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Spreading Santorum



 
 
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Old January 31st, 2004, 04:49 PM
MakeIt
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Spreading Santorum

Pronunciation: san-TOR-um
Function: noun
1. The frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of
anal sex.

http://www.spreadingsantorum.com/

Santorum Letters
January 29, 2004
Dan:

Thought you'd be interested in this email:

From: "Palmer, Wayne (Santorum)"



U.S. Senator Rick Santorum (R-PA), Chairman of the Senate Republican Conference,
is seeking a Deputy Press Secretary. The ideal candidate will have strong ties
to the state of Pennsylvania, as well as education and/or 2-4 years of
press/p.r. experience, preferably in government. This position represents a
great opportunity for a young person to work for the third-ranking leader of the
Senate majority, who is also a member of the Senate Finance Committee.

If any of your alumni or current students fit this profile and would like to
work on Capitol Hill, they can call me directly at (202) 224-6324 or fax their
resume to me at (202) 228-4808.

Thank you for your consideration.

Wayne Palmer

Policy Director

U.S. Senator Rick Santorum

It's time to send in a spy. Signed,

A Loyal Reader.

Thank you for sending this email on to me, ALR. If there's anyone out there who
is 1. a fan of santorum-producing activities 2. a regular reader of
spreadingsantorum.com 3. unemployed and 4. willing to work for Senator Santorum
and spy on Senator Santorum for this website, well, it looks like ol' Rick has a
job for you! Apply today!

Santorum Letters
January 27, 2004
I would like to correct some misinformation on the spreadingsantorum.com page.
On January 24th you published the following on your Spreading Santorum website:

“Hm... Santorum fills an auditorium... the mind fairly boggles! I noticed,
however, when I read the story, that none of the students at Georgetown had the
balls to ask Senator Santorum about the meaning of his new name. What a bunch of
cowards!"

Someone did ask the Senator about the new use of his name, Mr. Savage, and that
someone was me. The question was not mentioned in either campus publication, but
I do have it on video.

When my friends and I heard that the Senator was coming to speak as part of the
annual Cardinal O'Connor Conference on Life, we planned on going and asking
about the definition. We had a plan where one of us was going to dress like a
Midwestern conservative and pretend to be outraged when doing internet research
on the Senator and finding this new use for his name. We ended up having to use
plan B when the Senator took ten minutes to answer each question and the woman
we had chosen to do the asking was still far back in line.

So, when my turn came, I asked him. In response he attempted to take the high
ground and not really address the question. Keep checking your regular mail for
a copy of the tape so you can judge for yourself if we should win the prize for
getting him to comment. Many people feel that the question I asked him was
"disrespectful" and "graphic." I certainly didn't think so. And I have heard
that as the organizers of the conference, Georgetown University Right to Life,
apologized to him on his way out he said, "That's what you get for not charging
for tickets." As if I wouldn't have paid to ask Santorum about santorum!

Anyhow, just wanted to let you know that there are some at Georgetown unafraid
to ask the tough questions of our public officials.

Mike

Well, Mike, if you did ask Senator Santorum about the new meaning of santorum,
and if you caught that moment on tape, you will not only win my undying love and
affection, but some books and other nice gifts mentioned in a previous Savage
Love columns. I can't recall off the top of my head what those gifts were, Mike,
but I'm pretty sure they were awesome.

So I will look for the video in the mail -- and once it arrives, and once I've
verified it, I will get your prize package to you. I will also make copies of
the tape and send them to various media outlets *and* post the video on this
here website.



I'm a student at Georgetown and the News Editor at The Georgetown Voice. To
clarify, student Mike Wilson did in fact ask Senator Santorum a question about
the meaning of his name, citing your definition verbatim. The article's mention
of "several pointed questions" was an arguably oblique reference to this
incident, which has been widely discussed by the student body here.

Shanthi Manian

News Editor

The Georgetown Voice

As oblique references go, Ms. Manian, "several pointed questions" is so oblique
as to be arguably useless. How is anyone to infer from "several pointed
questions" that a guy named Mike Wilson asked Senator Santorum about that frothy
mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex and
not, say, the Senator's support for the partial birth abortion ban, his
obsession with man-on-dog sex, his bash-the-poor comments to various reporters?

Frankly, Ms. Manian, your news judgment is lacking. Any serious student of
journalism would have covered this groundbreaking development in depth (and
given props to the brave Mr. Wilson!), and not dismissed it with a so vague an
aside!



Let me assure you that someone at Georgetown did indeed have the balls to stand
up and ask Senator Santorum about his namesake. Proof is contained in the
following letter written to The Hoya, another Georgetown University newspaper:

While Georgetown’s Speech and Expression Policy may never be amended to restrict
irreverent or uncouth remarks, it disappoints me when certain members of the
Georgetown community abuse the privilege of listening and learning to such a
degree.

Such was the case at Sen. Santorum’s (R-Pa.) keynote address yesterday at the
Cardinal O’Connor Conference on Life. In a desperate attempt for attention and
recognition during the Q&A session, one individual chose to liken the Senator to
a vile bodily discharge in order to portray his alleged reputation within
homosexual circles.

The Senator responded well to the verbal attack, and this individual’s misguided
comments proved only to be an embarrassment to himself.

From what I am told, both the organizers of the conference and the questioner
operated within the bounds of the Speech and Expression policy. But I’ve come to
realize that there’s a huge distance between what this policy permits and what
it ought to require — if only one thing — from the intelligent and privileged
individuals that comprise our community. And it’s called decency.

Kirk C. Syme (MSB ’04)

Director, 2004 Cardinal O’Connor Conference on Life



I was out this weekend in DC, and I was trying to explain to a couple of friends
in town from Chicago, the definition and origins of santorum. They were so
intrigued by it all (first of all they had never even heard of Rick Santorum,
much less the newer definition), that we decided that we would conduct a small,
impromptu and unscientific survey at the bar we were going to after dinner, to
see how far santorum has spread. This survey consisted of me going to every
table I could and asking everyone seated if 1) they had heard of Santorum and 2)
what they knew of the word.

Here are the results: 45 people total surveyed. 18 people had never heard of
Rick Santorum. Out of the remaining 26, all of whom had heard of Rick Santorum,
10 knew the "'Savage Love' definition," as many called it.

While I was slightly disappointed, my friends from Chicago were intrigued. The
best part, though, is that in conducting this small survey, at least one person
at every table did know the "Savage Love" definition and everyone at the table
who was not in the know immediately demanded to know what the hell I was talking
about. So although when I arrived only 10 people knew, when I left 35 more
people had heard the word, and I guarantee that my newly informed Chicago
friends will be spreading the santorum upon their return home this week.

Just thought you might be interested in this little neck of the 'spreading the
santorum' woods.

KC in DC

Apropos of nothing, KC in DC, I was born and raised in Chicago, where I was
spreading santorum myself long before the word was coined.

And while you were disappointed in the results of your survey, KC, I was not. Of
the 45 people you surveyed in DC, ten knew the new "frothy mix" definition of
santorum. That's upwards of 20% of all D.C. drinkers surveyed! That's terrific
market penetration—ask anyone in advertising!



Dan: I love the idea of you running bus ads here in DC, but it just sounds too
expensive and too difficult to get past the censors. Have you considered
stickers (of the bumper variety and smaller), at least as a first step? Some of
us here would be more than happy to stick them around town.

Josh

Yes, Josh, I have considered stickers—viral marketing I believe the practice is
called—but it would be difficult for me to run a viral marketing campaign from
afar. (Alas, I do not live in D.C.) Plus, most viral marketing is illegal, as
viral marketing usually involves defacing public property with stickers and such
like. I would much prefer to buy bus ads—so I'll just hope that George Soros
comes though with some dough. In the meantime, of course, you and your friends
in D.C. are free to take whatever steps you feel are necessary to spread
santorum on your own...



I'm a DC resident and last evening (Friday, January 23, 2004), I was at a scummy
bar in Georgetown and happened to be having a few drinks with some friends from
my university alumni association.

There was a girl with whom I was talking that was pleasant and nice. She
mentioned that she just finished an internship on the Hill. I have an
inquisitive mind (and also, I use party affiliation to determine if the
conversation is going to continue) so I asked this kind person which senator
worked for. Her response: "Senator Santorum."

I despise Senator Santorum. However, the thought of your website and personal
crusade against this man came into my head. I stopped for a moment, expressed my
dismay to the young lady, and then asked her if she knew what santorum now
means. She did. Back during her internship, she help respond to constitute mail.
Senator Santorum would receive upwards of thirty emails a day from individuals
across the country on the alternative meaning of his name. The Senator requests
that every day his staff summarize the topics of all email and have that summary
brought to him to read. This young lady confirmed that the alternative
definition of his name was listed, constantly, in these daily updates.

Congratulations, Dan, and warm regards,

Brian

Thanks for taking the time to write, Brian. And in case anyone would like to get
something into Senator Santorum's daily email summary, here's the senator's
email address again:


Santorum Letters
January 23, 2004
Dear Dan,

On Wednesday, 21 January, the Senator Himself spoke in our Inter-Cultural Center
on his signature topic, and The Voice, one of our student newspapers, gave the
talk its usual & fairly straight-forward coverage. However, given the headline
on the top of the front page, I can't help but wonder if someone on the staff
knows about the (still) secondary meaning of the term:



The original can be found at: Georgetown Voice

Hm... Santorum fills an auditorium... the mind fairly boggles! I noticed,
however, when I read the story, that none of the students at Georgetown had the
balls to ask Senator Santorum about the meaning of his new name. What a bunch of
cowards!

Santorum Letters
January 22, 2004
Dear Mr. Savage,

I just wanted to congratulate you on "santorum" making it into the New York
Times -- kind of. It appears in Thursday's edition in an article about "google
bombing." Unfortunately, they only allude to the meaning of the word: "Other
recent Google bombs have sought to associate President Bush, Senator Clinton and
Senator Rick Santorum, a Pennsylvania Republican, with various unprintable
phrases."

Engineering Google Results to Make a Point

I suppose we shouldn't expect to find "the frothy mixture of lube and fecal
matter that is sometimes the product of anal sex" within the pages of the Times
(at least not since that prankster Jayson Blair left), but then again, no one
expected a US senator to bring up "man on dog."

Anyways, hopefully this is the kind of printed ammo you need for your campaign
for OED recognition. And apparently you have fans at America's premiere
newspaper. Could a Sunday Times column be next? I bet William Safire would love
to have you on board. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for an "On Language"
etymology of "santorum."

Also, watching the State of the Union with a room full of Harvard undergrads,
the camera shot of Santorum ellicited howls of laughter from half of us, and
after a quick explanation, snickers from the rest. Aside from Tom Brady's cameo
(he's a Patriot, we get it already...) and Nancy Pelosi's mescaline-induced
Democratic response, it was the highlight of the speech.

Best,

Dan Bailey

Oh, one final thought: Perhaps the reason none of my quotes were included in the
Tom McNichol’s piece on Google bombing is that… well, I had to confess to Tom
that I never bombed Google at all. When I expressed a desire to get
www.spreadingsantorum.com up to the top of the page when you searched “Santorum”
on Google, I got a lot of advise from readers about how to do just that.
Unfortunately, it involved a great deal of work – work done in front of the
computer, no less, work I was simply too lazy to do. I told Mr. McNichol as
much, and told him that www.spreadingsantorum.com made it to it’s current #4
position on Google on its merits alone, and not thanks to any attempts on my
part to game the system. All I did was put the site up andmention it in my
column (“Savage Love”). My readers – God bless them, every one – did the rest.

So it’s thanks to my readers that www.spreadingsantorum.com, and the new
definition of santorum, pops right up when you search santorum. It’s not in the
top spot yet… but I’m content to be where I am, #4, right after three links to
Senator Santorum’s own website. Indeed, it’s only fitting that I’m bringing up
Senator Santorum’s rear.

Finally, I’m considering buying bus ads on Washington DC buses and in the DC
subway to promote this website and help spread santorum all over our nation’s
capitol. This is, it goes without saying, a hugely expensive proposition. If
there’s anyone out there reading this (hello, George Soros!) who might like to
contribute… don’t be shy! Write me at



Santorum Letters
January 22, 2004
Well, well, well.

Not too long ago you were bemoaning the fact that santorum and it's correct
definition was not being picked up by the main stream media. It is getting
closer.

Today in the New York Times I read an article titled "Engineering Google Results
to Make a Political Point." I found the following therein: "The Liberty Round
Table, a libertarian group, started a Google bomb that linked the Center for
Science in the Public Interest, a nutrition advocacy group, with the term 'food
Nazis.' Other recent Google bombs have sought to associate President Bush,
Senator Clinton and Senator Rick Santorum, a Pennsylvania Republican, with
various unprintable phrases."

"Unprintable phrases." Hmmm, how delicious. Congratulations.

Long Time Reader

I saw the story this morning shortly after the New York Times hit my porch.
While it's wonderful to finally see the new meaning of santorum referenced,
however vaguely, in The New York Times, I somehow don't think congratulations
are in order. The author of the story -- Tom McNichol -- actually interviewed me
for the piece and then had the nerve not to use any of my quotes! My quotes
contained many printable phrases, LTR, as I give a fairly pithy interview. I'm
half tempted to think of a new meaning for McNichol...

You can check out the story by going to this link:

http://www.nytimes.com/2004/01/22/te...ts/22goog.html



In one of your recent columns you complained about how none of the big media
outlets had so much as mentioned your Santorum Google-bombing victory. Well, I
was reading an article about Google-bombing in the New York Times today, and
though they didn't provide any specifics, they did mention that Santorum had
been a target! It's only a matter of time before other newspapers catch on, and
the next thing you know, whenever they show a picture of Santorum on NewsHour
with Jim Lehrer, instead of writing "R - PA" under his name they'll write "The
frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal
sex".

