How do I avoid looking and acting American while traveling in Europe?

"Magda" wrote in message
...
On Sun, 06 Jun 2004 11:10:03 +0100, in rec.travel.europe, Padraig
Breathnach
arranged some electrons, so they looked like this
:

... "pencil" wrote:
...
...
... "Mean Mr Mustard" wrote in message
... om...
...
... Any other suggestions?
...
... Lose about 25 stones.
...
... That doesn't mean "get your rocks off". Brits have quaint systems of
... weights and measures.

25 stones = 158.7573 Kg. =349.999935 pound

On 5 Jun 2004 23:15:24 -0700, (Mean Mr Mustard)
wrote:

Unfortunately, I drew the short straw and will be heading to Europe on
a business trip this summer. Now my primary concern is just making
sure I get through this trip and back to the US safely in one piece.
I figure this will be a challenging task with all the reports of
anti-American protests and assaults on American tourists.

That said I'm trying to compile a list of tactics that will prevent me
from being a target:

1. Never dress casual - I figure most Americans can be spotted a mile
away by something "wrong" with their wardrobe. Tailored English suit
should help keep me out of trouble.
2. No shouting or raised voices - Always speak at a level tone
3. Show no emotion – No laughing, no smiling, no signs of frustration
or desperation.
4. Do not leave the hotel except for business – When the business
meetings are over, head straight back to the hotel and stay there.
5. No American greetings – "Hey", "Hi", "Howdy" and "Yo" are banned.
6. No hand gestures when talking – especially no pointing
7. Walk upright; do not flail arms too wildly when walking.
8. "Bob's Your Uncle" – Rumor has it that this phrase will stop an on
coming mob of hooligans in their tracks but I haven't confirmed this?
9. Correct words - "petrol" instead of "gas" or "fag" instead of
"cigarrette"
10. Little Canadian flag lapel pin - Last resort, but I think the
Europeans would just assume I'm an American trying to fool them with a
little Canadian flag pin.

Any other suggestions?

Never refer to your trousers as pants.
Better yet; wear a kilt.

Unfortunately, I drew the short straw and will be heading to Europe on
a business trip this summer. Now my primary concern is just making
sure I get through this trip and back to the US safely in one piece.
I figure this will be a challenging task with all the reports of
anti-American protests and assaults on American tourists.

That said I'm trying to compile a list of tactics that will prevent me
from being a target:

1. Never dress casual - I figure most Americans can be spotted a mile
away by something "wrong" with their wardrobe. Tailored English suit
should help keep me out of trouble.
2. No shouting or raised voices - Always speak at a level tone
3. Show no emotion - No laughing, no smiling, no signs of frustration
or desperation.
4. Do not leave the hotel except for business - When the business
meetings are over, head straight back to the hotel and stay there.
5. No American greetings - "Hey", "Hi", "Howdy" and "Yo" are banned.
6. No hand gestures when talking - especially no pointing
7. Walk upright; do not flail arms too wildly when walking.
8. "Bob's Your Uncle" - Rumor has it that this phrase will stop an on
coming mob of hooligans in their tracks but I haven't confirmed this?
9. Correct words - "petrol" instead of "gas" or "fag" instead of
"cigarrette"
10. Little Canadian flag lapel pin - Last resort, but I think the
Europeans would just assume I'm an American trying to fool them with a
little Canadian flag pin.

Lose some weight.
Try to remember that in Europe we don't have 30lb steaks for dinner.
Drive a car that is more economical then a 15 ton SUV that does around
10
gallons to the mile.
When entering a sports bar, never ask if thay can put on the baseball.

Wow, you've got a well researched opinion of the average
American. snicker

Bloody hell, this thread is only meant to be a bit of fun. I hate all people
equally, whether American, French, German, Algerian, Thai..................

"Stephen Glynn" wrote
On-Liner wrote:

"JohnT" wrote

15. Order beer in McDonalds, NOT coffee.


Wrong way round.

UK McD's don't serve beer.

Mind you, they barely serve edible food either - or is that McD's in
general?



They do, or so I'm told, sell beer in some French and German McD's.
I've never tested the truth of this since they sell beer in lots of
other places in France and Germany, too.


Probably. It's just the UK where the Government is stupid enough to think
that it's fine to drink beer in the half of the building designated as a bar
but not in the other half because it's designated as a food retailer. You
know, like it makes a difference.

..

"John P. Mullen" wrote in message
...
It is obvious from your lest and probably you demeanor that you are an
"American," so there is no point in trying to hide it.

What is obvious from his post is that he is a troll.

What is obvious from your post is that you're a xenophobic bigot.



In general, people don't mind you being an "American" as much as people
mind being insulted. Pay attention to people and be courteous and
people will reciprocate.

John Mullen

Mean Mr Mustard wrote:

Unfortunately, I drew the short straw and will be heading to Europe on
a business trip this summer. Now my primary concern is just making
sure I get through this trip and back to the US safely in one piece.
I figure this will be a challenging task with all the reports of
anti-American protests and assaults on American tourists.

