Thai-ing the Knot (farang marriages)

.....Ken wrote:
"Noi" wrote in message
oups.com...

Gointothai wrote:
Interesting I am also involved with a Thai Girl and would like to
bring her
home (Canada) but I am concerned that the culture shock could be
too
great.
any thoughts on this. My living in Thailand is not a real
possibility
as I
am still relatively young and need to continue to build my massive
wealth
(as im sure all of you have JK)

****Like any good relationships, honesty and good communication is a
must. However, for a couple with cross culture, you multiply the
difficulty by four! My suggestion for your situation is, make sure
that you explain the enormous differences between Canada and Thailand
to her thoroughly. The most difficult thing for her would be home
sick, when you see the home sick signs from her, encourage her to
call
her family. The first six months will be very tough for her.
Encourage her to keep busy and educating herself about Canada as much
as possible. Personally, I wouldn't worry too much about introducing
her to Thai people in your area. The first few years she needs to
learn to adjust to her new environment as quickly as possible. The
other thing you may need to keep an eye on is the Seasonal Affective
Disorder. If you have any specific questions please feel free to ask
me.

Noi

Seasonal Affective Disorder ??? I think Noi has assimilated to a
full blown
Yankee.

Snip
Seasonal Affective Disorder ??? I think Noi has assimilated to a full
blown Yankee.

******I am not sure what part of the U.S. you're living, but where I
live the most northern part of the U.S. border to Canada the Seasonal
Affective Disorder is very real. And when you are dealing with mood
changing, it can effect your relationship. Most Asian people have this,
but never realized it. In the northern part of North America you can go
for days and weeks without seeing sunshine. I have the Seasonal
Affective Disorder for years but didn't realize it until my husband
pointed out to me. In the winter time when I left home for work it was
in the dark, and returning home from work in the dark also. Just
imagine, a person comes from a tropical land with bright sunshine most
of the time how severely can she be affects by this? The good news is
there are a few remedies for it. In a severe case, light therapy will
help a great deal. In a milder case, a regular exercise should be
sufficient.

Noi
First off ....was the girl raised urban or rural ? Where you raised
urban or
rural ? Are you going to live in an urban or rural environment ? For
ease of
adaption this is very important....whatever the culture.

Secondly...listen to the woman....listen to the woman.....listen to
the
woman....what are HER expectations ?? Not your expectations....she's
cute....you are out of the scenario.

Remember....You went to Thailand because you WANTED to.....she is
going to
Fallangland because of YOU......not because she desires to go to
Canada.

If you work, she will sit in your dingy basement apartment waiting
until the
centre of her universe/financial support returns home. Not that
bloody
fulfilling for the lass.

Thirdly....what do YOU know about HER culture and family ? She will
undergo
social isolation for awhile,
it will help a great amount if you can take the time to try and
understand
her culture and her position within that culture prior to her leaving
Thailand.

And.....as Noi wisely said, keep her away from the 'old hookers who
become
instant Thai princesses in Farrangland' .............or words to that
effect. They can be extremely evil to young female Thai immigrants.

Other than that.....be happy.


....Ken

.....Ken wrote:
"Noi" wrote in message
oups.com...

Gointothai wrote:
Interesting I am also involved with a Thai Girl and would like to
bring her
home (Canada) but I am concerned that the culture shock could be
too
great.
any thoughts on this. My living in Thailand is not a real
possibility
as I
am still relatively young and need to continue to build my massive
wealth
(as im sure all of you have JK)

****Like any good relationships, honesty and good communication is a
must. However, for a couple with cross culture, you multiply the
difficulty by four! My suggestion for your situation is, make sure
that you explain the enormous differences between Canada and Thailand
to her thoroughly. The most difficult thing for her would be home
sick, when you see the home sick signs from her, encourage her to
call
her family. The first six months will be very tough for her.
Encourage her to keep busy and educating herself about Canada as much
as possible. Personally, I wouldn't worry too much about introducing
her to Thai people in your area. The first few years she needs to
learn to adjust to her new environment as quickly as possible. The
other thing you may need to keep an eye on is the Seasonal Affective
Disorder. If you have any specific questions please feel free to ask
me.

