Trafalgar

Lots of celebrations in the UK today for beating the French 200 years
ago...

ducks

--
David Horne- www.davidhorne.net
usenet (at) davidhorne (dot) co (dot) uk

Jan wrote:

chancellor of the duchy of besses o' th' barn and prestwich tesco wrote:
Lots of celebrations in the UK today for beating the French 200 years
ago...

ducks


Just watched the fireworks in the solent. Very spectacular and loud, even
from 5 miles away!!!
Though shouldn't we be celebrating on October 21st???

The weather's better now? Also, I suspect it's a year long
celebration...

--
David Horne- www.davidhorne.net
usenet (at) davidhorne (dot) co (dot) uk

"Jan" wrote in message
...
chancellor of the duchy of besses o' th' barn and prestwich tesco wrote:
Lots of celebrations in the UK today for beating the French 200 years
ago...

ducks


Just watched the fireworks in the solent. Very spectacular and loud, even
from 5 miles away!!!
Though shouldn't we be celebrating on October 21st???

We are, apparently, celebrating co-operation at sea and the Nelson spirit,
not beating the c**p out of the French and Spanish fleet. We can do that in
October.

Colin Bignell

In article , nightjar
nightjar@insert wrote:

"Jan" wrote in message
...
chancellor of the duchy of besses o' th' barn and prestwich tesco wrote:
Lots of celebrations in the UK today for beating the French 200 years
ago...

ducks


Just watched the fireworks in the solent. Very spectacular and loud, even
from 5 miles away!!!
Though shouldn't we be celebrating on October 21st???

We are, apparently, celebrating co-operation at sea and the Nelson spirit,
not beating the c**p out of the French and Spanish fleet. We can do that in
October.

What were the officers saying to the crew on the French ships today:
"Ahead full slow so the limeys can cross the 'T' on us and give us a
full broadsides... oh, and the Spaniards are still drunks"

Looked like a very nice day at sea... calm seas and clear skies.

jay
Tue Jun 28, 2005



Colin Bignell

chancellor of the duchy of besses o' th' barn and prestwich tesco wrote:
Lots of celebrations in the UK today for beating the French 200 years
ago...

ducks


Just watched the fireworks in the solent. Very spectacular and loud, even
from 5 miles away!!!
Though shouldn't we be celebrating on October 21st???

Jan

On Tue, 28 Jun 2005 22:06:21 +0100,
(chancellor of the duchy of besses o' th' barn and prestwich tesco)
wrote:


Lots of celebrations in the UK today for beating the French 200 years
ago...

ducks

This one did the rounds on the Internet a while back...............

Imagine that the Battle of Trafalgar had taken place 200 years
later.......

"Order the signal, Hardy."

"Aye, aye sir."

"Hold on, that's not what I dictated to the signal officer. What's the
meaning of all this?"

"Sorry sir?"

"England expects every person to do his duty, regardless of race,
gender, sexual orientation, religious persuasion or disability. What
gobbledygook is this?"

"Admiralty policy, I'm afraid, sir. We're an equal opportunities
employer now. We had the devil's own job getting 'England' in, as our
equal opportunities lieutenant considered it racist."

"Good grief, Hardy. Hand me my pipe and tobacco."

"Sorry sir. All naval vessels have been designated smoke-free working
environments. Smoking isn't allowed on board."

"In that case, break open the rum ration. Let us splice the mainbrace
to steel the men before battle."

"The rum ration has been abolished, Admiral. Its part of the
Government's policy on binge drinking."

"Heavens, Hardy. I suppose we'd better get on with it. Full speed
ahead."

"I think you'll find that there's a 4 knot speed limit in this stretch
of water according to local bye-laws."

"Damn it man! We are on the eve of the greatest sea battle in history.
We must advance with all dispatch. Report from the crow's nest,
please."

"That won't be possible, sir. The Health and Safety Inspectors have
closed the crow's nest, sir. No harness and they said that rope ladder
doesn't meet regulations. They won't let anyone up there until a
proper scaffolding can be erected."

