What do airlines put in their food???

Just flew back home on United this sunday and I haven't been able to
stop ****ting for three days! What the hell was in that chicken? I'm
getting these real sticky messy ****s that come in waves, everytime I
think I'm done and I start wipe down comes another avalanche. Then I
just wipe and wipe and wipe but my ass is still dirty. I've gone
through about 20 Charmin *double* rolls in three days. And the farts,
they can be heard like ten houses down. I'm farting nonstop when I'm
not ****ting, and I'm ****ting when I'm not farting. The wife and the
dog won't come near me. Yesterday night we were watching tv and I let
out this deafening ship's horn type fart that rattled the walls and
shook the furniture. It felt like the titanic was about to come out
my ass so I ran to the toilet and sure enough, I gave birth to the
most humongous turd I've ever seen in my life. That thing must have
been at least 19" long. I felt like I'd just delivered septuplets
through my ass! Next time I fly I think I'll order the kosher meal.

I get the feeling you're FULL OF IT!!!!

"Stanley" wrote in message
news:tc4u80tunqe48fh5lpahr4cu7h87a1v6ld@netnews...
Just flew back home on United this sunday and I haven't been able to
stop ****ting for three days! What the hell was in that chicken? I'm
getting these real sticky messy ****s that come in waves, everytime I
think I'm done and I start wipe down comes another avalanche. Then I
just wipe and wipe and wipe but my ass is still dirty. I've gone
through about 20 Charmin *double* rolls in three days. And the farts,
they can be heard like ten houses down. I'm farting nonstop when I'm
not ****ting, and I'm ****ting when I'm not farting. The wife and the
dog won't come near me. Yesterday night we were watching tv and I let
out this deafening ship's horn type fart that rattled the walls and
shook the furniture. It felt like the titanic was about to come out
my ass so I ran to the toilet and sure enough, I gave birth to the
most humongous turd I've ever seen in my life. That thing must have
been at least 19" long. I felt like I'd just delivered septuplets
through my ass! Next time I fly I think I'll order the kosher meal.

i think we need projectile vomiy chick to comment on this one
"Scrutor" wrote in message
...
I get the feeling you're FULL OF IT!!!!

"Stanley" wrote in message
news:tc4u80tunqe48fh5lpahr4cu7h87a1v6ld@netnews...
Just flew back home on United this sunday and I haven't been able to
stop ****ting for three days! What the hell was in that chicken? I'm
getting these real sticky messy ****s that come in waves, everytime I
think I'm done and I start wipe down comes another avalanche. Then I
just wipe and wipe and wipe but my ass is still dirty. I've gone
through about 20 Charmin *double* rolls in three days. And the farts,
they can be heard like ten houses down. I'm farting nonstop when I'm
not ****ting, and I'm ****ting when I'm not farting. The wife and the
dog won't come near me. Yesterday night we were watching tv and I let
out this deafening ship's horn type fart that rattled the walls and
shook the furniture. It felt like the titanic was about to come out
my ass so I ran to the toilet and sure enough, I gave birth to the
most humongous turd I've ever seen in my life. That thing must have
been at least 19" long. I felt like I'd just delivered septuplets
through my ass! Next time I fly I think I'll order the kosher meal.

On Tue, 27 Apr 2004 19:18:03 -0700, Stanley wrote:

Just flew back home on United this sunday and I haven't been able to
stop ****ting for three days! What the hell was in that chicken? I'm
......


Probably just your guts reacting to the American food.
--
Tim C.

"Stanley" wrote in message
news:tc4u80tunqe48fh5lpahr4cu7h87a1v6ld@netnews...
Just flew back home on United this sunday and I haven't been able to
stop ****ting for three days! What the hell was in that chicken? I'm
getting these real sticky messy ****s that come in waves, everytime I
think I'm done and I start wipe down comes another avalanche. Then I
just wipe and wipe and wipe but my ass is still dirty. I've gone
through about 20 Charmin *double* rolls in three days. And the farts,
they can be heard like ten houses down. I'm farting nonstop when I'm
not ****ting, and I'm ****ting when I'm not farting. The wife and the
dog won't come near me. Yesterday night we were watching tv and I let
out this deafening ship's horn type fart that rattled the walls and
shook the furniture. It felt like the titanic was about to come out
my ass so I ran to the toilet and sure enough, I gave birth to the
most humongous turd I've ever seen in my life. That thing must have
been at least 19" long. I felt like I'd just delivered septuplets
through my ass! Next time I fly I think I'll order the kosher meal.

Why wasn't I informed sooner?