It Must Be A Left-Wing Conspiracy

We can only hope, IMBALWC, we can only hope.

The new meaning of santorum also made The Hotline, "National Journal's Daily
Briefing on Politics" today -- and, like The New York Times, the Hotline
chickened out, not only refusing to define the term, but neglecting to provide
the link to this website. Here's the item:

WHAT'S NEWS . . .Thursday . . . 1/22/2004 . . . 4 pm

....Meanwhile, we hear sex columnist Dan Savage has started a Web site that uses
"Santorum" as a noun, but we ain't linking to it.

Santorum Letters
January 21, 2004
I don't know if you caught the State of the Union address, but you would have
been in Santorum Nirvana. Rick was clearly seen nipping at Bush's heels as they
entered. However, the money shot came when that dickhead at the podium talked
about his commitment to an amendment ending the reign of those "activist judges"
who would allow same-sex marriages. Ol' Ricky was there, grinning and lapping up
applause. Every time I saw his face, I thought to myself, "Who the hell is that
guy? Oh yeah! That frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the
byproduct of anal sex." Great job you old politico, you.

****ed-Off Liberal

I didn't catch much State of the Union Address last night -- or SOTU, as the
bloggers like to call it. I did, however, get home just in time to hear Bush
slam those damn activist judges (like the ones who handed him the White House),
and pledge to support a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage. I, like
the four or five other gay Americans who were doubtless watching the speech,
wasn't pleased -- until the camera cut to Senator Santorum. Seeing Santorum's
ugly mug inspired me and the boyfriend to get it on in his honor.

I'm happy to report that we didn't have to endure "a visit from the senator" --
remember, kids, santorum is only *sometimes* the byproduct of anal sex.



I thought you might be happy to know that last night about eight college
students sat in our dorm watching the State of the Union address, and as the
Shrub was banging on the podium about the Defense of Marriage Act and the camera
cut to Santorum's smirking face, all eight of us burst into hysterical laughter
and started yelling, "Santorum! Santorum!" I wonder how many people across the
country had the same reaction. Maybe the number would wipe the smirk off
Santorum's face. It's spreading, Dan, santorum is spreading, and we love you for
it.

Arielle Lipshaw

Keep reading this week's letters, Arielle, and you'll learn that Senator
Santorum must have some idea about how far and wide the new meaning of santorum
is spreading.

As for the numbers of people who had the same reaction you did, well, mail is
pouring in from readers who had the same reaction you did when Senator Santorum
appeared on screen.



Not sure if anyone else saw this, but I watched the State of the Union address
on a certain "fair and balanced" cable news channel. Just as our President was
finishing his heart felt discussion of the institution of marriage (between a
man and a woman), the camera pans to The Honorable Senator from Pennsylvania,
"Rick or Dick" Santorum. It's nice to see the grips and bestboys (tee hee) read
your column.

Sincerely,

Republican Laughing At Other Republicans

Thanks for sharing, RLAOR!



Hard to believe that I could watch President Bush deliver his address, but I
did. As he delivered his sanctity of marriage spiel, the NBC cameras panned to
none other than Senator Santorum, looking quite serious and self-important. I
had to smile to myself (one of the few moments in this speech that I could),
thinking of you and your fellow faithful readers responsible for the creation
and rapidly spreading use of the term santorum.

It was the bright spot of the broadcast, at least for this Savage Love fan. Keep
up the good work!

A Big Dan Fan

I will do all I can to spread santorum, ABDF, but it's really the readers of
this website who are doing the hard, hard work of smearing the senator's name.
Keep up the good work, gang!



I want to thank you for all of your good work in redefining "santorum." I tuned
into the State of the Union address last night just in time to catch the
we-must-protect-ourselves-from-gay-marriage part, which was ever so depressing.
But as soon as Bush had finished reading his paragraph, NBC cut immediately to
Senator Rick, and all I could think of was the alternative meaning of his last
name and how Santorum has gotten his just desserts. It gave me hope. Thank you.

Erin B.

You're welcome, EB!



Just saw Rick Santorum singled out during Demonspawn's State of the Union I
wonder how many other people watching chuckled and thought of a certain
substance. Poor guy.

Puking in Chicago

Thousands, PIC, thousands -- and most of them took time to write!



Dan: Where I work, we get this daily online tip sheet called "Hotline,"
published by the National Journal. Every day they do a run-down of what
presidential candidates are up to. Today, under the John Edwards part, the
headline reads "EDWARDS: Scathed by Santorum." Somebody said out loud to no-one
in particular, "Hey, check out Edwards' bit in the hotline today." Within 30
seconds, a chorus of "eeeeewww!!" erupted from all over the floor. When we got
to the end of the item -- which I've enclosed below -- about 5 minutes of
pants-****ing laughter filled the room. Of course, the reference in hotline is
to Mr. Santorum, rather than to the noun santorum, but reading thru the passage,
the way it's worded, I'm betting that the hotline writers read your column! Sign
me,

I Thought You Should Know

Thanks for sharing, ITYSK. The item is hysterical -- and I'm betting that
whoever wrote it had to know the new meaning of the word santorum! Here it is:

EDWARDS: Scathed by Santorum

Manchester Union Leader's Kepple reports Senate GOP Conference Chair Sen. Rick
Santorum (R-PA) delivered a "blistering" attack on colleague John Edwards during
a 1/14 interview with the paper. Asked his impression of the WH '04 Dems,
especiually the three senators, he called Edwards an "empty suit" with no
understanding of how govt. worked.

Santorum: "As far as the three are concerned, all three of those candidates have
their strengths and have their weaknesses. Of the three, candidly, I'm the least
impressed with John Edwards. In his time in the United States Senate, he
distinguished himself by arguing for things I would have thought he would have
been an expert on -- things like the Patients' Bill of Rights and medical
liability -- but was as remarkably uninformed as any general member of the
United States Senate on these issues." More Santorum: "The basic perception in
the Republican caucus was that this guy is just an empty suit, that he just
simply doesn't understand. My feeling is that he's a nice guy, he makes a very
nice appearance, but I don't think he has the understanding, and the depth of
understanding, of how government works and how these kinds of things affects the
everyday person."

Edwards spokesperson Colin Van Ostern said he wasn't surprised Santorum was all
over Edwards.



My friends and I just got back from a trip to Washington, D.C. While there, we
had some free time and decided to visit Rick Santorum's office. There is a guest
book in the lobby, so two of us (each on a different day) defined "santorum" in
the comments section!

Santorum Spreaders

Good job, SS!

Santorum Letters
January 16, 2004
Dear Dan,

As the editor of a newspaper, you ought to know that, if you want the mainstream
press to pick up a story, you have to spell it out for them. Thus, drawing on
distant experience in media relations, I’ve taken the liberty of drafting a
Santorum press release (see below). If Santorum activists forward the release to
as many media outlets as possible, the story will eventually find its way to the
mainstream wires. If one big outfit puts it out, everybody else will follow.
Sooner or later, “tidbits” and “oddities” columns all over the Western world
will be overflowing with Santorum. If they post the URL, you’ll win the Google
war with ease. Twenty years from now, Senator Rick Santorum will be remembered
exclusively as “the guy who inspired the name for the frothy mixture of lube and
fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex.”

Uma O.

Dear Uma: Your press release is fabulous -- and I'm posting it here in hopes
that other santorum fans will download it and send it off to various media
outlets all over the country.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:

Anal Sex Byproduct Named for Senator Santorum

Internationally syndicated sex columnist, Dan Savage has launched a sweeping
campaign to introduce a new word, "santorum," into the English language. Mr.
Savage defines "santorum," which is named for U.S. Senator, Rick Santorum as
"The frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of
anal sex."

Mr. Savage's column, "Savage Love" appears in over seventy newspapers in the
United States, Canada, Europe and Asia. His effort to introduce "santorum" into
popular parlance comes in response to a series of bigoted remarks made by
Senator Santorum in reference to homosexuals. To help popularize the new word,
the columnist has launched a website, www.spreadingsantorum.com, which includes
a comprehensive selection of santorum-related letters, songs, merchandise,
pictures, fun facts and recipes.

The new word is spreading fast. In addition to entries in the Urban Dictionary
and the Glossary of Perversion, the site boasts numerous testimonials from
readers who report hearing it used in countries as diverse as Cuba, Belgium and
China. Google currently ranks www.spreadingsantorum.com as the third most
relevant site corresponding to a search for "santorum."

Mr. Savage says that matching a credible-sounding name with a gap in the English
language was the key to the santorum campaign's success.

"What works so well about santorum is that a smart Savage Love reader linked
Senator Santorum's vaguely clinical-sounding name with something distinctly
scatological, an anal-sex-induced bodily fluid that had previously lacked a
really good name. 'Santorum' sounds like it could be what that frothy mix of
lube and fecal matter has always been called, and that's why it's caught on."

The santorum crusade began in April, 2003 when the Pennsylvanian senator told
reporters from the Associated Press that he hoped the United States Supreme
Court would uphold anti-gay sodomy laws and compared consensual gay sex to
incest, bigamy, adultery, and "man-on-dog" sex. The comments inspired a
suggestion from a Savage Love reader that a sex act be named for Santorum "so
that the episode would never be forgotten."

In response, Mr. Savage solicited readers' suggestions for a worthy "santorum"
definition. More than 3000 nominations poured in Nine made it to a shortlist.
Readers voted overwhelmingly for "The frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter
that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex." The rest is history.

Although Senator Santorum is generally despised by Savage's readership, a few
fans have challenged the fairness of forever linking him (and, by proxy, his
family or anyone unlucky enough to share his name) to the previously anonymous
"frothy mixture." But Savage is unapologetic.

"I understand that there are some innocent Santorums out there. But I see it
like this: It sure sucked to be Fred and Ethel Hitler of Columbus, Ohio, back in
1943, didn't it? Or Bill Himmler? Or a Quisling in Norway after the war? Or a
no-relation Lewinsky? Or an Oswald in 1963? Or Mary Sue bin Laden in upstate New
York in 2001? My point is, sometimes a perfectly good name is stolen from a
family, sometimes it's ruined in fact, by the actions of one bad, wayward,
idiotic, or downright evil person, and it's the bad, wayward, idiotic, or evil
person who shared your name that's to blame, not the general public."

Senator Santorum has declined to comment on the new homonym for his last name.
But he may have trouble avoiding the matter forever.

In addition to encouraging readers to post links to the Spreading Santorum
website and lobby for an entry in the Oxford English Dictionary, Mr. Savage has
offered a gift pack including a case of lube, a selection of santorum-themed
T-shirts and copies of Anal Pleasure & Health and The Big Book of Masturbation
to anyone who can get a quote from Santorum (the senator) on santorum (the
lube-and-fecal-matter mix).

"Let's keep spreading the word," Savage says. "Soon santorum will be on
everyone's lips."



Dear Dan: I read your wish to get santorum added to the Oxford English
Dictionary. I work for the publisher, Oxford University Press, and thought I
would offer a few hints on how a collective effort can make this come about.

Firstly, our dictionary is not too sold on the idea of online sources being
reliable and permanent enough to warrant an entry that will last for posterity.
Therefore, printed sources are more successful. If you are able to find a number
of different columns or articles that reference santorum, collect the clippings.

Secondly, as another reader pointed out, these should be submitted directly to
the OED via the webpage:

http://www.oed.com/readers/http://www.oed.com/readers/.

Thirdly, it should also be noted that articles and columns that just reference
santorum in an attempt to define it are less likely to be successful - if it
still needs to be defined in the column, it means the word has not yet reached
the point where it has entered the common lexicon and therefore does not yet
warrant an entry, it is still just a neologism. Context is everything. If the
word is used in an article in a way that assumes that most readers will
understand it without it being defined, we are getting closer. Also, the broader
the audience, the better - niche-jargon or minor subculture slang is less likely
to be considered.

All the above points can be illustrated with "bling-bling", recently added to
the OED.

Lastly, not to put a damper on things, but a suitable timescale is also
preferred when a word is being considered for entry. If I remember correctly,
the traditional rule of thumb for new entries was that the word needs to appear
in at least five different widespread printed media sources over the course of
five years. I think this is less relevant these days with new techno-jargon, but
it can still be a factor.

Hope that helps the campaign achieve some success!

Your Man on the Inside

Thanks for the pointers, YMOTI.

Everyone! Keep your eyes peeled for mentions of santorum in print --
particularly ones that don't mention me or my campaign -- and send them my way.
Santorum has appeared in a play (see the next letter), and we know from an
earlier letter that the santorum might be heard in a re-make of Dawn of the
Dead. So at least two scripts out there use santorum, and neither make any
reference to me. Let's find more examples, kids!



Dan: Just writing to let you know that over the summer, I wrote a play that was
performed in the Minnesota Fringe Festival (the largest independent theater
festival in the nation). While audiences could have been larger, everyone who
saw "Semi Autobiographical" (or an advertisement for the play) was treated to a
santorum reference. I hope to go down in history as the first playwright to
integrate the term into his work.

Chris Kelly

P.S. I've enclosed the dialogue that includes the santorum reference:

JAMIE: ...and all of a sudden Travis just gets up

and leaves and says he’s going to visit his hairy

monkey boyfriend.

SARAH: He called him a hairy monkey?

JAMIE: No, I just heard somewhere that he was

really furry. Whatever, he’s gone for half an hour,

forty-five minutes maybe. And he comes back all

disheveled, and it’s clear that sex has happened. Are

you guys sure you want to hear this?