"Then get me the ship's carpenter without delay, Hardy."

He's busy knocking up a wheelchair access to the fo'c'sle as required
by the Disability Act, Admiral."

"Wheelchair access? I've never heard anything so absurd."

"Health and safety again, sir. We have to provide a barrier-free
environment for the differently abled."

"Differently abled? I've only one arm and one eye and I refuse even to
hear mention of the word. I didn't rise to the rank of admiral by
playing the disability card."

"Actually, sir, you did. The Royal Navy is under-represented in the
areas of visual impairment and limb deficiency and your appointment
filled this year's quota."

Whatever next? Give me full sail. The salt spray beckons."

"A couple of problems there too, sir. The crew aren't allowed up the
rigging without flourescent jackets and safety helmets. And they don't
want anyone breathing in too much salt - haven't you seen the adverts
with that slug on?"

" I've never heard such infamy. Break out the cannon and tell the men
to stand by to engage the enemy."

"The men are a bit worried about shooting at anyone, Admiral."

"This is mutiny."

"It's not that, sir. It's just that they're afraid of being charged
with murder if they actually kill anyone. Apart from that there's a
couple of legal aid lawyers on board and they threaten to sue for
compensation if anyone is injured."

"Then how are we to sink the Frogs and the Spanish?"

"Actually, sir, we're not."

"We're not?"

"No, sir. The French and the Spanish are our European partners now.
According to the Common Fisheries Policy, we shouldn't even be in this
stretch of water. We could get hit with a claim for compensation."

"But you must hate a Frenchman as you hate the devil."

"I wouldn't let the ship's diversity co-coordinator hear you saying
that sir. You'll be up on disciplinary."

"You must consider every man an enemy who speaks ill of your King."

"Not any more, sir. We must be inclusive in this multicultural age.
Now put on your anti-stab vest; it's the rules. It's also time for our
Muslim crewmen to pray to Mecca in the on-board mosque"

"Don't tell me - health and safety, anti-racism. Whatever happened to
rum, sodomy and the lash?"

As I explained, sir, rum is off the menu. And there's a ban on
corporal punishment."

"What about sodomy?"

"I believe it's to be encouraged, sir"

"In that case, kiss me, Hardy and will you marry me?"




Keith, Bristol, UK

DE-MUNG for email replies

In article , Martin
wrote:

On Tue, 28 Jun 2005 22:06:21 +0100,
(chancellor of the duchy of besses o' th' barn and prestwich tesco)
wrote:

Lots of celebrations in the UK today for beating the French 200 years
ago...

ducks

The French turned up with an aircraft carrier twice the size of the
biggest RN ship.

So the Charles de Gaulle now has a working propulsion system ?

jay
Wed Jun 29, 2005



As the Queen passed the French played the Marseilles
at full volume. :-)

Go Fig ha escrito:
In article , Martin

The French turned up with an aircraft carrier twice the size of the
biggest RN ship.

So the Charles de Gaulle now has a working propulsion system ?


She was launching planes over Afghanistan until not that long ago, and
I don't think she was towed all the way


J.

In article .com,
Jordi wrote:

Go Fig ha escrito:
In article , Martin

The French turned up with an aircraft carrier twice the size of the
biggest RN ship.

So the Charles de Gaulle now has a working propulsion system ?


She was launching planes over Afghanistan until not that long ago, and
I don't think she was towed all the way

This is the most plagued navy ship sailing the seas... you just don't
change the name of a ship... But the French will be buying their next
one from the Brits, who are using (drum roll)... Haliburton to manage
the project.

jay
Wed Jun 29, 2005





J.

"Jan" wrote in message
...
chancellor of the duchy of besses o' th' barn and prestwich tesco wrote:
Lots of celebrations in the UK today for beating the French 200 years
ago...

ducks


Just watched the fireworks in the solent. Very spectacular and loud, even
from 5 miles away!!!
Though shouldn't we be celebrating on October 21st???


Did I miss something, or did the much vaunted re-enactment consist of maybe
3 sailing ships?

Surreyman