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Sandals 2/2002 with Dolores - Part Three
Sandals 2/2002 w/ Dolores
Part Three - The People We Meet Every time I go to Negril, I meet so many interesting and wonderful people. I used to think it was Negril itself, but I'm beginning to realize that it's me in Negril. Let me explain. When I go to Negril all the burdens of so called real life slip away, I approach people with the affectation of friendliness, openness and mutual respect. In return I get the same; more often than not at least. It's like Arnold Schwarzenegger's character in the movie Twins. Remember? He comes off the island where he lived his whole life surrounded by loving and supportive people, and then he goes to New York City. He starts greeting people with the same openness and friendliness he knew from his previous home. The New Yorkers, of course, think he's crazy, but was he? Maybe it's us and the way we live that's crazy. I have often said, you drive into Negril from MoBay thinking, "How do they live like this?" and you leave for home thinking. "How do I live like that?" Garland - Proprietor of Tedd's Shroom Boom located on the road to Sav-LaMar. After a quiet lunch at Rick's Caf=E9, one of my Negrilian guilty pleasures, our cabby took us to the simple and unpretentious Tedd's Shroom Boom. What's a Shroom Boom? It's one of those uniquely Jamaican anomalies, in a place where the ubiquitous ganja is illegal, mushroom are legal. Yeah, those kind of mushrooms! Jamaicans use them in tea, omelets, cakes, etc... I've read, though I'm not sure, the Magic Mushroom's legality has to do with its aboriginality. Ganja, on the other hand, was actually brought to the island by workers from India, you know, that whole British Empire thing. Gandhi? Ganja? Seems to fit, but I digress. I was thrilled to see that Dolores "got it" right away. Tedd's simple country charm was unmistakable and overwhelming. A brightly painted multicolored house that you just know was painted after the painter had drunk his tea. Several plastic tables were strategically placed in the shady yard, a big cushy chair on the porch, and a little boy, maybe six or so, played with a puppy behind the house. As we approached the porch the little boy ran into a back door rattling off a string of melodious Jamaican patios. A man's voice boomed in same foreign but familiar tongue as the door opened. He looked as if we woke him up from an early afternoon nap and it took a minute for the cobwebs to clear. "Hi, we're here for some of that famous Shroom-Boom-Tea of yours!!" I billowed as I shook his gentle hand. "I'm Vinny, and this is my friend Dolores. We're from Philadelphia, US" "My name is Garland," he said with a gentleman's smile, as he and Dolores shook hands. "Wow, I figured your name would be Tedd," I said, while he gave me a "I hear that all the time look." "It's Garland." He restated, not giving me the satisfaction of an explanation. Garland went and began preparing our tea so Dolores and I grabbed a few Red Stripes and went to explore the property. I found a nice seat under big seagrape tree while Dolores went off to play with the little boy and his puppy. The three became fast friends. Garland walked out onto the porch. Seeing the puppy jumping all over Dolores he rushed to the railing, and just as he was about to tell his son to leave the nice lady alone, he stopped and a surprised smile came to his face. He just watched, enjoying their play. A few moments later he called us up to the porch, our tea was ready. We sipped the horrid tasting stuff. It's like your first swig of whiskey, it tasted like hell, but the promise of what came next kept you going. It tastes like strong thick mushroom tea, which is really gross. This was actually my first trip to Tedds, I told Garland I'd been to the then defunct Mrs. Browns. "When you been there?" He asked. "About five years ago, a group of us came down from Hedonism," I answered. "I was running Mrs. Browns back then, Mrs. Brown is my mother," he said as, in mid sentence, his mood darkened. "Was my Mother." A moment of silence as thick as our tea hung in the air. Garland looked away, pretending to watch his son play, but looking past him. Tears welled in his eyes. Dolores took his hand and told him how lucky his mother is to have a son who loves her so. "No one will ever love us like our mothers," I said, and in that moment both connecting to his loss and projecting to a time where I will know his grief, my tears joined his and Dolores'. "What happened to her?" Dolores blurted out. Yeah! Just like that. I felt the urge to kick her under the table, but as usual she was much more emotionally connected to the scene than I was. Garland welcomed the opening and he told this story. Mrs. Brown had built her business like so many in the early days of Negril. Quality food, warm service and the magical kick of matter of fact island charm. Mrs. Brown's Mushroom House went from a favorite stop for those in the know to an outright landmark making its way into all the island tourist guides. As the years wore on, her family took on more and more of the daily responsibilities of the store, and Mrs. Brown went into semi-retirement. This is when she met Mr. Smith. I actually don't remember his name so I'll call him Mr. Smith. Mr Smith was a wealthy American businessman. Garland's contempt for this man was undisguised. In due course Mrs. Brown and Mr. Smith were married and she spent most of her time in the States. Garland kept busy with the business, he knew Mr. Smith was bad news, but his mother