Funny replies to FAQ's

These questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Toursim Website
and obviously the answers came from a fellow Aussie. Amusing especially the
Vienna Boys' Choir one.

1.
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV,
so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them
die.

2.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking

3.
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks?
(Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water...

4.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So its true what they say about Swedes.

5.
Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to
contact for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.

6.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a
list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

7.
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific which does
not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings
Cross. Come naked.

8.
Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and
we'll send the rest of the directions.

9.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

10.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which
is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna BoysChoir plays every Tuesday night in
Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

1 1.
Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.

12.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you
tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

13.
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?

14.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is
smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

15.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas time.

16.
Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.

17.
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round?
(Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is
illegal.

18.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense
rattlesnake serum. USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All
Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make
good pets.

19.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its
name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum
trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare
them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

21.
Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I
dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

22.
Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

On Mon, 21 Feb 2005 08:48:34 +1000, "Scotty"
wrote:

|These questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Toursim Website
|and obviously the answers came from a fellow Aussie. Amusing especially the
|Vienna Boys' Choir one.
|

Magic! I kept thinking "I wish I'd said that!"

What web-site were they on?


Cheers, Alan

Alan S wrote on Mon 21 Feb 2005 11:33:18a

What web-site were they on?

I remember Toxic Custard used to have an anti-FAQ like that...

--
Chris
Concatenate for email: mrgazpacho @ hotmail . com

Alan S wrote on Mon 21 Feb 2005 11:33:18a

What web-site were they on?

I remember Toxic Custard used to have an anti-FAQ like that...

--
Chris
Concatenate for email: mrgazpacho @ hotmail . com

Alan S wrote in
news
On Mon, 21 Feb 2005 08:48:34 +1000, "Scotty"
wrote:

|These questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Toursim
|Website and obviously the answers came from a fellow Aussie. Amusing
|especially the Vienna Boys' Choir one.
|

Magic! I kept thinking "I wish I'd said that!"

What web-site were they on?

These were doing the rounds back in 2000, alledgedly on a tourist
enquiry site related to the Olympics. I suspect they're a joke, older
than that.

But they've always amused me. :-)

Geodyne

"Chris Kuan" wrote in message
. 2.58...
Alan S wrote on Mon 21 Feb 2005 11:33:18a
What web-site were they on?

I remember Toxic Custard used to have an anti-FAQ like that...

It's still up, and if you ever doubted it, the questions I get are genuinely
sent, I don't make them up. (Mind you people could be playing games.)

http://www.toxiccustard.com/australia/


Daniel

22.
Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

When my wife (Australian) first got a job in the US, she was asked by
one of her co-workers “Did you have to learn English to come over
here?” Unfreakin’ believable!!


--
prhineer
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On Wed, 23 Feb 2005 14:10:11 -0600, prhineer
wrote:

|
|22.
|Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)
|A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
|
|When my wife (Australian) first got a job in the US, she was asked by
|one of her co-workers “Did you have to learn English to come over
|here?” Unfreakin’ believable!!

Back in '67, serving at Biloxi's Keesler AFB with "Australia" on my
shoulder slides I was regularly complimented on my ability to speak
English (although with a "weird" accent:-). It wasn't until a second
person mentioned how close we were to becoming communist after WWII
that I realised they thought we were from Austria.

I went back in '03. Nothing had changed.


Cheers, Alan

Typical of most americans.
They are fairly ignorant of any culture outside contintental USA
They are brainwashed aboiut USA at school and college and the media contiues
on after that.
Freda
"prhineer" wrote in message
news

22.
Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

When my wife (Australian) first got a job in the US, she was asked by
one of her co-workers "Did you have to learn English to come over
here?" Unfreakin' believable!!


--
prhineer
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View this thread: http://travelforums.org/forums/showthread.php?t=66029
This post was submitted via http://www.TravelForums.org

In 1983 my wife and I were accepted into the Ohio State Uni graduate school
(OSU is a huge university. They wanted to make sure we could speak English
because we had a "foreign" name (Pisichko). Once we told them we were TOFEL
exam envigilators OSU backed off....

prhineer wrote:

22.
Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

When my wife (Australian) first got a job in the US, she was asked by
one of her co-workers “Did you have to learn English to come over
here?” Unfreakin’ believable!!