Noi

Seasonal Affective Disorder ??? I think Noi has assimilated to a
full blown
Yankee.

Snip
Seasonal Affective Disorder ??? I think Noi has assimilated to a full
blown Yankee.

******I am not sure what part of the U.S. you're living, but where I
live the most northern part of the U.S. border to Canada the Seasonal
Affective Disorder is very real. And when you are dealing with mood
changing, it can effect your relationship. Most Asian people have this,
but never realized it. In the northern part of North America you can go
for days and weeks without seeing sunshine. I have the Seasonal
Affective Disorder for years but didn't realize it until my husband
pointed out to me. In the winter time when I left home for work it was
in the dark, and returning home from work in the dark also. Just
imagine, a person comes from a tropical land with bright sunshine most
of the time how severely can she be affects by this? The good news is
there are a few remedies for it. In a severe case, light therapy will
help a great deal. In a milder case, a regular exercise should be
sufficient.

Noi
First off ....was the girl raised urban or rural ? Where you raised
urban or
rural ? Are you going to live in an urban or rural environment ? For
ease of
adaption this is very important....whatever the culture.

Secondly...listen to the woman....listen to the woman.....listen to
the
woman....what are HER expectations ?? Not your expectations....she's
cute....you are out of the scenario.

Remember....You went to Thailand because you WANTED to.....she is
going to
Fallangland because of YOU......not because she desires to go to
Canada.

If you work, she will sit in your dingy basement apartment waiting
until the
centre of her universe/financial support returns home. Not that
bloody
fulfilling for the lass.

Thirdly....what do YOU know about HER culture and family ? She will
undergo
social isolation for awhile,
it will help a great amount if you can take the time to try and
understand
her culture and her position within that culture prior to her leaving
Thailand.

And.....as Noi wisely said, keep her away from the 'old hookers who
become
instant Thai princesses in Farrangland' .............or words to that
effect. They can be extremely evil to young female Thai immigrants.

Other than that.....be happy.


....Ken

Gointothai wrote:
Thank you
Are you in Canada or US and did you find it easy to immigrate?
did you marry prior to coming over or after?
which is better.
I have a very strong family and they will welcome her unconditionally
and
make her one of us. But I do not want her to feel to out of touch
with her
family either, is there any difference between the first daughter and
the
2nd (she is 2nd) and there responsibility to them.
"Noi" wrote in message
oups.com...

Snip
Are you in Canada or US and did you find it easy to immigrate?

***I am living in the U.S. I am not sure about easy to immigrate, for
me it was a mindset and made up my mind that U.S. will be my new home.
I met my husband just before I graduated from a University in the U.S.

Snip
did you marry prior to coming over or after? which is better. I have a
very strong family and they will welcome her unconditionally and make
her one of us. But I do not want her to feel to out of touch with her
family either, is there any difference between the first daughter and
the 2nd (she is 2nd) and there responsibility to them.

*** Sorry, I can't really answer that question since I am the only
child in my family, and a very independent person at that.

Noi

Gointothai wrote:
Interesting I am also involved with a Thai Girl and would like to
bring her
home (Canada) but I am concerned that the culture shock could be
too
great.
any thoughts on this. My living in Thailand is not a real
possibility
as I
am still relatively young and need to continue to build my massive
wealth
(as im sure all of you have JK)

****Like any good relationships, honesty and good communication is a
must. However, for a couple with cross culture, you multiply the
difficulty by four! My suggestion for your situation is, make sure
that you explain the enormous differences between Canada and Thailand
to her thoroughly. The most difficult thing for her would be home
sick, when you see the home sick signs from her, encourage her to
call
her family. The first six months will be very tough for her.
Encourage her to keep busy and educating herself about Canada as much
as possible. Personally, I wouldn't worry too much about introducing
her to Thai people in your area. The first few years she needs to
learn to adjust to her new environment as quickly as possible. The
other thing you may need to keep an eye on is the Seasonal Affective
Disorder. If you have any specific questions please feel free to ask
me.