was happy. She was living the life of the people she so lovingly catered to her entire life. When Garland got the news his mother was sick, it was too late. She'd passed away in the States, far from home. At this point Garland's melancholy turned to rage. To add insult to injury, Mr. Smith had control of the "Mrs. Brown's" name and planned to capitalize on it. He was going to sell Mrs. Brown's t-shirts and other such tourist knickknacks. He also went after the store. Garland walked away and began Tedds. I never did find out where the name came from. There's a new Mrs. Brown's in Negril and I have no idea if it has anything to do with the Brown or the Smith families, but I go to Tedds. By the time his story was finished so was our tea. It was one of those rare times when you realize a special moment as its happening; a moment not to be forgotten. Garland asked us to wait, with a child's excitement he ran into the other room and returned holding a small plate. On the plate were four dollops of honey with perfect fresh mushrooms standing in each of them. "A gift for my friends" It was nice, and we wished we could have stayed longer, but it's a really good idea to get back to the hotel before the psilocybin starts crawling through your brain. No handshakes this time, hugs all around. The ride back to Sandals was subdued. We had an emotional visit with Garland and the tea was beginning to send its gentle waves through our consciousness. When we got back to the room, we realized we both scheduled massages for 6pm. AAAHHHH!!! How were we going to lie still for forty-five minutes? We tried to cancel, we couldn't. It was 5:30. Now maybe it was the confusion of the Shroom Boom or that we'd spent the entire day together, but Dolores and I had a spat. She wanted to walk down the beach to calm down the shroomy effects. I knew that getting the blood flowing would enhance rather than mellow said effects. Well, telling Dolores she can't do something makes her all the more committed to doing it. Off she went. I fired up a spliff as I watched her go. She didn't make it a hundred yards when a thin attractive, maybe even hot, girl jumped up and engaged her in conversation. About ten seconds later they went to the bar. I thought it was weird that her date didn't even move, actually he didn't even react, even as his date acted so aggressively. Immediately the most perverse thoughts you could imagine ran through my head. Just before I heading to the gift shop for some whipped cream and baby oil, I saw Dolores walking towards me. More like running, actually she was tiptoeing like a cartoon character, no really, she was kind of oozing towards me, or ... I'm sooo wasted!!! "Did you see that Girl???" Dolores yelled from two doors down. This caused the girl's date to finally stir. "Yeah, you have a new friend," I said trying to keep my brain inside my head. "Her name is Rain! She was talking to me and I couldn't understand a word she was saying!!" She confessed. "Hurry we're soooo late for our massages!!" I ran into the room to check the time. 5:35, I told her she was only gone for five minutes. It didn't register. Oh well, I guess we'll be early. We got to our massages a few early but they were ready for us. Signing in was much more difficult than it should have been. Everyone was looking at us! They were talking about us!! Paranoid much? We were taken into separate sides of the beautiful spa, and a quick shower later I was stretching out in the hot tub. The heat and bubbles seemed to mellow the effects of the tea. What was minutes, but could have been an hour later, I was summoned into the massage room by a little Jamaican guy. I toweled off and walked into a dark room with one of those aromatherapy candles burning, and the tea came flooding back. I found the table and rested may face in the face hole of the table. The masseuse came in and introduced herself. She told me to stay like I was so I didn't even look up. A couple seconds later I heard another woman come into the room and it sounded like she was coaxing someone to lie on the other table in the room. This made me look up! From the corner of my eye I saw a shapely naked female. I was like, wooo hoo!! Not bad for sixty bucks!! That's when I realized it was Dolores, our eyes met, we were totally confused. In unison we said, "What's he/she doing in here?" The masseuses seemed as confused as we were. "This is your "Couples Massage," the older one said. In unison again we said, "Couples Massage?" Since we booked the massage together and at the same time, they figured we wanted Sandals famous Romantic Couples Massage. Another one of those "spice up the marriage" deals I'm sure. Dolores and I are spicy enough, but what the hell save some space for someone else. Soon we were oily and naked on our adjacent tables giggling like morons. In fact, we were giggling so much our masseuses thought we were either insane or criminally immature. Finally we confessed. We told them all about Tedds. Of course they were totally cool about it, and in true Jamaican "No Problem" fashion they gave us breathing techniques to help relax. To say we were giggling is an understatement. We're talking forty-five minute giggle fit. I understand it takes a real man to admit to giggling like a girl scout wired on Do-Si-Do's, but I was there and it was fun. After showers, dinner and many drinks we found ourselves walking barefoot along the beach at midnight the only two people in the world. Vinny - Stay Tuned for Rain and the Sheriff of Nudy-ham |
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