English well talking....on tourist english.

English is of course widely spoken throughout the world - but on
occasion it leads to some funny signs and notices here and the

Bathroom in a Tokyo hotel:
»Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person
to do such thing is please not to read notis.«

Hotel lobby in Bucarest:
»The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret
that you will be unbearable.«

A lift in a hotel in Leipzig:
»Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.«

A lift in a Belgrad hotel:
»To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should
enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor.
Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.«

A lift in Paris:
»Please leave your values at the front desk.«

Hotel in Athens:
»Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of
9 and 11 A.M. daily.«

A Yugoslav hotel:
»The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the
chambermaid.«

Hotel in Japan:
»You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.«

Russian church:
»You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet
composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.«

The menu in a Swiss restaurant:
»Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.«

Menu card in a Polish restaurant:
»Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings
in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten
up in the country people's fashion.«

Sign in the window of a Hong Kong tailor:
»Ladies may have a fit upstairs.«

Dry cleaners in Bangkok:
»Drop your trousers here for best results.«

Tailor on Rhodes:
»Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute
customers in strict rotation.«

Schwarzwald Germany:
»It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people
of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one
tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.«

Hotel in Zürich:
»Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex
in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this
purpose.«

Dentist in Hong Kong:
»Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.«

Dry cleaners in Rome:
»Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good
time.«

Czech tourist office:
»Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no
miscarriages.«

Donkey riding in Thailand:
»Would you like to ride on your own ass?«

Sign in a Swiss inn:
»Special today -- no ice cream.«

Temple in Bangkok:
»It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a
man.«

A bar in Tokyo:
»Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.«

In an airline sales office i Copenhagen:
»We take your bags and send them in all directions.«

On the door to a hotelroom in Moscow:
»If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.«

Cocktail lounge in a Norwegian hotel:
»Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.«

Budapest zoo:
»Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give
it to the guard on duty.«

Doctor in Rome:
»Specialist in women and other diseases.«

Hotel in Acapulco:
»The manager has personally passed all the water served here.«

Store in Tokyo:
»Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in
the long run.«

User guide for the airconditioning in a Japanese hotel:
»Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room,
please control yourself.«

Brochure for car hire company in Tokyo:
»When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him
melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then
tootle him with vigor.«

Two signs on entry to shop in Mallorca:
»English well talking« and
»Here speeching American.«






--
Kristian

alt.humor

"Kristian" a écrit dans le message de news:
...
English is of course widely spoken throughout the world - but on
occasion it leads to some funny signs and notices here and the

Bathroom in a Tokyo hotel:
»Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person
to do such thing is please not to read notis.«

Hotel lobby in Bucarest:
»The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret
that you will be unbearable.«

A lift in a hotel in Leipzig:
»Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.«

A lift in a Belgrad hotel:
»To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should
enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor.
Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.«

A lift in Paris:
»Please leave your values at the front desk.«

Hotel in Athens:
»Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of
9 and 11 A.M. daily.«

A Yugoslav hotel:
»The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the
chambermaid.«

Hotel in Japan:
»You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.«

Russian church:
»You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet
composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.«

The menu in a Swiss restaurant:
»Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.«

Menu card in a Polish restaurant:
»Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings
in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten
up in the country people's fashion.«

Sign in the window of a Hong Kong tailor:
»Ladies may have a fit upstairs.«

Dry cleaners in Bangkok:
»Drop your trousers here for best results.«

Tailor on Rhodes:
»Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute
customers in strict rotation.«

Schwarzwald Germany:
»It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people
of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one
tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.«

Hotel in Zürich:
»Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex
in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this
purpose.«

Dentist in Hong Kong:
»Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.«

Dry cleaners in Rome:
»Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good
time.«

Czech tourist office:
»Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no
miscarriages.«

Donkey riding in Thailand:
»Would you like to ride on your own ass?«

Sign in a Swiss inn:
»Special today -- no ice cream.«

Temple in Bangkok:
»It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a
man.«

A bar in Tokyo:
»Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.«

In an airline sales office i Copenhagen:
»We take your bags and send them in all directions.«

On the door to a hotelroom in Moscow:
»If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.«

Cocktail lounge in a Norwegian hotel:
»Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.«

Budapest zoo:
»Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give
it to the guard on duty.«

Doctor in Rome:
»Specialist in women and other diseases.«

Hotel in Acapulco:
»The manager has personally passed all the water served here.«

Store in Tokyo:
»Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in
the long run.«

User guide for the airconditioning in a Japanese hotel:
»Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room,
please control yourself.«

Brochure for car hire company in Tokyo:
»When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him
melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then
tootle him with vigor.«

Two signs on entry to shop in Mallorca:
»English well talking« and
»Here speeching American.«






--
Kristian

Kristian wrote:
English is of course widely spoken throughout the world - but on
occasion it leads to some funny signs and notices here and the

Hilarious! Thanks.