That said I'm trying to compile a list of tactics that will prevent me
from being a target:

1. Never dress casual - I figure most Americans can be spotted a mile
away by something "wrong" with their wardrobe. Tailored English suit
should help keep me out of trouble.
2. No shouting or raised voices - Always speak at a level tone
3. Show no emotion - No laughing, no smiling, no signs of frustration
or desperation.
4. Do not leave the hotel except for business - When the business
meetings are over, head straight back to the hotel and stay there.
5. No American greetings - "Hey", "Hi", "Howdy" and "Yo" are banned.
6. No hand gestures when talking - especially no pointing
7. Walk upright; do not flail arms too wildly when walking.
8. "Bob's Your Uncle" - Rumor has it that this phrase will stop an on
coming mob of hooligans in their tracks but I haven't confirmed this?
9. Correct words - "petrol" instead of "gas" or "fag" instead of
"cigarrette"
10. Little Canadian flag lapel pin - Last resort, but I think the
Europeans would just assume I'm an American trying to fool them with a
little Canadian flag pin.

Any other suggestions?

"Ryan B" wrote:


"Mean Mr Mustard" wrote in message
om...

Any other suggestions?


What assaults on American tourists? I spend three months a year in Europe
and have never seen this. You should stay home until you grow some balls.
Your disgusting and an embarrassment to all real Americans.

I'd prefer an American who attempts to amuse to one who fails to see a
joke.

--
PB
The return address has been MUNGED

"On-Liner" wrote in message
...
....
Probably. It's just the UK where the Government is stupid enough to think
that it's fine to drink beer in the half of the building designated as a
bar
but not in the other half because it's designated as a food retailer. You
know, like it makes a difference.

FSVO UK.

Dublin supermarkets now have delays while the 17-year-old checkout girl has
to call her supervisor to sell a bottle of wine. If she celebrates the end
of her shift by getting legless on cider that's a different matter.

J/

SOTW: "Shake Some Action" - The Flaming Groovies

"Magda" wrote in message
...
On Sun, 06 Jun 2004 17:41:48 +0100, in rec.travel.europe, Stephen Glynn
arranged some electrons, so they looked like
this :

...
... Don't try to confuse Americans by using metric. Twenty five stone =
350lb.
...
... Steve

I'm always amazed that they count the *time* like the rest of us...

They don't. Notice how it's 9/11, not 11/9.


J/

SOTW: "Shake Some Action" - The Flaming Groovies

On Sun, 06 Jun 2004 09:20:46 +0100, Welsh Witch
wrote:

On Sat, 05 Jun 2004 23:15:24 -0700, Mean Mr Mustard wrote:

Unfortunately, I drew the short straw and will be heading to Europe on
a business trip this summer. Now my primary concern is just making
sure I get through this trip and back to the US safely in one piece.
I figure this will be a challenging task with all the reports of
anti-American protests and assaults on American tourists.

That said I'm trying to compile a list of tactics that will prevent me
from being a target:

1. Never dress casual - I figure most Americans can be spotted a mile
away by something "wrong" with their wardrobe. Tailored English suit
should help keep me out of trouble.
2. No shouting or raised voices - Always speak at a level tone
3. Show no emotion – No laughing, no smiling, no signs of frustration
or desperation.
4. Do not leave the hotel except for business – When the business
meetings are over, head straight back to the hotel and stay there.
5. No American greetings – "Hey", "Hi", "Howdy" and "Yo" are banned.
6. No hand gestures when talking – especially no pointing
7. Walk upright; do not flail arms too wildly when walking.
8. "Bob's Your Uncle" – Rumor has it that this phrase will stop an on
coming mob of hooligans in their tracks but I haven't confirmed this?
9. Correct words - "petrol" instead of "gas" or "fag" instead of
"cigarrette"
10. Little Canadian flag lapel pin - Last resort, but I think the
Europeans would just assume I'm an American trying to fool them with a
little Canadian flag pin.

Any other suggestions?
************************************************* ***********
Yes!! Why don't you take a Welsh woman with you. They have plenty to say
in a notably different accent from American and would like a trip
abroad:-)
Just don't wear loud check trousers please! AND hey come
on....there is more than one sort of English person and not many of us
would say "fag" at least not unless you're still at school :-)
I think
you're being a bit paranoid loads of us LOVE the sunshine American
people. You'd certainly be very welcome here. Come and have a look at
Wales! Made me smile at your assessment of your compatriots...Have a nice
holiday...
***************************

Wales is very nice. Just dont try to pronounce any of the place
names. While the resulting trip to the hospitals emergency ward will
be free..its so undignified when they use a crowbar to straighten out
your jaw and tounge and a mallet to adjust the crossed eyes.

Some mighty pretty women in Wales also, though I couldnt say how their
bedroom arts are.

Gunner

That rifle hanging on the wall of the working-class flat or labourer's
cottage is the symbol of democracy. It is our job to see that it stays
there.
- George Orwell

Hi On-Liner,

Well, I've seen similar stupid laws here, in the USA, too.

John Mullen

On-Liner wrote:

"Stephen Glynn" wrote
On-Liner wrote:

"JohnT" wrote

15. Order beer in McDonalds, NOT coffee.


Wrong way round.

UK McD's don't serve beer.

Mind you, they barely serve edible food either - or is that McD's in
general?



They do, or so I'm told, sell beer in some French and German McD's.
I've never tested the truth of this since they sell beer in lots of
other places in France and Germany, too.

Probably. It's just the UK where the Government is stupid enough to think
that it's fine to drink beer in the half of the building designated as a bar
but not in the other half because it's designated as a food retailer. You
know, like it makes a difference.

.