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GFYF: Rail Ticket Inspectors
Where the **** do British Rail Companies find their 'Revenue Protection
Staff'. Obviously too thick to join the police, too stupid even to get a job as a security guard at a supermarket. But, give them a hat, and a note pad, and the power goes straight to their head. Add to the equation that they only get around 30 seconds training on the complexities of the very complex ticketing system over here, which intelligent people can barely understand, and you have a recipe for disaster. Anyway.. I caught the 10.34 Virgin service to Oxford as I normally do Thursdays as my works hosting company is based their and I need to make sure they havn't cocked anything up (that is another GFYF story). It is a fairly little known fact that if you hold an Annual 'Gold' Season ticket, as I do from Winchester to London, this entitles you to a First Class Upgrade for the measly sum of £3.00. So I purchase my ticket and upgrade, jump on the train, sit in my nice comfy first class seat, and start tucking into my free full english breakfast. Now usually it is the guard who checks tickets, and having a little more intelligence and experience, they are familiar with 'strange' ticket combinations. BUT today, the train was swarmed by Revenue protection officers 'ticket pigs' as they affectionately known here. They look at my tickets, and look somewhat confused, then retort that they are not valid. I say they are, and they reply you have to pay DOUBLE the full first class fare + a penalty fare. about £150 in total. I tell them to GO **** THEMSELVES, and I am threatened with arrest at the next stop. To which I reply 'If you want to make yourself look like pricks please go ahead'. so a phone call is made, and lo and behold 2 policemen get on the train at Reading. I explain to the police that I am being harrassed by ill informed inspectors and suggest that the guard is called. (I didn't do this previously, as I wanted these guys to look like even bigger pricks than they are). The guard tells every one my tickets are valid. the police give the ticket pigs **** for wasting their time, the guard gives them **** for delaying the train. It was absolutley priceless watching their faces just sink to the ground. I wonder how many people actually pay the penalty just to avoid a scene??? |
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