A girlfriend worked for an importer of mostly Asian products. A letter
to her, from Hong Kong, started:

"Dear Miss
However, "

Also from Hong Kong, at this time of year, she received a greeting card.
The front had a cartoon of a quite ill person in a hospital bed. Inside,
it said "Get Well Soon" BUT a rubber stamp had added "Merry Christmas".
__________________________________________________ _________________
One of (as of 2003) 751,682 residents of San Francisco.
http://geocities.com/dancefest/ - http://geocities.com/iconoc/
ICQ: http://wwp.mirabilis.com/19098103 --- IClast at SFbay Net

On Sun, 01 Jan 2006 05:00:13 -0800, Icono Clast
wrote:

A girlfriend worked for an importer of mostly Asian products. A letter
to her, from Hong Kong, started:

"Dear Miss
However, "

Also from Hong Kong, at this time of year, she received a greeting card.
The front had a cartoon of a quite ill person in a hospital bed. Inside,
it said "Get Well Soon" BUT a rubber stamp had added "Merry Christmas".

I closed the letter with "Compliments of Season" to a company in Hong
Kong, then in their reply addressed as "Company of Sea Sun"...

wrote:

On Sun, 01 Jan 2006 05:00:13 -0800, Icono Clast
wrote:


A girlfriend worked for an importer of mostly Asian products. A letter
to her, from Hong Kong, started:

"Dear Miss
However, "

Also from Hong Kong, at this time of year, she received a greeting card.
The front had a cartoon of a quite ill person in a hospital bed. Inside,
it said "Get Well Soon" BUT a rubber stamp had added "Merry Christmas".


I closed the letter with "Compliments of Season" to a company in Hong
Kong, then in their reply addressed as "Company of Sea Sun"...

I remember the advice on a package of some sort of Japanese
snack, "excellent friend to beer". (Although why it should
be okay to refer to a food item as a "companion" to
something, but not as a "friend" to it is one of those finer
points of colloquial English that easily escapes any but
native English-speakers.)

I was in turkey last summer:
There was an AD for an excursion: BE JOHN WAYNE FOR A DAY WITH LUNCH...

Good night from www.topline.si

ZIGA
"Kristian" wrote in message
...
English is of course widely spoken throughout the world - but on
occasion it leads to some funny signs and notices here and the

Bathroom in a Tokyo hotel:
»Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person
to do such thing is please not to read notis.«

Hotel lobby in Bucarest:
»The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret
that you will be unbearable.«

A lift in a hotel in Leipzig:
»Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.«

A lift in a Belgrad hotel:
»To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should
enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor.
Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.«

A lift in Paris:
»Please leave your values at the front desk.«

Hotel in Athens:
»Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of
9 and 11 A.M. daily.«

A Yugoslav hotel:
»The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the
chambermaid.«

Hotel in Japan:
»You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.«

Russian church:
»You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet
composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.«

The menu in a Swiss restaurant:
»Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.«

Menu card in a Polish restaurant:
»Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings
in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten
up in the country people's fashion.«

Sign in the window of a Hong Kong tailor:
»Ladies may have a fit upstairs.«

Dry cleaners in Bangkok:
»Drop your trousers here for best results.«

Tailor on Rhodes:
»Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute
customers in strict rotation.«

Schwarzwald Germany:
»It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people
of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one
tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.«

Hotel in Zürich:
»Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex
in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this
purpose.«

Dentist in Hong Kong:
»Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.«

Dry cleaners in Rome:
»Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good
time.«

Czech tourist office:
»Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no
miscarriages.«

Donkey riding in Thailand:
»Would you like to ride on your own ass?«

Sign in a Swiss inn:
»Special today -- no ice cream.«

Temple in Bangkok:
»It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a
man.«

A bar in Tokyo:
»Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.«

In an airline sales office i Copenhagen:
»We take your bags and send them in all directions.«

On the door to a hotelroom in Moscow:
»If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.«

Cocktail lounge in a Norwegian hotel:
»Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.«

Budapest zoo:
»Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give
it to the guard on duty.«

Doctor in Rome:
»Specialist in women and other diseases.«

Hotel in Acapulco:
»The manager has personally passed all the water served here.«

Store in Tokyo:
»Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in
the long run.«

User guide for the airconditioning in a Japanese hotel:
»Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room,
please control yourself.«

Brochure for car hire company in Tokyo:
»When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him
melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then
tootle him with vigor.«

Two signs on entry to shop in Mallorca:
»English well talking« and
»Here speeching American.«






--
Kristian