CARL: For the hundredth time, yes! We want proof

that you can tell a truly filthy story.

JAMIE: Fine, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Anyway, we get up and start walking back towards the

dorms, and we realize that there’s this brown stain

slowly spreading across the back of Travis’ pants. I

mean, he was dripping. Like, post-sexual carnage or

something.

SARAH: Santorum!

JAMIE: But since he didn’t seem to notice, none

of us said anything. We just pretended like it wasn’t

there.

DAVID: Well, he had to have realized. Maybe it was a badge of honor.

JAMIE: That’s disgusting.

DAVID: No, seriously. How do you not notice anal

leakage? He has to know that lube and cum and god

knows what else are coming out of him.

SARAH: Maybe he was numbed by the recent

monkey-lovin’.

CARL: They could have used that lube that numbs you,

so you’re all loose and ready for action.

JAMIE: And here I was worried this story would be too

gross.

SARAH: I kind of like the badge of honor idea. Like,

kind of advertising to the whole world that he’s just

had this huge dick in him. That’s completely

provocative.

CARL: Technically, we don’t know that the dick in

question was big.

SARAH: To leave him dripping like that?

(DAVID groans.)

JAMIE: To be honest, he was only mildly complimentary

of monkey man’s genitalia.

CARL: See?

DAVID: New topic.

JAMIE: Agreed.

(c) chris kelly 2004

Thanks for sharing, Chris, and I hope to see your new play transformed into a
made-for-TV movie/holiday event/very special episode of Gilmore Girls sometime
soon.

Let's move on to a few more literary selections inspired by santorum...



Hello, Mr. Savage.

Here’ s hoping the following humble effort will inspire further references to
santorum in song and verse:

There once was a schmo from New Shoreham

Renowned round the town for decorum

But when no one was near

He’d stuff a thumb up his rear

And say, "Hey! I gots lotsa santorum!

God bless you, Sir, for all the good work you have done!

Limerick Author Reinforcing Santorum



Dear Dan: "Duck butter" is a floating semen clump that sits on the top of hot
tub water after you've disengaged from having unprotected sex with your (now
discharging the resultant goop) partner. I heard this in high school in Marin
County, where bored rich teenagers, hot tubs, and absentee parenting was the
norm. "Dude, where did Jenny and Matt go?" "They're making duck butter." It was
common vernacular. Given the nature of sex in water (which sucks), I think it's
just a teenage mythos thing, but that's what I heard, so I am submitting it for
the annals humping-related terminology.

Thanks for being so great! You are best!

Love,

Name Withheld

Another reader claimed that duck butter, NW, was the original name for santorum.
I felt it was more disgusting -- if that's even possible! -- than santorum since
ducks and butter are both things we eat, and duck butter sounds like something
that comes on toast points in a nice restaurant. I'm glad to learn that duck
butter is the name of a mythical sexual byproduct -- unlike santorum, which is
an actual sexual byproduct.



Hey, Dan: I was skimming a story on a news website (this one, actually:
http://www.pittsburghlive.com/x/trib.../s_171326.html)
when I read that Rick Santorum's spokesman is named Hershey! Now, I'm sure it's
because I never matured past a seventh grade mentality, but I just found that
hilarious.

Crash

You've never matured past a seventh-grade mentality, Crash, while I can only
aspire to that level of maturity. Hershey! Ha! Thanks for sharing!



Santorum Letters
January 09, 2004

Scarborough pranked by Dan Savage of "Savage Love" fame

Santorum Letters
December 15, 2003
I am truly inspired by your ingenious victory in the campaign to permanently
stain that despicable excuse for a human being. There is no escape for him,
because all roads lead back to santorum.

There is, however, one byproduct of the now-famous definition, which might
affect one's enjoyment of a cappucino or a fresh-squeezed orange juice: Every
time I now think of the previously innocent word "frothy" in other contexts, I
find it difficult to forget the "frothy mix".

Is there a way to save that foamy, fluffy purity from the skank factor and the
senator? Would you consider a proposal to remove "frothy" from the mixture, at
least in the official definition?

Sweet Loving Underachiever Respects Purity

I'm sorry, SLURP, but "frothy" stays in the definition. The new definition of
santorum -- complete with "frothy mix" -- is on too many websites and
dictionaries to be revised now. I feel your pain, however.



Today I called the senator's office to ask about the definition and what sounded
like a cute young lady told me she had no idea what I was talking about. And I
just asked her if this was true that santorum is defined as a byproduct of anal
sex with the elements of lube and fecal matter and she told me she was "not
allowed to comment on that." I am going to have everyone I know call!

Thanks, Dan! You're Amazing!

Randy

You're welcome, Randy! And that number, for others who might want to call the
senator and ask him if he knows what his name stands for...

1-202-224-6324.



I know you've been taking all kinds of crap for spending too much time talking
about santorum, but I've just heard how to make the "Spreading Santorum" web
site the top Google result for the term "santorum." It's the trick that was used
to make George W. Bush's bio page the top Google result for the search term
"miserable failure."

Here's what needs to be done: Spread the word to all your readers who have web
pages and tell them to add this link to their personal web pages, blogs, etc.:

a href="http://www.spreadingsantorum.com"Santorum/a

The link should appear as the hypertext "Santorum" that links to the "Spreading
Santorum" web page. As more and more web pages add this link, the "Spreading
Santorum" will skyrocket to the top Google search result.

I hope this helps to place santorum in millions of web viewers' hearts, minds,
and on the tips of their tongues. (Uhh, maybe not that last one.)

Peter Smith

Thanks for sharing, Peter, and I hope all the bloggers who are out there reading
this page and linking to it follow your advice. As for the position of
spreadingsantorum.com on Google, sometimes it's #3 on the first page, other
times it's way, way down on page eight or nine. I don't understand why or how
it's bouncing around so much...



It seems Rick Santorum is on to your shenanigans.

If your readers try to email Rick Santorum from his Senate Website
(http://www.senate.gov/~santorum/), the site blocks anyone who uses
"spreadingsantorum.com" as part of the return address. So leave it off, folks,
if you want to write the senator!

As the Senator's site also asks for your zip code, correspondents who don't live
in Pennsylvania may want to check the online yellow pages for Pennsylvania. As a
frothing-at-the-mouth asshole who's also an elected politician, Rick Santorum
may pay more attention to Pennsylvania zip codes than out-of-state ones.
Zip Codes from Fun-Sounding Pennsylvania Places:
Beaver Falls - 15009
Bird-in-Hand 17505
Camp Hill - 17011
Danville - 17821
Intercourse - 17534
Mount Joy - 17552
Paradise - 17562
Peach Bottom - 17563
Pleasant Gap - 16823
Snow Shoe - 16874
West Middlesex - 16159

Zip Codes from Boring Locales:
Allentown - 18101
Bethlehem - 18015
Lancaster - 17602
Mechanicsburg - 17050
Philadelphia - 19103
Pittsburgh - 15260
Reading - 19602
Wyomissing - 19610

By the way, how do you feel about the link from your site to Glossary of
Perversion? It contains a large number of dictionary definitions promoting
violence towards women: beating women's faces in, punching them in the stomach,
rupturing their eardrums, slamming them against walls and tables, gouging their
eyes out and coming in their eye sockets.

I was dismayed.

A Fan And Supporter

Thanks for the helpful tips, AFAS. My readers who would like to contact Senator
Santorum should follow your advice, leave out the name of this website, and use
one of the zip codes you've provided.

As to the Glossary of Perversion, well, I'm torn. I don't approve of violence
against women, of course, but it is a glossary of perversion, and violence
against women is definately perverse, right? Still, it seems like the GoP is
reveling in violence against women, so I'm going to remove the link from my
website.



The folks at the San Francisco Chronicle are soliciting nominations for 2003's
Word of the Year. Obviously, no word has better symbolized the ongoing turbulent
relationship between the world's two favorite pastimes, sex and politics, than
"Santorum." The URL below provides instructions on how to vote.
http://www.sfgate.com/cgibin/article...12/11/word.DTL

SPREAD THE SANTORUM!

TS, San Francisco, CA

Thanks for sharing, TS! Folks, go to the Chronicle's website and vote for
santorum!



This is in response to SSATUOM, who suggested adding sperm to the definition of
"santorum." I know it may be hard for some of your readers to believe, but
santorum can be created without a penis being involved.

Sincerely,

Delights In Kinky Ecstacy

Right you are, DIKE. You don't need a penis to make santorom. Two lesbians can
have anal sex -- or two men, or a man and a woman, or someone playing solo
person. All you really need to make santorum is a butthole, some lube, and
something to stir the pot. Fingers, toys, strap-ons, fists, and forearms have
all produced santorum.



Hey, Dan: Q: Who gave the Senator of Pennsylvania fecal matter-and-lube-stained
sheets for Xmas?

A: Santorum Claus! Ho ho ho.

Happy Holidays!

Happy holidays to you too, HH!



Just wanted to let you know that santorum is spreading in the Midwest. I was at
a bar here in Minneapolis last night with some friends and we taught the
bartender to make the santorum shot described in your column. He had heard of
santorum, the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter, but not the alcoholic
version. He thought it was hilarious, and we drank several of them. You're
right, they are delicious!

Jo in Minneapolis

Thanks for spreading the cheer, Jo!



Santorum Letters
December 08, 2003
Dear Mr. Savage: I am writing to suggest a slight change in the definition of
"santorum," which is currently, "the frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter
that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex." I suggest adding the ingredient of
semen to the definition. While this may exclude certain types of fecal matter
and lube mixtures, such as the mixture resulting from "pegging," the addition of
semen as a requisite to the defining mixture will add an additional element of
squalor to the definition, making it all the more apropos to describe our
cherished Senator. I would also like you to know that the term is catching on at
the University of Miami School of Law. My colleagues and I have attempted to
spread the santorum goodness around. Keep spreading the goodness! Sign me,

Spreading Santorum at the University of Miami

Jesus, SSATUOM, I think the definition is gross enough as-is, don't you? And
while semen is sometimes present in santorum, I don't want to encourage people
to have unsafe sex just so they can make a little santorum. I like the idea
that, as currently defined, santorum can be made by two people who barely know
each other, made safely, and made often.



You have a fan in Cuba. My Cuban girlfriend began enjoying Savage Love when she
visited me here in Toronto a while ago. Last week I was visiting her in Cuba,
and I brought your column with me to give her some more interesting (and
forbidden, like pornography and anything else sexual) reading material. We read
your column together and as usual she had a good laugh. When I explained the
term santorum to her, at first she laughed her head off, then looked at me
seriously and said, "You know, there are people in prison for over 20 years in
this country for saying less than that about our politicians." She paused to let
that sink in, then said, "Democracy is great."

Dan, don't you and your fellow Americans wonder, if your democracy is so great
to give you the freedom to promote santorum in public, why it's so afraid of
allowing its citizens to visit a struggling little Caribbean country?

Countries Under Bad Authority

The politicians who prevent Americans from visiting Cuba, CUBA, aren't afraid of
Castro or Cuban communism catching on in the USA. They're just afraid of ****ing
off conservative Cubans in Miami, those famously easy-to-****-off whackos.



I am not sure if this has been suggested yet, but if you can get enough readers
to setup internet links on their webpages with "Rick Santorum" and point it to
your www.spreadingsantorum.com page, your page should bubble to the top of the
Google search engine. This has been successful in the past (i.e. search for
"miserable failure" in Google and Pres. Bush's Whitehouse biography is the first
link listed). More information for "Google-Bombing" can be found at
http://www.wordspy.com/words/Googlebombing.asp.

Stick It To Him

Thanks for the hot tip, SITH.



Dear Mr. Savage,

Just wanted to drop you a quick note to let you know that several of my
friends—many of whom, sadly, do not read your column—have been using the term
santorum in conversation in a way that has nothing to do with the politician.
Your experiment to forever attach this horrible man's name to a horrible
post-coital mixture is an unequivocal success. As one who is both a faithful
reader of your weekly column, and one who loves and studies the English
language, let me congratulate you on your successful grassroots campaign to
forever add the nastiness of santorum to our lexicon.

Word Fetishist

Thank you, WF. Now when will the mainstream press report on this? For an example
of the conservative bias in the mainstream press in action, one need only look
to the complete media blackout on the Santorum/santorum issue. Why won't the
mainstream (read: conservative) press report on our successful campaign to
attach Sen. Rick Santorum's name to a sexual byproduct that's almost as
disgusting as he is? Their conservative bias, of course. Someone alert Eric
Alterman!



Hey Mister! There were times when your deviation into political commentary
really annoyed me—partly because I'm one of those Counterpunch reading lefties
who was less than fond of Al Gore. Uh… let's just hate the Bush administration,
'k? Anyway, I couldn't be more grateful for the "santorum" thing. It's things
like your brilliant "santorum" campaign that make life worth living. Thank you
thank you thank you! I really, really needed that.

Loves Everything Funny That Insults Elephants

Thank you for your sweet note, LEFTIE. But you seem to have left something
out... AN APOLOGY! You don't say it in your letter, LEFTIE, but I can read
between the lines: You voted for Ralph Nader! And, as a Nader voter, you helped
put George W. Bush in office. So while I'll happily hate the Bush administration
right along with you, LEFTIE, I can't help but point out that you bear some
responsibility for the existence of that administration! First, an apology, then
we can commiserate together, 'k?



Santorum is my representative. I am an artist in Pittsburgh and he embarrasses
me. I made a photo illustration of him with a body that I bet he wishes he had.

http://www.sextorum.com

I'm offering it for sale. I need to make $2,000 so that I can give the maximum
amount that is currently allowed by federal law to donate to the person who runs
against Santroum in 2006.

