"Mike O'sullivan" wrote in message
...

"Mean Mr Mustard" wrote in message
m...
Unfortunately, I drew the short straw and will be heading to Europe on
a business trip this summer. Now my primary concern is just making
sure I get through this trip and back to the US safely in one piece.
I figure this will be a challenging task with all the reports of
anti-American protests and assaults on American tourists.

That said I'm trying to compile a list of tactics that will prevent me
from being a target:

1. Never dress casual - I figure most Americans can be spotted a mile
away by something "wrong" with their wardrobe. Tailored English suit
should help keep me out of trouble.
2. No shouting or raised voices - Always speak at a level tone
3. Show no emotion - No laughing, no smiling, no signs of frustration
or desperation.
4. Do not leave the hotel except for business - When the business
meetings are over, head straight back to the hotel and stay there.
5. No American greetings - "Hey", "Hi", "Howdy" and "Yo" are banned.
6. No hand gestures when talking - especially no pointing
7. Walk upright; do not flail arms too wildly when walking.
8. "Bob's Your Uncle" - Rumor has it that this phrase will stop an on
coming mob of hooligans in their tracks but I haven't confirmed this?
9. Correct words - "petrol" instead of "gas" or "fag" instead of
"cigarrette"
10. Little Canadian flag lapel pin - Last resort, but I think the
Europeans would just assume I'm an American trying to fool them with a
little Canadian flag pin.

11. Lose 200 pounds
12. Eat green vegetables openly
13. Don't ask for the bathroom unless you actually need a bath.

14. Don't go into the Bank to complain when the ATM delivers local currency.
15. Order beer in McDonalds, NOT coffee.
16. Carry an umbrella at all time.
17. If you visit England, go into your nearest hostelry (pub) and shout "fill
the bar".

JohnT