Noi
"six-toes" wrote in message
oups.com...
Thai-ing the knot
OLIVER ROSE takes a look at why British men are beating a path to
Thailand in search of a Thai wife.

ThAI women are noted for their warmth, beauty, grace, charm and
loyalty. Perhaps that's why so many British men find them
irresistible. In many cases, that longing translates into marriage.
This is now such a common practice that the Land of Smiles must
surely
lead the way in global dating. It's a modern social phenomenon.

Availability

So many Thai women are in or have escaped unhappy marriages. They
have
a fantasy that things will be better with a farang (foreigner).
This
is
enhanced by the mutual availability of unhappily married or lonely,
single Western men.

Not all men who beat the hot trail to Thailand seek simple
gratification in the bars of Bangkok or Pattaya. They are looking
for
something better, a loving and beautiful wife.

Myths and illusions

Western men go for Thai women because they know how to take care of
their husbands . . . but there can be pitfalls. - Picture by K.T.
GOH
The Western woman has given up the idea of being a devoted
housewife
and so the farang believes the Thai lady will do a much better job
of
looking after his needs. Indeed, she probably will as she has been
brought up to take care of her husband and keep the house in order.

Even when Thai women work, they are still happy to look after their
men. In fact, the concept of a Western-style marriage is rather
new.
This may explain the philandering spirit of many Thai men, known by
their womenfolk as butterflies. But the whole game of dating
Thailand's beautiful women can be fraught with illusion and
misunderstanding.

Many Western men come to Thailand knowing nothing of Thai culture
and
takes little trouble to find out. He heads straight for the bars
and
then makes a messy business of marrying a bar girl.

He takes her back to his country where, in many cases, she feels
like
a
fish out of water. And then he's surprised when his whole house is
taken over by her family. For Thais, loyalty to the family is
paramount
and sometimes the unsuspecting farang husband can become
overwhelmed
by
it.

Happy with older men

Another reason the farang heads for Thailand to find a wife is
because
he has heard that Thai women are happy with older men. I know a
delightful Englishman in his mid-60s who is happily married to a
young
lady half his age. This marriage is working because he has taken
enormous trouble to learn about Thai culture and to develop his
relationship with compassion and understanding. It helps, too, that
they now live in Thailand.

In fact, a Western-Thai relationship will only work if the farang
mellows his harsh Western ways and bows to the Thai way of doing
things. If not, he will get very frustrated. Openness and patience
are
essential . . . never show your anger.

One argumentative 60-something Yorkshire man was surprised when he
was
confronted by his wife with a knife in her hands. He thought it was
time to wind up the marriage there and then. It was never going to
work.

Marriage is about more than sex

Falling in love is about sexual chemistry and, of course, one of
the
great attractions is the misconception that Thai women are sexually
free. Yet, although Thailand is a free and easy society on the
surface,
not all is as it seems.

Few eligible Thai women are bar girls whose economic circumstances
force them to exchange money for sex. The farang, who thinks that
the
average Thai lady will bed down with him on their first date, is in
for
a rude awakening.

Take the case of the young Thai lady who arrived at London Airport,
having been matched with a Brit, only to discover that her new man
wanted to have sex even before he got her home. She fled in disgust
to
the agent who desperately tried to find her another partner. So
much
for cross-cultural understanding.

Money misunderstandings

Money. This is probably the biggest cause of all misunderstanding.
The
exchange rates make the farang appear a rich man when he is in
Thailand
and the Thai lady is often deceived by this illusion of wealth.
Little
does she realise that, back in his own country, where the cost of
living may be three or four times as much, her man has a very
ordinary
income.

In addition, many Thai ladies have a simplistic idea of how to use
money: they believe that, if it's there, it's to be spent; no
budgeting, no saving. And, credit cards, well, they can be lethal.