John R.



You've associated a very foul by product of sodomy to a man's name. No matter
how awful this man is, I wonder how fair it is for his family and anyone who
have nothing to do with this politician and happen to have the same name.

I remember in school a bully picked on a girl who's name was Edith Mae. He made
fun of her and anyone named Edith(this included adults) was a target of this
moron. I see "Santorum" as the perfect example of this. I'm not saying you're a
bully but your actions border on contemptible.

Rallying people to make fun of a man is one thing but to sanction his last name
to ridicule, which belong to innocent people not associated with this man, is
another.

I did a quick Yahoo search just for the hell of it and found 124 Santorums all
over the US. Do these people deserve to have their names associated with fecal
matter and anal sex? I don't think so, do you? I love you, Dan but I'm just not
behind this.

Uncomfortable With This Campaign

I see your point, UWTC, but I have to ask: When Santorum was smearing gays and
lesbians all over the United States—comparing us to dog ****ers—did you send him
an outraged letter? Somehow I doubt it. And, ****, I'm sorry, and I understand
that there are some innocent Santorums out there. But I see it like this: It
sure sucked to be Fred and Ethel Hitler of Columbus, Ohio, back in 1943, didn't
it? Or Bill Himler? Or a Quisling in Norway after the war? Or no-relation
Lewinsky? Or an Oswald in 1963? Or Mary Sue bin Laden in upstate New York in
2001? My point is, sometimes a perfectly name is stolen from a family, sometimes
it's ruined in fact, by the actions of one bad, wayward, idiotic, or downright
evil—and it's the bad, wayward, idiotic, or evil person who shared your name
that's to blame, UWTC, not the general public.



You're probably sick of santorum stories by now but I thought I'd pass mine
along anyway, 'cause it's a good one...

Over Thanksgiving I was in central Pennsytucky, Santorum's own constituency and
a right wing bastion, and I happened to be in a Walmart parking lot walking past
this big 'ol pickup truck with a gun rack, you get the picture.

Well this guy had some interesting bumper stickers. One said, "I vote pro-life."
One said some **** about being a NRA supporter. And one said, "Sportsmen for
Santorum." Oh, if he only knew...

SMM

Thanks for sharing, SMM!



I recently submitted the word "santorum" to the Oxford English Dictionary and
included a section of your column as an example of popular usage. I made an
inquiry as to whether this could be considered a legitimate word, seeing as how
it's catching on so quickly. I haven't received a reply back so far. I would
encourage your readers to send in enough examples so that we can see this
wonderfully versatile word included in the next edition.

Longtime Reader in Massachusetts

Thanks for sharing, LRIM, and I want to encourage everyone out there reading
this to send an email to the nice folks at the OED. That link again:
www.oed.com/readers/



Glad for the opportunity to contribute to this international craze, a little
something for your Contact Santorum section...

The good senator has a link on his website where you can submit an email with
your views regarding a range of issues. I would like to encourage your readers
to make use of this wonderful opportunity to deluge his office with Santorum
related questions or comments. Clever or crass, let's show him how widespread
and inescapable his doom is. For topic, use "Faith Bases Initiatives".

I can just imagine it, every time ol' Rick hears about this... his teeth
clench... his smile gets a little wider, but blood vessels are bursting in the
whites of his eyes... each day....closer and closer... inch by inch....makes me
feel warm inside, and this time it's not from heated lube. Pass the KY and let
him feel the ass****ing given to him by one gay sex columnist!

http://santorum.senate.gov/emailrjs.html

Send Him Inescapable Torture

Thanks for sharing, ****!



Santorum Letters
December 04, 2003
While I endorse the appropriation of Senator Rick Santorum's last name as a word
for that frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of
anal sex, and am doing whatever I can to help propel the word into common usage,
the campaign does have a downside. As a young girl who enjoys anal pleasure, I
often undertake the task of introducing young boys to the pleasures of anal sex.
Some of them start out squeamish and full of misconceptions, and your focus on
one of the least appealing aspects of anal sex hasn't helped. I do not want my
lovers to expect santorum, Dan! I have never produced the stuff! I find that
rinsing a few times with warm water administered with a 35 ml syringe prevents
it entirely.

Please inform your readers that individual standards for pre-sodomy cleansing
vary widely, and while a frothy mix of lube and fecal matter is sometimes the
byproduct of anal sex, it isn't always, and, with a little preparation, santorum
can be avoided entirely.

Squeaky Clean

As I've emphasized again and again, SC, santorum is only sometimes the byproduct
of anal sex. For the record: Anal sex doesn't necessarily have to result in "a
visit from the senator," a handy euphemism that's already in circulation. Anyone
who encounters santorum every time he/she has anal sex needs to get a little
more fiber in his/her diet, as well as spending a little more time in the can,
pre-butt****in'.



As I'm of the opinion that nothing's truly entered the lexicon until it's had a
basement punk band named after it, I hope you dig this: a band of teenagers
taking part in this summer's musicstop/canadian conservatory of music "Rock
Camp" in Halifax called themselves "the santorums". I'm sure you can get more
info/confirmation by getting in touch with www.musicstop.com . Hell, no such
thing as bad publicity, you'd probably get these kids a record deal just by
mentioning them in your column.

Cosmic Haligonian

I'm sorry, CH, that I can't mention The Santorums in my column -- not now,
anyway. If the kids pull together a CD or a single, let me know and I'll see if
I can work 'em in to the column and get 'em a record deal. In the meantime, I
hope a mention on spreadingsantorum.com at least gets The Santorums some club
gigs.



Regarding the speculation in your latest column about whether the new term
"santorum" is going to make it into the vernacular: if it isn't, perhaps it is
because that "frothy mix" already HAS a name. It's called "love gravy." I read a
few years ago it in the interview with a porn actor and haven't been able to get
the term out of my head since.

No Clever Acronyms Here

Thanks for making it clear to all the folks out there complaining about the word
santorum, NCAH, that there's a far more disgusting term for that frothy mix.
Actually some readers have written in about yet another term for that frothy
mix: duck butter. Santorum, while disgusting, is vaguely clinical sounding and
abstract, whereas "duck butter" and "love gravy," on the other hand, are far
more disgusting by dint of their association with foodstuffs. Duck butter and
love gravy sound like products you spread on toast points and pour over mashed
potatoes, respectively, before putting them in your mouth to chew and swallow.
Santorum, on the other hand, sounds like something you need to get out your
sheets and/or out of the U.S. Senate pronto.



I love your column, and I've enjoyed the santorum-the-noun saga since it began.
But do you think you could do me a favor and lose the phrase "santorum will soon
be on everyone's lips"? I know what you mean, but it still sounds gross. You
told a girl recently that she was justified in refusing a blow job when her
boyfriend said his dick looked like it was covered in santorum. I think this
falls roughly into the same category. Who wants to think about santorum on their
lips?

Santorum Isn't Culinary, Kids

Consider it done, SICK. In place of the phrase "santorum will soon be on
everyone's lips," I promise to use... hm... let me see. Oh, yes: "Santorum: It's
on the tip of your tongue."



Your effort to popularize "santorum" continues to pay off. I was enjoying a
post-work drink with friends recently when a news clip featuring the big man
himself appeared on the bar's TV. The conversation immediately turned to that
"frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter", how appropriate it is that the word
was coined in honor of the senator, and laughter at the man himself.

Now that the use of santorum is well on its way, I wonder if the Savage Love
lexicon could be expanded with a new word—"boygina." My boyfriend coined that
one. He's one of those straight guys that enjoys having a dildo in his ass
during sex. I had difficulty with this at first, but he explained that massaging
his prostate during sex (something he discovered in adolescence) made his
ejaculations more intense (it does) and that a man's asshole can be just as
erogenous as a woman's vagina (it can).

However, discussing anal sex using "ass", "asshole", "rectum", or "bunghole"
colors the conversation with a dirty, excretory aura. "Boygina" makes it sexy.
The only thing I can't decide is whether to spell it "boygina" or "boigina."

I hope you'll consider it for inclusion in the Savage Love dictionary.

Sincerely,

The Dildo and Daniel W.

I'm sorry, TDADW, but "I wanna **** your ass," is a lot sexier than, "I wanna
**** your boygina/boigina." I mean, ugh. Boygina/boigina sounds like something a
pedophile might say, or a fallen pop star, or a man who's having trouble
accepting that he likes to get ****ed in the ass so he wants to think of his ass
as some sort of cut-rate vagina. Repeat after me: "I wanna **** my boyfriend's
hot ass," "I want to **** my boyfriend's hot ass," "I wanna **** my boyfriend's
hot ass..." The more times you say it, the sexier it sounds.



My wife and I have had two boys in cloth diapers, and these ****-rags are still
gleaming white. If your readers are having trouble getting santorum out of the
sheets, off the pillowcases and out of the drapes, here's what will work: Keep a
covered bucket in the bathroom, filled with water and a hydrogen-peroxide-based
cleaner. Once you find yourself in possession of santorum that you'd like to be
rid of, drown it in the bucket. Run the garments through the washing machine
once the bucket is full, and all will be swell.

Daddy-O

Thanks for the helpful hint, Daddy-O! But anyone who produces santorum so
regularly—remember, it's only the byproduct of anal sex sometimes—should
probably give up anal sex altogether and take up, oh, knitting or something less
physically demanding.



Every time I got to the gym this superhot personal trainer wants me to finger
**** him in the back hall. I'm always up for gym sex, but I hate how my fingers
smell for the rest of my workout. No matter how hard I scrub or how much lotion
I slather I still smell like his santorum. Is there a brand of soap or a home
remedy you would recommend?

Smelly Fingers

Ask your gym to keep a bucket filled with water and a hydrogen-peroxide-based
cleanser in the locker room for you to soak your lil' fingers in.



I am 52 yo man and had my first anal intercourse a few weeks ago with Hawaiian
hooker in San Francisco. I hated the santorum!

But that's not why I'm writing, this is: I have a theory for your attack on the
senator. I think you are sexually attracted to Rick. Although he is very mean
and arrogant, he is rather feminine and frail/boyish looking man....

Late Bloomer

Sorry, LB. Senator Santorum does nothing for me—I mean, I've had "hate sex,"
banging away at some guy I thought was a jerk, so it's not like the concept of
wanting to **** someone you loathe is alien to me. There are a lot of hateful
guys out there I wouldn't mind making santorum with—or wouldn't mind risking it
with, since santorum isn't always the byproduct of anal sex, only sometimes the
byproduct—but Santorum ain't one of 'em. Dan Quayle's oldest son, on the hand...

  #2  
Old January 31st, 2004, 05:40 PM
lcs Mixmaster Remailer
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Spreading Santorum

In article
MakeIt wrote:

He's such a bush asskisser and repuke shill, that he must be looking for
a job in the administration. Ridge wanted the same thing but since PA
went to the democrats, he didn't get it......at least until they MADE a
special post just for him. Maybe they do that for Rick the Prick.

  #3  
Old January 31st, 2004, 07:49 PM
The Dude
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Spreading Santorum


"lcs Mixmaster Remailer" wrote in message
...
In article
MakeIt wrote:

He's such a bush asskisser and repuke shill, that he must be looking for
a job in the administration. Ridge wanted the same thing but since PA
went to the democrats, he didn't get it......at least until they MADE a
special post just for him. Maybe they do that for Rick the Prick.


Photo-op Santorum. The Gillespie-looking geek thinks he'll be president
someday. Ever notice how many pictures you see of Santorum with his thumb up
Bush's ass? I will thank Bush for one thing, getting Ridge out of PA. Even
though he walked out midterm to take his cabinet post, he left PA a mess.
Now Rendell must clean up his mess.


  #4  
Old January 31st, 2004, 09:10 PM
Nomen Nescio
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Spreading Santorum

In article
"The Dude" wrote:

...and Rendell will have an easier time cleaining up Ridge's mess than
the next dem will have getting rid of dubya's screwups.

  #5  
Old January 31st, 2004, 11:57 PM
The Dude
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Spreading Santorum


"Nomen Nescio" wrote in message
...
In article
"The Dude" wrote:

..and Rendell will have an easier time cleaining up Ridge's mess than
the next dem will have getting rid of dubya's screwups.


I agree, because of Ridge's deficit he left, state payroll taxes have been
raised for 2004, State University tuition are up, propsed grants and funding
have been taken of the table. But then again, Cheney says deficits don't
matter.


  #6  
Old February 1st, 2004, 03:18 AM
Shawn \Me\ Hearn
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Spreading Santorum

In article ,
lcs Mixmaster Remailer wrote:

In article
MakeIt wrote:

He's such a bush asskisser and repuke shill, that he must be looking for
a job in the administration. Ridge wanted the same thing but since PA
went to the democrats, he didn't get it......at least until they MADE a
special post just for him. Maybe they do that for Rick the Prick.


Maybe the Department of Sexual Regulation would fit Santorum's interests
since he seems so concerned with how private consenting adults have sex.
  #7  
Old February 1st, 2004, 03:19 AM
Shawn \Me\ Hearn
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Spreading Santorum

In article ,
Nomen Nescio wrote:

In article
"The Dude" wrote:

..and Rendell will have an easier time cleaining up Ridge's mess than
the next dem will have getting rid of dubya's screwups.


So far, the going has been quite rough for Rendell in cleaning up after
Ridge.
  #8  
Old February 1st, 2004, 05:04 PM
Shawn \Me\ Hearn
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Spreading Santorum

In article ,
"The Dude" wrote:

"Nomen Nescio" wrote in message
...
In article
"The Dude" wrote:

..and Rendell will have an easier time cleaining up Ridge's mess than
the next dem will have getting rid of dubya's screwups.


