Quantas service sheet

As you are aware Qantas pride themselves on their safety record. So
after their recent "minor" problems I thought
I should send this round in case any of you were thinking of avoiding
them for future flights!! the penultimate one is particularly appropriate

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which
conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during
the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and
correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of
the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilots review the gripe
sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews
and engineers lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual logged
maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and
the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is
the only major airline that has NEVER had an accident.


PROBLEM LOGGED BY THE PILOT: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.

SOLUTION & ACTION TAKEN BY ENGINEERS: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.


PROBLEM: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

SOLUTION: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.


PROBLEM: Something loose in cockpit.

SOLUTION: Something tightened in cockpit.


PROBLEM: Dead bugs on windshield.

SOLUTION: Live bugs on back-order.


PROBLEM: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent.

SOLUTION: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.


PROBLEM: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

SOLUTION: Evidence removed.


PROBLEM: DME volume unbelievably loud.

SOLUTION: DME volume set to more believable level.


PROBLEM: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

SOLUTION: That's what they're there for.


PROBLEM: IFF inoperative.

SOLUTION: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.


PROBLEM: Suspected crack in windshield.

SOLUTION: Suspect you're right.


PROBLEM: Number 3 engine missing.

SOLUTION: Engine found on right wing after brief search.


PROBLEM: Aircraft handles funny.

SOLUTION: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

On 12/12/2010 7:34 AM, mikeos wrote:
As you are aware Qantas pride themselves on their safety record. So
after their recent "minor" problems I thought
I should send this round in case any of you were thinking of avoiding
them for future flights!! the penultimate one is particularly appropriate

VERY old, and didn't originate with Qantas in the first place.

Bob M.