There was the German who married a Thai and was posted to North
Korea
while she remained in Bangkok. He made the mistake of leaving her
with
his credit card and was then surprised when his German bank phoned
him
and asked why he was =A320,000 (RM140,000) overdrawn.

End of marriage. Yet, who was to blame?

Where you have the heady combination of infatuation and money,
there
lies a recipe for many a tragicomic story.

Take the case of the Briton, a married man with a family back home,
who
visited Thailand and fell in love with a beautiful Chiang Mai girl.
When he returned to the UK, he gave her an allowance of =A31,500 a
month.

Well, don't be surprised that it went to her head and she began to
ask for more. There he was, paying her all this money and trying to
make ends meet in the most expensive country in the European Union.

And, when a friend suggested he should fly out to resolve the
situation, the silly man had to explain that he no longer had
enough
money to pay for an air ticket.

Patience is a virtue

A cross-cultural relationship is full of hurdles that need to be
jumped
with care. If not, the fall can be heavy. At the start, there is so
much myth and illusion that need to be swept away before any normal
relationship can begin.

A wise American friend of mine took two years to woo his Thai lady
and
it has taken a further five difficult years to make it a successful
one.

There's a lesson in that. W

Gointothai wrote:
Thank you
Are you in Canada or US and did you find it easy to immigrate?
did you marry prior to coming over or after?
which is better.
I have a very strong family and they will welcome her unconditionally
and
make her one of us. But I do not want her to feel to out of touch
with her
family either, is there any difference between the first daughter and
the
2nd (she is 2nd) and there responsibility to them.
"Noi" wrote in message
oups.com...

Snip
Are you in Canada or US and did you find it easy to immigrate?

***I am living in the U.S. I am not sure about easy to immigrate, for
me it was a mindset and made up my mind that U.S. will be my new home.
I met my husband just before I graduated from a University in the U.S.

Snip
did you marry prior to coming over or after? which is better. I have a
very strong family and they will welcome her unconditionally and make
her one of us. But I do not want her to feel to out of touch with her
family either, is there any difference between the first daughter and
the 2nd (she is 2nd) and there responsibility to them.

*** Sorry, I can't really answer that question since I am the only
child in my family, and a very independent person at that.

Noi

Gointothai wrote:
Interesting I am also involved with a Thai Girl and would like to
bring her
home (Canada) but I am concerned that the culture shock could be
too
great.
any thoughts on this. My living in Thailand is not a real
possibility
as I
am still relatively young and need to continue to build my massive
wealth
(as im sure all of you have JK)

****Like any good relationships, honesty and good communication is a
must. However, for a couple with cross culture, you multiply the
difficulty by four! My suggestion for your situation is, make sure
that you explain the enormous differences between Canada and Thailand
to her thoroughly. The most difficult thing for her would be home
sick, when you see the home sick signs from her, encourage her to
call
her family. The first six months will be very tough for her.
Encourage her to keep busy and educating herself about Canada as much
as possible. Personally, I wouldn't worry too much about introducing
her to Thai people in your area. The first few years she needs to
learn to adjust to her new environment as quickly as possible. The
other thing you may need to keep an eye on is the Seasonal Affective
Disorder. If you have any specific questions please feel free to ask
me.

Noi
"six-toes" wrote in message
oups.com...
Thai-ing the knot
OLIVER ROSE takes a look at why British men are beating a path to
Thailand in search of a Thai wife.

ThAI women are noted for their warmth, beauty, grace, charm and
loyalty. Perhaps that's why so many British men find them
irresistible. In many cases, that longing translates into marriage.
This is now such a common practice that the Land of Smiles must
surely
lead the way in global dating. It's a modern social phenomenon.

Availability

So many Thai women are in or have escaped unhappy marriages. They
have
a fantasy that things will be better with a farang (foreigner).
This
is
enhanced by the mutual availability of unhappily married or lonely,
single Western men.

Not all men who beat the hot trail to Thailand seek simple
gratification in the bars of Bangkok or Pattaya. They are looking
for
something better, a loving and beautiful wife.