I agree, because of Ridge's deficit he left, state payroll taxes have been
raised for 2004, State University tuition are up, propsed grants and funding
have been taken of the table. But then again, Cheney says deficits don't
matter.


Of course Cheney says that. Cheney is one of the hypocrites who's
helping to drive up deficits. Just like Treasury Secretary Snow,
they all toot the same horn. Deficits are bad when they run for
office, but just fine when they're the ones wasting our taxes.
  #9  
Old February 1st, 2004, 05:30 PM
Nomen Nescio
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Spreading Santorum

In article
"The Dude" wrote:

Deficits DON'T matter to cheney. With the money he has stolen and socked
away, he'll never have time to spend it all before that little machine in
his chest that keeps his heart moving, stops. Kind of ironic isn't it?
THe true irony is that a stone cold liar like dickie would even have a
heart to go bad.
As for Ridge, he completely ignored the doctor/medical insurance issue
while he was in office too. Now, for those that don't know, it looks like
Rendell is the heavy. It'll be the same with bush and the next democrat
just like it was with Clinton trying to rebuild what Raygun lost for us.
Cyclic...repuke screws up, democrat gets blamed for rebuilding. Of
course, once the dem rebuilds, such as Clinton and the final surplus he
got, the repukes give him no credit but instead project, this time the
credit, not the blame, on a repuke congress (which by the way, did
everything it could to keep the economy from growing during the Clinton
years....but to their surprise, it did anyway.)

  #10  
Old February 1st, 2004, 05:34 PM
Fat Bastard
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Spreading Santorum

"MakeIt" wrote in message
. ..
Pronunciation: san-TOR-um
Function: noun
1. The frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct

of
anal sex.

http://www.spreadingsantorum.com/


WHAT THE **** IS THIS ****?????

Santorum Letters
January 29, 2004
Dan:

Thought you'd be interested in this email:

From: "Palmer, Wayne (Santorum)"



U.S. Senator Rick Santorum (R-PA), Chairman of the Senate Republican

Conference,
is seeking a Deputy Press Secretary. The ideal candidate will have strong

ties
to the state of Pennsylvania, as well as education and/or 2-4 years of
press/p.r. experience, preferably in government. This position represents

a
great opportunity for a young person to work for the third-ranking leader

of the
Senate majority, who is also a member of the Senate Finance Committee.

If any of your alumni or current students fit this profile and would like

to
work on Capitol Hill, they can call me directly at (202) 224-6324 or fax

their
resume to me at (202) 228-4808.

Thank you for your consideration.

Wayne Palmer

Policy Director

U.S. Senator Rick Santorum

It's time to send in a spy. Signed,

A Loyal Reader.

Thank you for sending this email on to me, ALR. If there's anyone out

there who
is 1. a fan of santorum-producing activities 2. a regular reader of
spreadingsantorum.com 3. unemployed and 4. willing to work for Senator

Santorum
and spy on Senator Santorum for this website, well, it looks like ol' Rick

has a
job for you! Apply today!

Santorum Letters
January 27, 2004
I would like to correct some misinformation on the spreadingsantorum.com

page.
On January 24th you published the following on your Spreading Santorum

website:

"Hm... Santorum fills an auditorium... the mind fairly boggles! I noticed,
however, when I read the story, that none of the students at Georgetown

had the
balls to ask Senator Santorum about the meaning of his new name. What a

bunch of
cowards!"

Someone did ask the Senator about the new use of his name, Mr. Savage, and

that
someone was me. The question was not mentioned in either campus

publication, but
I do have it on video.

When my friends and I heard that the Senator was coming to speak as part

of the
annual Cardinal O'Connor Conference on Life, we planned on going and

asking
about the definition. We had a plan where one of us was going to dress

like a
Midwestern conservative and pretend to be outraged when doing internet

research
on the Senator and finding this new use for his name. We ended up having

to use
plan B when the Senator took ten minutes to answer each question and the

woman
we had chosen to do the asking was still far back in line.

So, when my turn came, I asked him. In response he attempted to take the

high
ground and not really address the question. Keep checking your regular

mail for
a copy of the tape so you can judge for yourself if we should win the

prize for
getting him to comment. Many people feel that the question I asked him was
"disrespectful" and "graphic." I certainly didn't think so. And I have

heard
that as the organizers of the conference, Georgetown University Right to

Life,
apologized to him on his way out he said, "That's what you get for not

charging
for tickets." As if I wouldn't have paid to ask Santorum about santorum!

Anyhow, just wanted to let you know that there are some at Georgetown

unafraid
to ask the tough questions of our public officials.

Mike

Well, Mike, if you did ask Senator Santorum about the new meaning of

santorum,
and if you caught that moment on tape, you will not only win my undying

love and
affection, but some books and other nice gifts mentioned in a previous

Savage
Love columns. I can't recall off the top of my head what those gifts were,

Mike,
but I'm pretty sure they were awesome.

So I will look for the video in the mail -- and once it arrives, and once

I've
verified it, I will get your prize package to you. I will also make copies

of
the tape and send them to various media outlets *and* post the video on

this
here website.



I'm a student at Georgetown and the News Editor at The Georgetown Voice.

To
clarify, student Mike Wilson did in fact ask Senator Santorum a question

about
the meaning of his name, citing your definition verbatim. The article's

mention
of "several pointed questions" was an arguably oblique reference to this
incident, which has been widely discussed by the student body here.

Shanthi Manian

News Editor

The Georgetown Voice

As oblique references go, Ms. Manian, "several pointed questions" is so

oblique
as to be arguably useless. How is anyone to infer from "several pointed
questions" that a guy named Mike Wilson asked Senator Santorum about that

frothy
mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex

and
not, say, the Senator's support for the partial birth abortion ban, his
obsession with man-on-dog sex, his bash-the-poor comments to various

reporters?

Frankly, Ms. Manian, your news judgment is lacking. Any serious student of
journalism would have covered this groundbreaking development in depth

(and
given props to the brave Mr. Wilson!), and not dismissed it with a so

vague an
aside!



Let me assure you that someone at Georgetown did indeed have the balls to

stand
up and ask Senator Santorum about his namesake. Proof is contained in the
following letter written to The Hoya, another Georgetown University

newspaper:

While Georgetown's Speech and Expression Policy may never be amended to

restrict
irreverent or uncouth remarks, it disappoints me when certain members of

the
Georgetown community abuse the privilege of listening and learning to such

a
degree.

Such was the case at Sen. Santorum's (R-Pa.) keynote address yesterday at

the
Cardinal O'Connor Conference on Life. In a desperate attempt for attention

and
recognition during the Q&A session, one individual chose to liken the

Senator to
a vile bodily discharge in order to portray his alleged reputation within
homosexual circles.

The Senator responded well to the verbal attack, and this individual's

misguided
comments proved only to be an embarrassment to himself.

From what I am told, both the organizers of the conference and the

questioner
operated within the bounds of the Speech and Expression policy. But I've

come to
realize that there's a huge distance between what this policy permits and

what
it ought to require - if only one thing - from the intelligent and

privileged
individuals that comprise our community. And it's called decency.

Kirk C. Syme (MSB '04)

Director, 2004 Cardinal O'Connor Conference on Life



I was out this weekend in DC, and I was trying to explain to a couple of

friends
in town from Chicago, the definition and origins of santorum. They were so
intrigued by it all (first of all they had never even heard of Rick

Santorum,
much less the newer definition), that we decided that we would conduct a

small,
impromptu and unscientific survey at the bar we were going to after

dinner, to
see how far santorum has spread. This survey consisted of me going to

every
table I could and asking everyone seated if 1) they had heard of Santorum

and 2)
what they knew of the word.

Here are the results: 45 people total surveyed. 18 people had never heard

of
Rick Santorum. Out of the remaining 26, all of whom had heard of Rick

Santorum,
10 knew the "'Savage Love' definition," as many called it.

While I was slightly disappointed, my friends from Chicago were intrigued.

The
best part, though, is that in conducting this small survey, at least one

person
at every table did know the "Savage Love" definition and everyone at the

table
who was not in the know immediately demanded to know what the hell I was

talking
about. So although when I arrived only 10 people knew, when I left 35 more
people had heard the word, and I guarantee that my newly informed Chicago
friends will be spreading the santorum upon their return home this week.

Just thought you might be interested in this little neck of the 'spreading

the
santorum' woods.

KC in DC

Apropos of nothing, KC in DC, I was born and raised in Chicago, where I

was
spreading santorum myself long before the word was coined.

And while you were disappointed in the results of your survey, KC, I was

not. Of
the 45 people you surveyed in DC, ten knew the new "frothy mix" definition

of
santorum. That's upwards of 20% of all D.C. drinkers surveyed! That's

terrific
market penetration-ask anyone in advertising!



Dan: I love the idea of you running bus ads here in DC, but it just sounds

too
expensive and too difficult to get past the censors. Have you considered
stickers (of the bumper variety and smaller), at least as a first step?

Some of
us here would be more than happy to stick them around town.

Josh

Yes, Josh, I have considered stickers-viral marketing I believe the

practice is
called-but it would be difficult for me to run a viral marketing campaign

from
afar. (Alas, I do not live in D.C.) Plus, most viral marketing is illegal,

as
viral marketing usually involves defacing public property with stickers

and such
like. I would much prefer to buy bus ads-so I'll just hope that George

Soros
comes though with some dough. In the meantime, of course, you and your

friends
in D.C. are free to take whatever steps you feel are necessary to spread
santorum on your own...



I'm a DC resident and last evening (Friday, January 23, 2004), I was at a

scummy
bar in Georgetown and happened to be having a few drinks with some friends

from
my university alumni association.

There was a girl with whom I was talking that was pleasant and nice. She
mentioned that she just finished an internship on the Hill. I have an
inquisitive mind (and also, I use party affiliation to determine if the
conversation is going to continue) so I asked this kind person which

senator
worked for. Her response: "Senator Santorum."

I despise Senator Santorum. However, the thought of your website and

personal
crusade against this man came into my head. I stopped for a moment,

expressed my
dismay to the young lady, and then asked her if she knew what santorum now
means. She did. Back during her internship, she help respond to constitute

mail.
Senator Santorum would receive upwards of thirty emails a day from

individuals
across the country on the alternative meaning of his name. The Senator

requests
that every day his staff summarize the topics of all email and have that

summary
brought to him to read. This young lady confirmed that the alternative
definition of his name was listed, constantly, in these daily updates.

Congratulations, Dan, and warm regards,

Brian

Thanks for taking the time to write, Brian. And in case anyone would like

to get
something into Senator Santorum's daily email summary, here's the

senator's
email address again:


Santorum Letters
January 23, 2004
Dear Dan,

On Wednesday, 21 January, the Senator Himself spoke in our Inter-Cultural

Center
on his signature topic, and The Voice, one of our student newspapers, gave

the
talk its usual & fairly straight-forward coverage. However, given the

headline
on the top of the front page, I can't help but wonder if someone on the

staff
knows about the (still) secondary meaning of the term:



The original can be found at: Georgetown Voice

Hm... Santorum fills an auditorium... the mind fairly boggles! I noticed,
however, when I read the story, that none of the students at Georgetown

had the
balls to ask Senator Santorum about the meaning of his new name. What a

bunch of
cowards!

Santorum Letters
January 22, 2004
Dear Mr. Savage,

I just wanted to congratulate you on "santorum" making it into the New

York
Times -- kind of. It appears in Thursday's edition in an article about

"google
bombing." Unfortunately, they only allude to the meaning of the word:

"Other
recent Google bombs have sought to associate President Bush, Senator

Clinton and
Senator Rick Santorum, a Pennsylvania Republican, with various unprintable
phrases."

Engineering Google Results to Make a Point

I suppose we shouldn't expect to find "the frothy mixture of lube and

fecal
matter that is sometimes the product of anal sex" within the pages of the

Times
(at least not since that prankster Jayson Blair left), but then again, no

one
expected a US senator to bring up "man on dog."

Anyways, hopefully this is the kind of printed ammo you need for your

campaign
for OED recognition. And apparently you have fans at America's premiere
newspaper. Could a Sunday Times column be next? I bet William Safire would

love
to have you on board. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for an "On Language"
etymology of "santorum."

Also, watching the State of the Union with a room full of Harvard

undergrads,
the camera shot of Santorum ellicited howls of laughter from half of us,

and
after a quick explanation, snickers from the rest. Aside from Tom Brady's

cameo
(he's a Patriot, we get it already...) and Nancy Pelosi's

mescaline-induced
Democratic response, it was the highlight of the speech.

Best,

Dan Bailey

Oh, one final thought: Perhaps the reason none of my quotes were included

in the
Tom McNichol's piece on Google bombing is that. well, I had to confess to

Tom
that I never bombed Google at all. When I expressed a desire to get
www.spreadingsantorum.com up to the top of the page when you searched
"Santorum"
on Google, I got a lot of advise from readers about how to do just that.
Unfortunately, it involved a great deal of work - work done in front of

the
computer, no less, work I was simply too lazy to do. I told Mr. McNichol

as
much, and told him that www.spreadingsantorum.com made it to it's current

#4
position on Google on its merits alone, and not thanks to any attempts on

my
part to game the system. All I did was put the site up andmention it in my
column ("Savage Love"). My readers - God bless them, every one - did the

rest.

So it's thanks to my readers that www.spreadingsantorum.com, and the new
definition of santorum, pops right up when you search santorum. It's not

in the
top spot yet. but I'm content to be where I am, #4, right after three

links to
Senator Santorum's own website. Indeed, it's only fitting that I'm

bringing up
Senator Santorum's rear.

