Common Etiquette OT

GENERAL RULES

Never take a beer to a job interview.
Always identify people in your back yard before shooting them.
It's tacky to take a beer cooler to church.
If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.

DINING OUT
When decanting wine from a cask, tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as
not to bruise the wine.
If drinking directly from the bottle, hold it with only one hand.

ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a
taxidermist.
Dogs don't eat at the table, no matter how good their manners are.

PERSONAL HYGIENE
While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this should be done in private,
using one's own car keys.
Even if you live alone, deodorant isn't a waste of money.

DATING
Always offer to bait your girlfriend's hook, especially on the first date.
Establish with her parents what time she's expected back.
Some will say 10:00 PM, others might say "Monday."
If the latter is the answer, it's the man's responsibility to get her to
high school on time.

THEATER ETIQUETTE
Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up after the movie
ends.
Refrain from talking to characters on the screen.
Tests have proven they can't hear you.

WEDDINGS
Livestock is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
Kissing the bride for more than five seconds may get you shot.
Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for the occasion.

DRIVING ETIQUETTE
Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun's loaded and
the deer is in sight.
When approaching an intersection, the vehicle with the largest tires doesn't
always have the right of way.
When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it's impolite to ask
her to bring back beer.