"Stanley" wrote in message
news:tc4u80tunqe48fh5lpahr4cu7h87a1v6ld@netnews...
Just flew back home on United this sunday and I haven't been able to
stop ****ting for three days! What the hell was in that chicken? I'm
getting these real sticky messy ****s that come in waves, everytime I
think I'm done and I start wipe down comes another avalanche. Then I
just wipe and wipe and wipe but my ass is still dirty. I've gone
through about 20 Charmin *double* rolls in three days. And the farts,
they can be heard like ten houses down. I'm farting nonstop when I'm
not ****ting, and I'm ****ting when I'm not farting. The wife and the
dog won't come near me. Yesterday night we were watching tv and I let
out this deafening ship's horn type fart that rattled the walls and
shook the furniture. It felt like the titanic was about to come out
my ass so I ran to the toilet and sure enough, I gave birth to the
most humongous turd I've ever seen in my life. That thing must have
been at least 19" long. I felt like I'd just delivered septuplets
through my ass! Next time I fly I think I'll order the kosher meal.

Hey, at least you got a meal. I flew back yesterday in 1st class on
Delta (from NYC to ATL) and all I got was a ****ing cookie/cracker and
some mixed nuts.

On Tue, 27 Apr 2004 19:18:03 -0700, Stanley
wrote:

Just flew back home on United this sunday and I haven't been able to
stop ****ting for three days! What the hell was in that chicken? I'm
getting these real sticky messy ****s that come in waves, everytime I
think I'm done and I start wipe down comes another avalanche. Then I
just wipe and wipe and wipe but my ass is still dirty. I've gone
through about 20 Charmin *double* rolls in three days. And the farts,
they can be heard like ten houses down. I'm farting nonstop when I'm
not ****ting, and I'm ****ting when I'm not farting. The wife and the
dog won't come near me. Yesterday night we were watching tv and I let
out this deafening ship's horn type fart that rattled the walls and
shook the furniture. It felt like the titanic was about to come out
my ass so I ran to the toilet and sure enough, I gave birth to the
most humongous turd I've ever seen in my life. That thing must have
been at least 19" long. I felt like I'd just delivered septuplets
through my ass! Next time I fly I think I'll order the kosher meal.

Stanley wrote in
news:tc4u80tunqe48fh5lpahr4cu7h87a1v6ld@netnews:

Just flew back home on United this sunday and I haven't been able to
stop ****ting for three days! What the hell was in that chicken? I'm
getting these real sticky messy ****s that come in waves, everytime I
think I'm done and I start wipe down comes another avalanche. Then I
just wipe and wipe and wipe but my ass is still dirty. I've gone
through about 20 Charmin *double* rolls in three days. And the farts,
they can be heard like ten houses down. I'm farting nonstop when I'm
not ****ting, and I'm ****ting when I'm not farting. The wife and the
dog won't come near me. Yesterday night we were watching tv and I let
out this deafening ship's horn type fart that rattled the walls and
shook the furniture. It felt like the titanic was about to come out
my ass so I ran to the toilet and sure enough, I gave birth to the
most humongous turd I've ever seen in my life. That thing must have
been at least 19" long. I felt like I'd just delivered septuplets
through my ass! Next time I fly I think I'll order the kosher meal.

I didn't even know they still served meals on planes.

Stanley wrote:


Just flew back home on United this sunday and I haven't been able to
stop ****ting for three days! What the hell was in that chicken? I'm
getting these real sticky messy ****s that come in waves, everytime I
think I'm done and I start wipe down comes another avalanche. Then I
just wipe and wipe and wipe but my ass is still dirty. I've gone
through about 20 Charmin *double* rolls in three days. And the farts,
they can be heard like ten houses down. I'm farting nonstop when I'm
not ****ting, and I'm ****ting when I'm not farting. The wife and the
dog won't come near me. Yesterday night we were watching tv and I let
out this deafening ship's horn type fart that rattled the walls and
shook the furniture. It felt like the titanic was about to come out
my ass so I ran to the toilet and sure enough, I gave birth to the
most humongous turd I've ever seen in my life. That thing must have
been at least 19" long. I felt like I'd just delivered septuplets
through my ass! Next time I fly I think I'll order the kosher meal.



Did you read the magazine in the back pocket? It's only changed once a
month unless it's torn or worn. If you travel at the end of the month
you're getting a lot of vermin off the pages...it's been to the toilet
maybe ten times with 60 different users that month.

The trays on the back of seats have been analyzed and found to contain
even more bacteria than the toilets, so maybe the magazine rested on the
tray as well.

Hey, at least you got a meal. I flew back yesterday in 1st class on
Delta (from NYC to ATL) and all I got was a ****ing cookie/cracker and
some mixed nuts.

One of you got the ****s, the other got a ****ing... maybe both of you shop
around for a better airline.