Finally, I'm considering buying bus ads on Washington DC buses and in the

DC
subway to promote this website and help spread santorum all over our

nation's
capitol. This is, it goes without saying, a hugely expensive proposition.

If
there's anyone out there reading this (hello, George Soros!) who might

like to
contribute. don't be shy! Write me at



Santorum Letters
January 22, 2004
Well, well, well.

Not too long ago you were bemoaning the fact that santorum and it's

correct
definition was not being picked up by the main stream media. It is getting
closer.

Today in the New York Times I read an article titled "Engineering Google

Results
to Make a Political Point." I found the following therein: "The Liberty

Round
Table, a libertarian group, started a Google bomb that linked the Center

for
Science in the Public Interest, a nutrition advocacy group, with the term

'food
Nazis.' Other recent Google bombs have sought to associate President Bush,
Senator Clinton and Senator Rick Santorum, a Pennsylvania Republican, with
various unprintable phrases."

"Unprintable phrases." Hmmm, how delicious. Congratulations.

Long Time Reader

I saw the story this morning shortly after the New York Times hit my

porch.
While it's wonderful to finally see the new meaning of santorum

referenced,
however vaguely, in The New York Times, I somehow don't think

congratulations
are in order. The author of the story -- Tom McNichol -- actually

interviewed me
for the piece and then had the nerve not to use any of my quotes! My

quotes
contained many printable phrases, LTR, as I give a fairly pithy interview.

I'm
half tempted to think of a new meaning for McNichol...

You can check out the story by going to this link:

http://www.nytimes.com/2004/01/22/te...ts/22goog.html



In one of your recent columns you complained about how none of the big

media
outlets had so much as mentioned your Santorum Google-bombing victory.

Well, I
was reading an article about Google-bombing in the New York Times today,

and
though they didn't provide any specifics, they did mention that Santorum

had
been a target! It's only a matter of time before other newspapers catch

on, and
the next thing you know, whenever they show a picture of Santorum on

NewsHour
with Jim Lehrer, instead of writing "R - PA" under his name they'll write

"The
frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of

anal
sex".

It Must Be A Left-Wing Conspiracy

We can only hope, IMBALWC, we can only hope.

The new meaning of santorum also made The Hotline, "National Journal's

Daily
Briefing on Politics" today -- and, like The New York Times, the Hotline
chickened out, not only refusing to define the term, but neglecting to

provide
the link to this website. Here's the item:

WHAT'S NEWS . . .Thursday . . . 1/22/2004 . . . 4 pm

...Meanwhile, we hear sex columnist Dan Savage has started a Web site that

uses
"Santorum" as a noun, but we ain't linking to it.

Santorum Letters
January 21, 2004
I don't know if you caught the State of the Union address, but you would

have
been in Santorum Nirvana. Rick was clearly seen nipping at Bush's heels as

they
entered. However, the money shot came when that dickhead at the podium

talked
about his commitment to an amendment ending the reign of those "activist

judges"
who would allow same-sex marriages. Ol' Ricky was there, grinning and

lapping up
applause. Every time I saw his face, I thought to myself, "Who the hell is

that
guy? Oh yeah! That frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is

sometimes the
byproduct of anal sex." Great job you old politico, you.

****ed-Off Liberal

I didn't catch much State of the Union Address last night -- or SOTU, as

the
bloggers like to call it. I did, however, get home just in time to hear

Bush
slam those damn activist judges (like the ones who handed him the White

House),
and pledge to support a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage. I,

like
the four or five other gay Americans who were doubtless watching the

speech,
wasn't pleased -- until the camera cut to Senator Santorum. Seeing

Santorum's
ugly mug inspired me and the boyfriend to get it on in his honor.

I'm happy to report that we didn't have to endure "a visit from the

senator" --
remember, kids, santorum is only *sometimes* the byproduct of anal sex.



I thought you might be happy to know that last night about eight college
students sat in our dorm watching the State of the Union address, and as

the
Shrub was banging on the podium about the Defense of Marriage Act and the

camera
cut to Santorum's smirking face, all eight of us burst into hysterical

laughter
and started yelling, "Santorum! Santorum!" I wonder how many people across

the
country had the same reaction. Maybe the number would wipe the smirk off
Santorum's face. It's spreading, Dan, santorum is spreading, and we love

you for
it.

Arielle Lipshaw

Keep reading this week's letters, Arielle, and you'll learn that Senator
Santorum must have some idea about how far and wide the new meaning of

santorum
is spreading.

As for the numbers of people who had the same reaction you did, well, mail

is
pouring in from readers who had the same reaction you did when Senator

Santorum
appeared on screen.



Not sure if anyone else saw this, but I watched the State of the Union

address
on a certain "fair and balanced" cable news channel. Just as our President

was
finishing his heart felt discussion of the institution of marriage

(between a
man and a woman), the camera pans to The Honorable Senator from

Pennsylvania,
"Rick or Dick" Santorum. It's nice to see the grips and bestboys (tee hee)

read
your column.

Sincerely,

Republican Laughing At Other Republicans

Thanks for sharing, RLAOR!



Hard to believe that I could watch President Bush deliver his address, but

I
did. As he delivered his sanctity of marriage spiel, the NBC cameras

panned to
none other than Senator Santorum, looking quite serious and

self-important. I
had to smile to myself (one of the few moments in this speech that I

could),
thinking of you and your fellow faithful readers responsible for the

creation
and rapidly spreading use of the term santorum.

It was the bright spot of the broadcast, at least for this Savage Love

fan. Keep
up the good work!

A Big Dan Fan

I will do all I can to spread santorum, ABDF, but it's really the readers

of
this website who are doing the hard, hard work of smearing the senator's

name.
Keep up the good work, gang!



I want to thank you for all of your good work in redefining "santorum." I

tuned
into the State of the Union address last night just in time to catch the
we-must-protect-ourselves-from-gay-marriage part, which was ever so

depressing.
But as soon as Bush had finished reading his paragraph, NBC cut

immediately to
Senator Rick, and all I could think of was the alternative meaning of his

last
name and how Santorum has gotten his just desserts. It gave me hope. Thank

you.

Erin B.

You're welcome, EB!



Just saw Rick Santorum singled out during Demonspawn's State of the Union

I
wonder how many other people watching chuckled and thought of a certain
substance. Poor guy.

Puking in Chicago

Thousands, PIC, thousands -- and most of them took time to write!



Dan: Where I work, we get this daily online tip sheet called "Hotline,"
published by the National Journal. Every day they do a run-down of what
presidential candidates are up to. Today, under the John Edwards part, the
headline reads "EDWARDS: Scathed by Santorum." Somebody said out loud to

no-one
in particular, "Hey, check out Edwards' bit in the hotline today." Within

30
seconds, a chorus of "eeeeewww!!" erupted from all over the floor. When we

got
to the end of the item -- which I've enclosed below -- about 5 minutes of
pants-****ing laughter filled the room. Of course, the reference in

hotline is
to Mr. Santorum, rather than to the noun santorum, but reading thru the

passage,
the way it's worded, I'm betting that the hotline writers read your

column! Sign
me,

I Thought You Should Know

Thanks for sharing, ITYSK. The item is hysterical -- and I'm betting that
whoever wrote it had to know the new meaning of the word santorum! Here it

is:

EDWARDS: Scathed by Santorum

Manchester Union Leader's Kepple reports Senate GOP Conference Chair Sen.

Rick
Santorum (R-PA) delivered a "blistering" attack on colleague John Edwards

during
a 1/14 interview with the paper. Asked his impression of the WH '04 Dems,
especiually the three senators, he called Edwards an "empty suit" with no
understanding of how govt. worked.

Santorum: "As far as the three are concerned, all three of those

candidates have
their strengths and have their weaknesses. Of the three, candidly, I'm the

least
impressed with John Edwards. In his time in the United States Senate, he
distinguished himself by arguing for things I would have thought he would

have
been an expert on -- things like the Patients' Bill of Rights and medical
liability -- but was as remarkably uninformed as any general member of the
United States Senate on these issues." More Santorum: "The basic

perception in
the Republican caucus was that this guy is just an empty suit, that he

just
simply doesn't understand. My feeling is that he's a nice guy, he makes a

very
nice appearance, but I don't think he has the understanding, and the depth

of
understanding, of how government works and how these kinds of things

affects the
everyday person."

Edwards spokesperson Colin Van Ostern said he wasn't surprised Santorum

was all
over Edwards.



My friends and I just got back from a trip to Washington, D.C. While

there, we
had some free time and decided to visit Rick Santorum's office. There is a

guest
book in the lobby, so two of us (each on a different day) defined

"santorum" in
the comments section!

Santorum Spreaders

Good job, SS!

Santorum Letters
January 16, 2004
Dear Dan,

As the editor of a newspaper, you ought to know that, if you want the

mainstream
press to pick up a story, you have to spell it out for them. Thus, drawing

on
distant experience in media relations, I've taken the liberty of drafting

a
Santorum press release (see below). If Santorum activists forward the

release to
as many media outlets as possible, the story will eventually find its way

to the
mainstream wires. If one big outfit puts it out, everybody else will

follow.
Sooner or later, "tidbits" and "oddities" columns all over the Western

world
will be overflowing with Santorum. If they post the URL, you'll win the

Google
war with ease. Twenty years from now, Senator Rick Santorum will be

remembered
exclusively as "the guy who inspired the name for the frothy mixture of

lube and
fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex."

Uma O.

Dear Uma: Your press release is fabulous -- and I'm posting it here in

hopes
that other santorum fans will download it and send it off to various media
outlets all over the country.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:

Anal Sex Byproduct Named for Senator Santorum

Internationally syndicated sex columnist, Dan Savage has launched a

sweeping
campaign to introduce a new word, "santorum," into the English language.

Mr.
Savage defines "santorum," which is named for U.S. Senator, Rick Santorum

as
"The frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the

byproduct of
anal sex."

Mr. Savage's column, "Savage Love" appears in over seventy newspapers in

the
United States, Canada, Europe and Asia. His effort to introduce "santorum"

into
popular parlance comes in response to a series of bigoted remarks made by
Senator Santorum in reference to homosexuals. To help popularize the new

word,
the columnist has launched a website, www.spreadingsantorum.com, which

includes
a comprehensive selection of santorum-related letters, songs, merchandise,
pictures, fun facts and recipes.

The new word is spreading fast. In addition to entries in the Urban

Dictionary
and the Glossary of Perversion, the site boasts numerous testimonials from
readers who report hearing it used in countries as diverse as Cuba,

Belgium and
China. Google currently ranks www.spreadingsantorum.com as the third most
relevant site corresponding to a search for "santorum."

Mr. Savage says that matching a credible-sounding name with a gap in the

English
language was the key to the santorum campaign's success.

"What works so well about santorum is that a smart Savage Love reader

linked
Senator Santorum's vaguely clinical-sounding name with something

distinctly
scatological, an anal-sex-induced bodily fluid that had previously lacked

a
really good name. 'Santorum' sounds like it could be what that frothy mix

of
lube and fecal matter has always been called, and that's why it's caught

on."

The santorum crusade began in April, 2003 when the Pennsylvanian senator

told
reporters from the Associated Press that he hoped the United States

Supreme
Court would uphold anti-gay sodomy laws and compared consensual gay sex to
incest, bigamy, adultery, and "man-on-dog" sex. The comments inspired a
suggestion from a Savage Love reader that a sex act be named for Santorum

"so
that the episode would never be forgotten."

In response, Mr. Savage solicited readers' suggestions for a worthy

"santorum"
definition. More than 3000 nominations poured in Nine made it to a

shortlist.
Readers voted overwhelmingly for "The frothy mixture of lube and fecal

matter
that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex." The rest is history.

Although Senator Santorum is generally despised by Savage's readership, a

few
fans have challenged the fairness of forever linking him (and, by proxy,

his
family or anyone unlucky enough to share his name) to the previously

anonymous
"frothy mixture." But Savage is unapologetic.

"I understand that there are some innocent Santorums out there. But I see

it
like this: It sure sucked to be Fred and Ethel Hitler of Columbus, Ohio,

back in
1943, didn't it? Or Bill Himmler? Or a Quisling in Norway after the war?

Or a
no-relation Lewinsky? Or an Oswald in 1963? Or Mary Sue bin Laden in

upstate New
York in 2001? My point is, sometimes a perfectly good name is stolen from

a
family, sometimes it's ruined in fact, by the actions of one bad, wayward,
idiotic, or downright evil person, and it's the bad, wayward, idiotic, or

evil
person who shared your name that's to blame, not the general public."

Senator Santorum has declined to comment on the new homonym for his last

name.
But he may have trouble avoiding the matter forever.

In addition to encouraging readers to post links to the Spreading Santorum
website and lobby for an entry in the Oxford English Dictionary, Mr.

Savage has
offered a gift pack including a case of lube, a selection of

santorum-themed
T-shirts and copies of Anal Pleasure & Health and The Big Book of

Masturbation
to anyone who can get a quote from Santorum (the senator) on santorum (the
lube-and-fecal-matter mix).

"Let's keep spreading the word," Savage says. "Soon santorum will be on
everyone's lips."



Dear Dan: I read your wish to get santorum added to the Oxford English
Dictionary. I work for the publisher, Oxford University Press, and thought

I
would offer a few hints on how a collective effort can make this come

about.

Firstly, our dictionary is not too sold on the idea of online sources

being
reliable and permanent enough to warrant an entry that will last for

posterity.
Therefore, printed sources are more successful. If you are able to find a

number
of different columns or articles that reference santorum, collect the

clippings.

