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Subject: Diary of a Brisbane Summer


Diary of a Brisbane Summer (by a Pom)

August 31st:
Just got transferred with work into our new home in Brisbane!! Now this is
a city that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy
evenings. What a place! I watched the sunset from a deck chair on the
verandah. It was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.

September 13th:
Really heating up. Got to 35 today. Not a problem. Live in an
air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see
the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshiper.

September 30th:
Had the backyard landscaped with tropical plants today. Lots of palms And
rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawn for me. Another
scorcher today, but I love it here.

October 10th:
The temperature hasn't been below 30 all week. How do people get used to
this kind of heat? At least today it's kind of windy though. But getting
used to the heat and humidity is taking longer that I Expected

October 15th:
Fell asleep by the pool. Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body. Missed 3
days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to
respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.

October 20th:
I missed Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By
the time I got to the hot car for lunch, Kitty had died and swollen up to
the size of a shopping bag and stank up the $3,000 leather upholstery. told
the kids that she ran away. The car now smells like Wiskettes and
cats.h.i.t. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat.

October 25th:
The wind sucks. It feels like a giant bloody blow dryer!! And it's hot As
hell. The home air-conditioner is on the blink and the AC repairman Charged
$200 just to drive over and tell me he needed to order parts.

October 30th:
Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now. Bloody $450,000 House
and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?

November 4th:
It's 35 degrees. Finally got the ol' air-conditioner fixed today. It Cost
$500 and gets the temperature down to 25, but this bloody humidity Makes the
house feel like it's about 30. Stupid repairman. I hate this stupid place.

November 8th:
If another wise a.r.s.e cracks, "Hot enough for you today?" I'm going to
strangle him. Bloody heat. By the time I get to work the car's radiator was
boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like bloody cat
s.h.i.t and whiskettes.

November 9th:
Tried to run some messages after work. Wore shorts, and sat on the Black
leather seats in the ol' car. I thought my arse was on fire. I lost 2 layers
of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and My arse. Now my car
smells like burnt hair, fried a.r.s.e, and baked cat.

November 10th:
The weather report might as well be a bloody recording. Hot and sunny. Hot
and sunny. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do anything for 2 damn Months
and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it Ever
rain in this damn place? Water rationing will be next, so my $2,000 worth of
palms just might dry up and blow into the bloody pool. Even the palms can't
live in this heat.

November 14th:
Welcome to HELL!!! Temperature got to 38 today. Now the air-conditioner's
gone in my car. The repairman came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you
today?" My wife had to spend the $2,500 house payment to bail my a.r.s.e out
of jail for assaulting the repairman. Bloody Brisbane. What kind of a sick
demented idiot would want to live here?

December 1st:
WHAT????? This is the first day of Summer???? You are f*cking kidding...