the adventures of the land surfer in oz

spack attack
+++

oh hi psychic blog

+++
oasis
'wonderwall'
+++


this better be good melody

i missed yr call
was out doin
somethin i shouldnt


i was thinkin on

th death of my character


rock n roll paulie


so i guess umm

+++

at least th song fits

+++


yr too good looking and


female

to be my case worker

+++

didnt th ****heads tell ya
i was allergic to girls


oh dear

+++

let's see if yr cleverer

than th boys

+++

i;d about decided

to burn rock n roll paulie
in effigy

on new years eve

i spend new years eve alone so



it could be fun

+++
placebo
'running up that hill'
+++

maybe with
th pirate pants on it

or maybe
th clown pants


i dont need em anymore

+++

th drugs havent kicked in yet

th nuts are


as rotten as ever


here ya ****in mungrel testicles


smoek this

++

i was too out of it
is as good an excuse
as any other

+++

****in rock n roll paulie


ridin up and down

th fortitude valley


hill



stoppin to sing
with is busker friends

and parkin th unicycle

alongside the wall

+++

my twin soul brother is right

there's nothin special


in

unrequited love


and drugs n

rock n roll


+++

any guy
can sing with five buskers in a night and

not get laid or
paid

+++
sugababes
'overload'
+++

worse for me

th ****ers encouraged me

+++

it isnt ****in art

+++

and i cant sing

liek a girl


anymore

bein told i'm


multi talented

+++

that just makes it worse

+++

i dont

need to sit on strete corners


in th fortitude valley

till dawn


busting my hump

on a mad

unicycle and



singin songs


i can not get laid


without goin to anywhere near

as much trouble

+++


six ****ing yrs


+++

i dunno paulie

+++


"u just didnt see my point of view before"

my diary read good

"says u"

+++

"look jenny"
"th **** deserves to die"

"th most useless"
"character we've ever dreamed up"


+++

slidin to a stop

on th motionless

unicycle wheel

+++
city high
'song for you'
+++

ah well

i havent done it

for five months

+++

i can take
solace

that after six yrs
i finally grew a brain


"with a little help from th local council"
thanks so much guys

i paid th fine

ridin a bicycle

a girls bike
safety bocycle

thru th fortitude valley mall


annoyed me so much

i was on a unicycle

and it's

the fortitude valley entertainment precinct


i stopped goin

+++


and five months
of th blackban

on th valley
has given me



distance

+++

gone back and
read this very same
psychic blog of mine and


wot was i thinking ?

+++

dill

+++


singin with five diffeent buskers and


i wasnt

a busker


not in th hat

+++

so i rarely got anything

from th crowd


just from th muso's


drink and
drugs


dependin on th guy

+++

and every time but one

in six yrs


i spent more


drivin in and

gettin prepared


than i came home with

+++
tokyo ghetto pussy
'i want you'
+++

dont think so


utter failure

+++

but i enjoyed it at th time

+++

course

in surfer paradise


doin th same things

got me laid


in th doorway of a nightclub


but i dont wanna

go back singin there either

+++


bit casual for me


th sex and

morticia dried up


amazing

a chick who ****s 12 times a day


+++

that part of my

psychic blog


was fun to read

and write

+++

the land surfer

has reclaimed his body


and rock n roll paulie

is such a pitiful character


we're killing him off

+++

it's my diary

can do wot i want

+++

th yonger crowd
and th blow ins

dont remember
rock n roll george

+++

gorgeous fj holden
twin fox tails


last of th bodgies

+++

wonder wot brizzy's history
will say about me

last of th hippies

+++

or somethin similar

+++

rock n roll george was an icon

for well over 20 yrs

i know we never gave im anything

+++

but ****

+++

i still miss ya man


remember drivin my beetle

into town
at 17

and cuttin off yr fj

at th light

+++

i was young and stupid


instead of
old and stupid
liek now

+++

least i ride a man;s bike


**** near fell over today

when i told him i was 44

+++
marianne faithfull
'pirate jenny'
+++

starin at my sixpack abs and

lithe body

+++

i got th wrong colour skin

to play in th valley

+++

i go from
maybe half aboriginal to


let;s be kind and say 90%

+++

and bein pirate jenny

singin liek a girl liek i do



stealin my brothers body to go out

cause he's a pretty mellow dude

+++

the land surfer


both of us

that is


jacked up

+++

i've heard one too many
racial slurs

whiel i sing

+++

makin me forget i'm
half dutch

not that they care

+++

almost as bad as


he was gunna have a sexhcnage


oh he's a girl


got a girl in him

and they only see



th girl

+++

and not th two hours

frenzied





on th edge



extreme unicycling

in th city


before i sang


one ****in note

on a strete corner

+++
nirvana
'polly'
+++

i vote with th land surfer

we kill th ****


wot say u black ?

+++

..
..
..

he walked off to grab a bourbon

blk ?