Secondly, as another reader pointed out, these should be submitted

directly to
the OED via the webpage:

http://www.oed.com/readers/http://www.oed.com/readers/.

Thirdly, it should also be noted that articles and columns that just

reference
santorum in an attempt to define it are less likely to be successful - if

it
still needs to be defined in the column, it means the word has not yet

reached
the point where it has entered the common lexicon and therefore does not

yet
warrant an entry, it is still just a neologism. Context is everything. If

the
word is used in an article in a way that assumes that most readers will
understand it without it being defined, we are getting closer. Also, the

broader
the audience, the better - niche-jargon or minor subculture slang is less

likely
to be considered.

All the above points can be illustrated with "bling-bling", recently added

to
the OED.

Lastly, not to put a damper on things, but a suitable timescale is also
preferred when a word is being considered for entry. If I remember

correctly,
the traditional rule of thumb for new entries was that the word needs to

appear
in at least five different widespread printed media sources over the

course of
five years. I think this is less relevant these days with new

techno-jargon, but
it can still be a factor.

Hope that helps the campaign achieve some success!

Your Man on the Inside

Thanks for the pointers, YMOTI.

Everyone! Keep your eyes peeled for mentions of santorum in print --
particularly ones that don't mention me or my campaign -- and send them my

way.
Santorum has appeared in a play (see the next letter), and we know from an
earlier letter that the santorum might be heard in a re-make of Dawn of

the
Dead. So at least two scripts out there use santorum, and neither make any
reference to me. Let's find more examples, kids!



Dan: Just writing to let you know that over the summer, I wrote a play

that was
performed in the Minnesota Fringe Festival (the largest independent

theater
festival in the nation). While audiences could have been larger, everyone

who
saw "Semi Autobiographical" (or an advertisement for the play) was treated

to a
santorum reference. I hope to go down in history as the first playwright

to
integrate the term into his work.

Chris Kelly

P.S. I've enclosed the dialogue that includes the santorum reference:

JAMIE: ...and all of a sudden Travis just gets up

and leaves and says he's going to visit his hairy

monkey boyfriend.

SARAH: He called him a hairy monkey?

JAMIE: No, I just heard somewhere that he was

really furry. Whatever, he's gone for half an hour,

forty-five minutes maybe. And he comes back all

disheveled, and it's clear that sex has happened. Are

you guys sure you want to hear this?

CARL: For the hundredth time, yes! We want proof

that you can tell a truly filthy story.

JAMIE: Fine, don't say I didn't warn you.

Anyway, we get up and start walking back towards the

dorms, and we realize that there's this brown stain

slowly spreading across the back of Travis' pants. I

mean, he was dripping. Like, post-sexual carnage or

something.

SARAH: Santorum!

JAMIE: But since he didn't seem to notice, none

of us said anything. We just pretended like it wasn't

there.

DAVID: Well, he had to have realized. Maybe it was a badge of honor.

JAMIE: That's disgusting.

DAVID: No, seriously. How do you not notice anal

leakage? He has to know that lube and cum and god

knows what else are coming out of him.

SARAH: Maybe he was numbed by the recent

monkey-lovin'.

CARL: They could have used that lube that numbs you,

so you're all loose and ready for action.

JAMIE: And here I was worried this story would be too

gross.

SARAH: I kind of like the badge of honor idea. Like,

kind of advertising to the whole world that he's just

had this huge dick in him. That's completely

provocative.

CARL: Technically, we don't know that the dick in

question was big.

SARAH: To leave him dripping like that?

(DAVID groans.)

JAMIE: To be honest, he was only mildly complimentary

of monkey man's genitalia.

CARL: See?

DAVID: New topic.

JAMIE: Agreed.

(c) chris kelly 2004

Thanks for sharing, Chris, and I hope to see your new play transformed

into a
made-for-TV movie/holiday event/very special episode of Gilmore Girls

sometime
soon.

Let's move on to a few more literary selections inspired by santorum...



Hello, Mr. Savage.

Here' s hoping the following humble effort will inspire further references

to
santorum in song and verse:

There once was a schmo from New Shoreham

Renowned round the town for decorum

But when no one was near

He'd stuff a thumb up his rear

And say, "Hey! I gots lotsa santorum!

God bless you, Sir, for all the good work you have done!

Limerick Author Reinforcing Santorum



Dear Dan: "Duck butter" is a floating semen clump that sits on the top of

hot
tub water after you've disengaged from having unprotected sex with your

(now
discharging the resultant goop) partner. I heard this in high school in

Marin
County, where bored rich teenagers, hot tubs, and absentee parenting was

the
norm. "Dude, where did Jenny and Matt go?" "They're making duck butter."

It was
common vernacular. Given the nature of sex in water (which sucks), I think

it's
just a teenage mythos thing, but that's what I heard, so I am submitting

it for
the annals humping-related terminology.

Thanks for being so great! You are best!

Love,

Name Withheld

Another reader claimed that duck butter, NW, was the original name for

santorum.
I felt it was more disgusting -- if that's even possible! -- than santorum

since
ducks and butter are both things we eat, and duck butter sounds like

something
that comes on toast points in a nice restaurant. I'm glad to learn that

duck
butter is the name of a mythical sexual byproduct -- unlike santorum,

which is
an actual sexual byproduct.



Hey, Dan: I was skimming a story on a news website (this one, actually:

http://www.pittsburghlive.com/x/trib.../s_171326.html)
when I read that Rick Santorum's spokesman is named Hershey! Now, I'm sure

it's
because I never matured past a seventh grade mentality, but I just found

that
hilarious.

Crash

You've never matured past a seventh-grade mentality, Crash, while I can

only
aspire to that level of maturity. Hershey! Ha! Thanks for sharing!



Santorum Letters
January 09, 2004

Scarborough pranked by Dan Savage of "Savage Love" fame

Santorum Letters
December 15, 2003
I am truly inspired by your ingenious victory in the campaign to

permanently
stain that despicable excuse for a human being. There is no escape for

him,
because all roads lead back to santorum.

There is, however, one byproduct of the now-famous definition, which might
affect one's enjoyment of a cappucino or a fresh-squeezed orange juice:

Every
time I now think of the previously innocent word "frothy" in other

contexts, I
find it difficult to forget the "frothy mix".

Is there a way to save that foamy, fluffy purity from the skank factor and

the
senator? Would you consider a proposal to remove "frothy" from the

mixture, at
least in the official definition?

Sweet Loving Underachiever Respects Purity

I'm sorry, SLURP, but "frothy" stays in the definition. The new definition

of
santorum -- complete with "frothy mix" -- is on too many websites and
dictionaries to be revised now. I feel your pain, however.



Today I called the senator's office to ask about the definition and what

sounded
like a cute young lady told me she had no idea what I was talking about.

And I
just asked her if this was true that santorum is defined as a byproduct of

anal
sex with the elements of lube and fecal matter and she told me she was

"not
allowed to comment on that." I am going to have everyone I know call!

Thanks, Dan! You're Amazing!

Randy

You're welcome, Randy! And that number, for others who might want to call

the
senator and ask him if he knows what his name stands for...

1-202-224-6324.



I know you've been taking all kinds of crap for spending too much time

talking
about santorum, but I've just heard how to make the "Spreading Santorum"

web
site the top Google result for the term "santorum." It's the trick that

was used
to make George W. Bush's bio page the top Google result for the search

term
"miserable failure."

Here's what needs to be done: Spread the word to all your readers who have

web
pages and tell them to add this link to their personal web pages, blogs,

etc.:

a href="http://www.spreadingsantorum.com"Santorum/a

The link should appear as the hypertext "Santorum" that links to the

"Spreading
Santorum" web page. As more and more web pages add this link, the

"Spreading
Santorum" will skyrocket to the top Google search result.

I hope this helps to place santorum in millions of web viewers' hearts,

minds,
and on the tips of their tongues. (Uhh, maybe not that last one.)

Peter Smith

Thanks for sharing, Peter, and I hope all the bloggers who are out there

reading
this page and linking to it follow your advice. As for the position of
spreadingsantorum.com on Google, sometimes it's #3 on the first page,

other
times it's way, way down on page eight or nine. I don't understand why or

how
it's bouncing around so much...



It seems Rick Santorum is on to your shenanigans.

If your readers try to email Rick Santorum from his Senate Website
(http://www.senate.gov/~santorum/), the site blocks anyone who uses
"spreadingsantorum.com" as part of the return address. So leave it off,

folks,
if you want to write the senator!

As the Senator's site also asks for your zip code, correspondents who

don't live
in Pennsylvania may want to check the online yellow pages for

Pennsylvania. As a
frothing-at-the-mouth asshole who's also an elected politician, Rick

Santorum
may pay more attention to Pennsylvania zip codes than out-of-state ones.
Zip Codes from Fun-Sounding Pennsylvania Places:
Beaver Falls - 15009
Bird-in-Hand 17505
Camp Hill - 17011
Danville - 17821
Intercourse - 17534
Mount Joy - 17552
Paradise - 17562
Peach Bottom - 17563
Pleasant Gap - 16823
Snow Shoe - 16874
West Middlesex - 16159

Zip Codes from Boring Locales:
Allentown - 18101
Bethlehem - 18015
Lancaster - 17602
Mechanicsburg - 17050
Philadelphia - 19103
Pittsburgh - 15260
Reading - 19602
Wyomissing - 19610

By the way, how do you feel about the link from your site to Glossary of
Perversion? It contains a large number of dictionary definitions promoting
violence towards women: beating women's faces in, punching them in the

stomach,
rupturing their eardrums, slamming them against walls and tables, gouging

their
eyes out and coming in their eye sockets.

I was dismayed.

A Fan And Supporter

Thanks for the helpful tips, AFAS. My readers who would like to contact

Senator
Santorum should follow your advice, leave out the name of this website,

and use
one of the zip codes you've provided.

As to the Glossary of Perversion, well, I'm torn. I don't approve of

violence
against women, of course, but it is a glossary of perversion, and violence
against women is definately perverse, right? Still, it seems like the GoP

is
reveling in violence against women, so I'm going to remove the link from

my
website.



The folks at the San Francisco Chronicle are soliciting nominations for

2003's
Word of the Year. Obviously, no word has better symbolized the ongoing

turbulent
relationship between the world's two favorite pastimes, sex and politics,

than
"Santorum." The URL below provides instructions on how to vote.
http://www.sfgate.com/cgibin/article...12/11/word.DTL

SPREAD THE SANTORUM!

TS, San Francisco, CA

Thanks for sharing, TS! Folks, go to the Chronicle's website and vote for
santorum!



This is in response to SSATUOM, who suggested adding sperm to the

definition of
"santorum." I know it may be hard for some of your readers to believe, but
santorum can be created without a penis being involved.

Sincerely,

Delights In Kinky Ecstacy

Right you are, DIKE. You don't need a penis to make santorom. Two lesbians

can
have anal sex -- or two men, or a man and a woman, or someone playing solo
person. All you really need to make santorum is a butthole, some lube, and
something to stir the pot. Fingers, toys, strap-ons, fists, and forearms

have
all produced santorum.



Hey, Dan: Q: Who gave the Senator of Pennsylvania fecal

matter-and-lube-stained
sheets for Xmas?

A: Santorum Claus! Ho ho ho.

Happy Holidays!

Happy holidays to you too, HH!



Just wanted to let you know that santorum is spreading in the Midwest. I

was at
a bar here in Minneapolis last night with some friends and we taught the
bartender to make the santorum shot described in your column. He had heard

of
santorum, the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter, but not the alcoholic
version. He thought it was hilarious, and we drank several of them. You're
right, they are delicious!

Jo in Minneapolis

Thanks for spreading the cheer, Jo!



Santorum Letters
December 08, 2003
Dear Mr. Savage: I am writing to suggest a slight change in the definition

of
"santorum," which is currently, "the frothy mixture of lube and fecal

matter
that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex." I suggest adding the

ingredient of
semen to the definition. While this may exclude certain types of fecal

matter
and lube mixtures, such as the mixture resulting from "pegging," the

addition of
semen as a requisite to the defining mixture will add an additional

element of
squalor to the definition, making it all the more apropos to describe our
cherished Senator. I would also like you to know that the term is catching

on at
the University of Miami School of Law. My colleagues and I have attempted

to
spread the santorum goodness around. Keep spreading the goodness! Sign me,

Spreading Santorum at the University of Miami

Jesus, SSATUOM, I think the definition is gross enough as-is, don't you?

And
while semen is sometimes present in santorum, I don't want to encourage

people
to have unsafe sex just so they can make a little santorum. I like the

idea
that, as currently defined, santorum can be made by two people who barely

know
each other, made safely, and made often.



You have a fan in Cuba. My Cuban girlfriend began enjoying Savage Love

when she
visited me here in Toronto a while ago. Last week I was visiting her in

Cuba,
and I brought your column with me to give her some more interesting (and
forbidden, like pornography and anything else sexual) reading material. We

read
your column together and as usual she had a good laugh. When I explained

the
term santorum to her, at first she laughed her head off, then looked at me
seriously and said, "You know, there are people in prison for over 20

years in
this country for saying less than that about our politicians." She paused

to let
that sink in, then said, "Democracy is great."

Dan, don't you and your fellow Americans wonder, if your democracy is so

great
to give you the freedom to promote santorum in public, why it's so afraid

of
allowing its citizens to visit a struggling little Caribbean country?

