird as I go by.


13. The American all-way stop system on road-crossings is nice.

It takes a little get used to and is sometimes not very efficient,
but it's safe and nice.


Until you run into little old ladies that can't remember who is in
what order. We call that a Mexican standoff here.


14. Americans actually stop for pedestrians.

This one also takes getting used to, but also is quite nice and
safe. Sometimes you're not even trying or wanting to cross the
street and you see stopped cars all around, patiently waiting for
you to make up your bloody mind.


That's because we don't want them denting our nice cars.


15. Americans are mostly nice, friendly people.

We mostly met and talked with nice, friendly people. That's of
course because we're so bloody nice ourselves.


We love foreigners. They're so cute!!


Some noteable examples out of (very) many:

The ranger at the Joshua Tree Visitor Centre, oops, Center was so
nice and enthousiastic that we changed our plan/route according to
his recommendations, and loved every minute of it.

A car salesman with a good sense of humo[u]r: In Pahrump (Nevada) we
walked from the motel to the 'restaurant'. We passed a car-sales
outfit and the salesman said "Oh, people without a car, and they
have to *walk*! How sad!". I said he could sell me a car if he would
deliver it to my home for a thousand bucks, but he didn't fell for
it. Good on him! (Yes, that's actually proper proper English!)


With the car market being what it is, they'll try anything.


To put things in perspective, they were even so nice to give us a
reference point in a staff-member from hell in a Best Western motel
somewhere. To set the tone, she was 'preceded' by two young,
clueless, incompetent and inaudible others. She managed to treat us
like dirt / non-existing for problems which the *motel* caused.


There are another kind?


Well, that's about it I think, at least for the moment. If anyone is
interested in our actual trip - i.e. where we went, why, what we saw,
etc. - then let me know.

If anyone has any doubts, we *loved* our trip and would do something
similar again in a flash, so you Seppos aren't all that bad!