+++

"do u wish to speak to th artist known as blk"
yes pls

"i dont think it;s art"
th music jams were nice

"i got enough muso mates"

ok

+++
bob marley
'dont worry be happy'
+++

so i'll get to sing then

"i guess"

+++

"and th two""
"who still wanna sing with ya"


"outside th street"
"have both left the street"

we're in th wrong town
"are where we are"

+++

changin y sig today

"ok"

+++

my testicles

have voted

+++

looked after better

on th unicycle


no point in stopping

to sing


especially

for unrequited love


and drugs n rock n roll

+++

th drugs are as unreliable

as th women


"money"

hmmm


+++

sorry
a uncicyle
looks after
testicles


better than a woman

who generally doesnt at all

+++
led zeppelin
'gallows pole'
++++

dont tell me that u love me

u'll use my disability


to hurt me

on purpose


every chick before u

has


and every ****ing one

say she's th exception

+++

crap on bitch

+++

real man's testicles

+++

cant sit next to a woman
without


startin t produce
excess sperm


99%
dont

believe

+++


besides

only young men say they get that



in puberty

+++

wot am i gunna tell this case worker

+++

leavin magic

well out of it


+++

th witchdoctor is on a pension


for his nuts



and rolls into his case meetings

on a unicycle

+++
U2
'sunday bloody sunday'
+++

no i aint tellin ya
i was off gettin some reddies

so i can buy drugs
for th after xmas period


cause i always go dry and
last yr was hell

+++

cant ride my wheelchair

no flying drugs and


+++

crash and burn

+++

i rang kuta lady
new yrs eve


right in th middle of her fight

with barbie girl


wot are u charmed bitches gettin up to ?

i got signs breakin out on my forehead

+++

i know it;s u cause


of th condtion it's


throwin

on my face


speak

+++


dropped a gorgeous blonde


barbie girl

on th side of th highway


on new yrs eve



up there

amongst th rioters


cause you were arguin

+++
mr oizo
'flat beat'
+++

be ****ed dear

u got one very angry witchdoctor on th phone

+++

and sure enough
u put yr key in th ignition

and yr ****in car
tried to run over yr leg


th next morning

+++

didnt actually harm ya

just


give ya a bit of a fright

+++

i have to go and be a
black ****
for a bit


scuse i


..
..
..


wot did yr last ****in black **** die of ?

"he didnt move quick enough"

..
..
..

katie noonan
'what;s goin on ?'
+++

just normal human behaviour

between brothers

+++

**** yr a lazy ****

+++

can work liek a dog and then

just loves t play boss

+++

i'm wearin a sarong and

i'll have t change to shorts


oh and

i saw yr tranny friend


in th traffic on th way home

ah no


i dint tell him that

+++


when i get around to it


already put out kevvies bins and



flanders is away


so his too



and ours

+++
nirvana
'something in the way'
+++

there's a reason
i;ve got a sixpack

and u've got a paunch
young victoria smarter than u ****s

+++

watches me come and go


the land surfer



wot she sees

+++

th hard grind

puttin miles on th wheel

+++

not today gracie


bits still sore

+++

rode hard on th weekend

playin up


just at a different time

and in a different location

+++

everything pales

+++
cake
'i will survive'
+++


wot other adventures

havent i lived yet

+++

flight test
continues

on the suspension
monoshock unicycle

prototype

+++

six yrs

if it was possible


to murder a

previous personality


i'd do u ****

+++

****in addict

+++


music addict

+++

"gotta play nice for this party on th weekend"

the wake


that;s diffferent

+++

****

+++

i said
in print

i'd see paul's ban

on th valley
another six months

i wanna change it to



life

+++


i stayed outta there
for twenty yrs


th first time

+++
something for kate
'three dimensions'
+++

minimal street furniture
poorly designed


run for kiddies
not adults

+++

seen better red light district

+++

places where
th cops dont drag ya

out into th street

and stick
police sniffer dogs



at yr crutch

+++


cops wont be happy till there;s no-one there

+++

worse than a bikie gang

+++

park their cars
trucks and

wotever else

all over th entrances

+++

lean on their horn

huge loud thing

to shift ppl



no reason just

this one; pulling out


and got a young **** at th wheel

+++

caught you
th other day yougn ****

siren on

rubber gloves on


siren on

to clear th light
and gun it up th hill

and me and ht chick

both watche du


just park at th next light


in no hurry

+++
massive attack
'inertia creeps'
+++

police lady
on th telly tonight

on th news

is that th sixth or th seventh

go for drink driving this yr



drunk copper

showin up for work

+++

they'll do liek always

give em a holiday and


move em on

to a different station and


say nothing

+++

th way u ****s swagger around th valley

+++

i've watched

cause i;m sittin singin


black **** on th corner

dont exist


watched an owner

of an establishment


tears in his eyes cause

he can see wot i can see


half his clientelle

stoppin at th light


takin one look at th

inflated police presence and


bye

+++

i got to know a few of em

as they did their walkarounds


th wise manager

always checks out th competition

+++

th familiar faces

+++

or

if my ****s arent here

where are they ?

+++
gorillaz
'clint eastwood'
+++

back in a tick...


..
..
..

+++
U2
'the unforgettable fire'
+++

he's twice yr size but

u throw th gear around easier than he does


"just exercise"

truck driver

+++

"cant pass th drug tests"
i know

+++

should prove interesting hey

"stop sending me pictures"

+++

"we communicate here"

+++

how do ya wanna go rock n roll paulie ?


we all make dumb characters

that get th better of us


+++

"rolling"

+++

rock n roll paulie
sings his last song

on a street corner
mounts his unicycle and


rolls down th road

morphing into

the land surfer

+++
sopranos theme song
'woke up this morning'
+++

well
i sing

a bit better than i used to
and my drumming has improved no end

just gunna
go ****in hard

thru these six or seven

tightly packed

posts


cmon mp3 player

turn up ya ****


i can hear th bitch

tellin me how ****in cool i am


that's better

now i'm ****ing land surfing


first one to ask


where's yr other wheel ?



gets the


it';s up th arse of th last **** who asked

i'm sure he'll let u have it


once he figures out

how to get it out



smile

..
..
..


pirate jenny
and
"black"

in

the adventures of the land surfer

+++
p.s.

+++
pink floyd
'sheep'

+++