Countries Under Bad Authority

The politicians who prevent Americans from visiting Cuba, CUBA, aren't

afraid of
Castro or Cuban communism catching on in the USA. They're just afraid of

****ing
off conservative Cubans in Miami, those famously easy-to-****-off whackos.



I am not sure if this has been suggested yet, but if you can get enough

readers
to setup internet links on their webpages with "Rick Santorum" and point

it to
your www.spreadingsantorum.com page, your page should bubble to the top of

the
Google search engine. This has been successful in the past (i.e. search

for
"miserable failure" in Google and Pres. Bush's Whitehouse biography is the

first
link listed). More information for "Google-Bombing" can be found at
http://www.wordspy.com/words/Googlebombing.asp.

Stick It To Him

Thanks for the hot tip, SITH.



Dear Mr. Savage,

Just wanted to drop you a quick note to let you know that several of my
friends-many of whom, sadly, do not read your column-have been using the

term
santorum in conversation in a way that has nothing to do with the

politician.
Your experiment to forever attach this horrible man's name to a horrible
post-coital mixture is an unequivocal success. As one who is both a

faithful
reader of your weekly column, and one who loves and studies the English
language, let me congratulate you on your successful grassroots campaign

to
forever add the nastiness of santorum to our lexicon.

Word Fetishist

Thank you, WF. Now when will the mainstream press report on this? For an

example
of the conservative bias in the mainstream press in action, one need only

look
to the complete media blackout on the Santorum/santorum issue. Why won't

the
mainstream (read: conservative) press report on our successful campaign to
attach Sen. Rick Santorum's name to a sexual byproduct that's almost as
disgusting as he is? Their conservative bias, of course. Someone alert

Eric
Alterman!



Hey Mister! There were times when your deviation into political commentary
really annoyed me-partly because I'm one of those Counterpunch reading

lefties
who was less than fond of Al Gore. Uh. let's just hate the Bush

administration,
'k? Anyway, I couldn't be more grateful for the "santorum" thing. It's

things
like your brilliant "santorum" campaign that make life worth living. Thank

you
thank you thank you! I really, really needed that.

Loves Everything Funny That Insults Elephants

Thank you for your sweet note, LEFTIE. But you seem to have left something
out... AN APOLOGY! You don't say it in your letter, LEFTIE, but I can read
between the lines: You voted for Ralph Nader! And, as a Nader voter, you

helped
put George W. Bush in office. So while I'll happily hate the Bush

administration
right along with you, LEFTIE, I can't help but point out that you bear

some
responsibility for the existence of that administration! First, an

apology, then
we can commiserate together, 'k?



Santorum is my representative. I am an artist in Pittsburgh and he

embarrasses
me. I made a photo illustration of him with a body that I bet he wishes he

had.

http://www.sextorum.com

I'm offering it for sale. I need to make $2,000 so that I can give the

maximum
amount that is currently allowed by federal law to donate to the person

who runs
against Santroum in 2006.

John R.



You've associated a very foul by product of sodomy to a man's name. No

matter
how awful this man is, I wonder how fair it is for his family and anyone

who
have nothing to do with this politician and happen to have the same name.

I remember in school a bully picked on a girl who's name was Edith Mae. He

made
fun of her and anyone named Edith(this included adults) was a target of

this
moron. I see "Santorum" as the perfect example of this. I'm not saying

you're a
bully but your actions border on contemptible.

Rallying people to make fun of a man is one thing but to sanction his last

name
to ridicule, which belong to innocent people not associated with this man,

is
another.

I did a quick Yahoo search just for the hell of it and found 124 Santorums

all
over the US. Do these people deserve to have their names associated with

fecal
matter and anal sex? I don't think so, do you? I love you, Dan but I'm

just not
behind this.

Uncomfortable With This Campaign

I see your point, UWTC, but I have to ask: When Santorum was smearing gays

and
lesbians all over the United States-comparing us to dog ****ers-did you

send him
an outraged letter? Somehow I doubt it. And, ****, I'm sorry, and I

understand
that there are some innocent Santorums out there. But I see it like this:

It
sure sucked to be Fred and Ethel Hitler of Columbus, Ohio, back in 1943,

didn't
it? Or Bill Himler? Or a Quisling in Norway after the war? Or no-relation
Lewinsky? Or an Oswald in 1963? Or Mary Sue bin Laden in upstate New York

in
2001? My point is, sometimes a perfectly name is stolen from a family,

sometimes
it's ruined in fact, by the actions of one bad, wayward, idiotic, or

downright
evil-and it's the bad, wayward, idiotic, or evil person who shared your

name
that's to blame, UWTC, not the general public.



You're probably sick of santorum stories by now but I thought I'd pass

mine
along anyway, 'cause it's a good one...

Over Thanksgiving I was in central Pennsytucky, Santorum's own

constituency and
a right wing bastion, and I happened to be in a Walmart parking lot

walking past
this big 'ol pickup truck with a gun rack, you get the picture.

Well this guy had some interesting bumper stickers. One said, "I vote

pro-life."
One said some **** about being a NRA supporter. And one said, "Sportsmen

for
Santorum." Oh, if he only knew...

SMM

Thanks for sharing, SMM!



I recently submitted the word "santorum" to the Oxford English Dictionary

and
included a section of your column as an example of popular usage. I made

an
inquiry as to whether this could be considered a legitimate word, seeing

as how
it's catching on so quickly. I haven't received a reply back so far. I

would
encourage your readers to send in enough examples so that we can see this
wonderfully versatile word included in the next edition.

Longtime Reader in Massachusetts

Thanks for sharing, LRIM, and I want to encourage everyone out there

reading
this to send an email to the nice folks at the OED. That link again:
www.oed.com/readers/



Glad for the opportunity to contribute to this international craze, a

little
something for your Contact Santorum section...

The good senator has a link on his website where you can submit an email

with
your views regarding a range of issues. I would like to encourage your

readers
to make use of this wonderful opportunity to deluge his office with

Santorum
related questions or comments. Clever or crass, let's show him how

widespread
and inescapable his doom is. For topic, use "Faith Bases Initiatives".

I can just imagine it, every time ol' Rick hears about this... his teeth
clench... his smile gets a little wider, but blood vessels are bursting in

the
whites of his eyes... each day....closer and closer... inch by

inch....makes me
feel warm inside, and this time it's not from heated lube. Pass the KY and

let
him feel the ass****ing given to him by one gay sex columnist!

http://santorum.senate.gov/emailrjs.html

Send Him Inescapable Torture

Thanks for sharing, ****!



Santorum Letters
December 04, 2003
While I endorse the appropriation of Senator Rick Santorum's last name as

a word
for that frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the

byproduct of
anal sex, and am doing whatever I can to help propel the word into common

usage,
the campaign does have a downside. As a young girl who enjoys anal

pleasure, I
often undertake the task of introducing young boys to the pleasures of

anal sex.
Some of them start out squeamish and full of misconceptions, and your

focus on
one of the least appealing aspects of anal sex hasn't helped. I do not

want my
lovers to expect santorum, Dan! I have never produced the stuff! I find

that
rinsing a few times with warm water administered with a 35 ml syringe

prevents
it entirely.

Please inform your readers that individual standards for pre-sodomy

cleansing
vary widely, and while a frothy mix of lube and fecal matter is sometimes

the
byproduct of anal sex, it isn't always, and, with a little preparation,

santorum
can be avoided entirely.

Squeaky Clean

As I've emphasized again and again, SC, santorum is only sometimes the

byproduct
of anal sex. For the record: Anal sex doesn't necessarily have to result

in "a
visit from the senator," a handy euphemism that's already in circulation.

Anyone
who encounters santorum every time he/she has anal sex needs to get a

little
more fiber in his/her diet, as well as spending a little more time in the

can,
pre-butt****in'.



As I'm of the opinion that nothing's truly entered the lexicon until it's

had a
basement punk band named after it, I hope you dig this: a band of

teenagers
taking part in this summer's musicstop/canadian conservatory of music

"Rock
Camp" in Halifax called themselves "the santorums". I'm sure you can get

more
info/confirmation by getting in touch with www.musicstop.com . Hell, no

such
thing as bad publicity, you'd probably get these kids a record deal just

by
mentioning them in your column.

Cosmic Haligonian

I'm sorry, CH, that I can't mention The Santorums in my column -- not now,
anyway. If the kids pull together a CD or a single, let me know and I'll

see if
I can work 'em in to the column and get 'em a record deal. In the

meantime, I
hope a mention on spreadingsantorum.com at least gets The Santorums some

club
gigs.



Regarding the speculation in your latest column about whether the new term
"santorum" is going to make it into the vernacular: if it isn't, perhaps

it is
because that "frothy mix" already HAS a name. It's called "love gravy." I

read a
few years ago it in the interview with a porn actor and haven't been able

to get
the term out of my head since.

No Clever Acronyms Here

Thanks for making it clear to all the folks out there complaining about

the word
santorum, NCAH, that there's a far more disgusting term for that frothy

mix.
Actually some readers have written in about yet another term for that

frothy
mix: duck butter. Santorum, while disgusting, is vaguely clinical sounding

and
abstract, whereas "duck butter" and "love gravy," on the other hand, are

far
more disgusting by dint of their association with foodstuffs. Duck butter

and
love gravy sound like products you spread on toast points and pour over

mashed
potatoes, respectively, before putting them in your mouth to chew and

swallow.
Santorum, on the other hand, sounds like something you need to get out

your
sheets and/or out of the U.S. Senate pronto.



I love your column, and I've enjoyed the santorum-the-noun saga since it

began.
But do you think you could do me a favor and lose the phrase "santorum

will soon
be on everyone's lips"? I know what you mean, but it still sounds gross.

You
told a girl recently that she was justified in refusing a blow job when

her
boyfriend said his dick looked like it was covered in santorum. I think

this
falls roughly into the same category. Who wants to think about santorum on

their
lips?

Santorum Isn't Culinary, Kids

Consider it done, SICK. In place of the phrase "santorum will soon be on
everyone's lips," I promise to use... hm... let me see. Oh, yes:

"Santorum: It's
on the tip of your tongue."



Your effort to popularize "santorum" continues to pay off. I was enjoying

a
post-work drink with friends recently when a news clip featuring the big

man
himself appeared on the bar's TV. The conversation immediately turned to

that
"frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter", how appropriate it is that the

word
was coined in honor of the senator, and laughter at the man himself.

Now that the use of santorum is well on its way, I wonder if the Savage

Love
lexicon could be expanded with a new word-"boygina." My boyfriend coined

that
one. He's one of those straight guys that enjoys having a dildo in his ass
during sex. I had difficulty with this at first, but he explained that

massaging
his prostate during sex (something he discovered in adolescence) made his
ejaculations more intense (it does) and that a man's asshole can be just

as
erogenous as a woman's vagina (it can).

However, discussing anal sex using "ass", "asshole", "rectum", or

"bunghole"
colors the conversation with a dirty, excretory aura. "Boygina" makes it

sexy.
The only thing I can't decide is whether to spell it "boygina" or

"boigina."

I hope you'll consider it for inclusion in the Savage Love dictionary.

Sincerely,

The Dildo and Daniel W.

I'm sorry, TDADW, but "I wanna **** your ass," is a lot sexier than, "I

wanna
**** your boygina/boigina." I mean, ugh. Boygina/boigina sounds like

something a
pedophile might say, or a fallen pop star, or a man who's having trouble
accepting that he likes to get ****ed in the ass so he wants to think of

his ass
as some sort of cut-rate vagina. Repeat after me: "I wanna **** my

boyfriend's
hot ass," "I want to **** my boyfriend's hot ass," "I wanna **** my

boyfriend's
hot ass..." The more times you say it, the sexier it sounds.



My wife and I have had two boys in cloth diapers, and these ****-rags are

still
gleaming white. If your readers are having trouble getting santorum out of

the
sheets, off the pillowcases and out of the drapes, here's what will work:

Keep a
covered bucket in the bathroom, filled with water and a

hydrogen-peroxide-based
cleaner. Once you find yourself in possession of santorum that you'd like

to be
rid of, drown it in the bucket. Run the garments through the washing

machine
once the bucket is full, and all will be swell.

Daddy-O

Thanks for the helpful hint, Daddy-O! But anyone who produces santorum so
regularly-remember, it's only the byproduct of anal sex sometimes-should
probably give up anal sex altogether and take up, oh, knitting or

something less
physically demanding.



Every time I got to the gym this superhot personal trainer wants me to

finger
**** him in the back hall. I'm always up for gym sex, but I hate how my

fingers
smell for the rest of my workout. No matter how hard I scrub or how much

lotion
I slather I still smell like his santorum. Is there a brand of soap or a

home
remedy you would recommend?

Smelly Fingers

Ask your gym to keep a bucket filled with water and a

hydrogen-peroxide-based
cleanser in the locker room for you to soak your lil' fingers in.



I am 52 yo man and had my first anal intercourse a few weeks ago with

Hawaiian
hooker in San Francisco. I hated the santorum!

But that's not why I'm writing, this is: I have a theory for your attack

on the
senator. I think you are sexually attracted to Rick. Although he is very

mean
and arrogant, he is rather feminine and frail/boyish looking man....

Late Bloomer

Sorry, LB. Senator Santorum does nothing for me-I mean, I've had "hate

sex,"
banging away at some guy I thought was a jerk, so it's not like the

concept of
wanting to **** someone you loathe is alien to me. There are a lot of

hateful
guys out there I wouldn't mind making santorum with-or wouldn't mind

risking it
with, since santorum isn't always the byproduct of anal sex, only

sometimes the
byproduct-but Santorum ain't one of 'em. Dan Quayle's oldest son, on the

hand...

THIS IS THE ****ING NASTIEST **** I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY WHOLE LIFE!!!

YOU ****ING FAGGOTS ARE ALL GOING TO ROT IN HELL!!!!!!!!


 




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