Myths and illusions

Western men go for Thai women because they know how to take care of
their husbands . . . but there can be pitfalls. - Picture by K.T.
GOH
The Western woman has given up the idea of being a devoted
housewife
and so the farang believes the Thai lady will do a much better job
of
looking after his needs. Indeed, she probably will as she has been
brought up to take care of her husband and keep the house in order.

Even when Thai women work, they are still happy to look after their
men. In fact, the concept of a Western-style marriage is rather
new.
This may explain the philandering spirit of many Thai men, known by
their womenfolk as butterflies. But the whole game of dating
Thailand's beautiful women can be fraught with illusion and
misunderstanding.

Many Western men come to Thailand knowing nothing of Thai culture
and
takes little trouble to find out. He heads straight for the bars
and
then makes a messy business of marrying a bar girl.

He takes her back to his country where, in many cases, she feels
like
a
fish out of water. And then he's surprised when his whole house is
taken over by her family. For Thais, loyalty to the family is
paramount
and sometimes the unsuspecting farang husband can become
overwhelmed
by
it.

Happy with older men

Another reason the farang heads for Thailand to find a wife is
because
he has heard that Thai women are happy with older men. I know a
delightful Englishman in his mid-60s who is happily married to a
young
lady half his age. This marriage is working because he has taken
enormous trouble to learn about Thai culture and to develop his
relationship with compassion and understanding. It helps, too, that
they now live in Thailand.

In fact, a Western-Thai relationship will only work if the farang
mellows his harsh Western ways and bows to the Thai way of doing
things. If not, he will get very frustrated. Openness and patience
are
essential . . . never show your anger.

One argumentative 60-something Yorkshire man was surprised when he
was
confronted by his wife with a knife in her hands. He thought it was
time to wind up the marriage there and then. It was never going to
work.

Marriage is about more than sex

Falling in love is about sexual chemistry and, of course, one of
the
great attractions is the misconception that Thai women are sexually
free. Yet, although Thailand is a free and easy society on the
surface,
not all is as it seems.

Few eligible Thai women are bar girls whose economic circumstances
force them to exchange money for sex. The farang, who thinks that
the
average Thai lady will bed down with him on their first date, is in
for
a rude awakening.

Take the case of the young Thai lady who arrived at London Airport,
having been matched with a Brit, only to discover that her new man
wanted to have sex even before he got her home. She fled in disgust
to
the agent who desperately tried to find her another partner. So
much
for cross-cultural understanding.

Money misunderstandings

Money. This is probably the biggest cause of all misunderstanding.
The
exchange rates make the farang appear a rich man when he is in
Thailand
and the Thai lady is often deceived by this illusion of wealth.
Little
does she realise that, back in his own country, where the cost of
living may be three or four times as much, her man has a very
ordinary
income.

In addition, many Thai ladies have a simplistic idea of how to use
money: they believe that, if it's there, it's to be spent; no
budgeting, no saving. And, credit cards, well, they can be lethal.

There was the German who married a Thai and was posted to North
Korea
while she remained in Bangkok. He made the mistake of leaving her
with
his credit card and was then surprised when his German bank phoned
him
and asked why he was =A320,000 (RM140,000) overdrawn.

End of marriage. Yet, who was to blame?

Where you have the heady combination of infatuation and money,
there
lies a recipe for many a tragicomic story.

Take the case of the Briton, a married man with a family back home,
who
visited Thailand and fell in love with a beautiful Chiang Mai girl.
When he returned to the UK, he gave her an allowance of =A31,500 a
month.

Well, don't be surprised that it went to her head and she began to
ask for more. There he was, paying her all this money and trying to
make ends meet in the most expensive country in the European Union.

And, when a friend suggested he should fly out to resolve the
situation, the silly man had to explain that he no longer had
enough
money to pay for an air ticket.

Patience is a virtue

A cross-cultural relationship is full of hurdles that need to be
jumped
with care. If not, the fall can be heavy. At the start, there is so
much myth and illusion that need to be swept away before any normal
relationship can begin.

A wise American friend of mine took two years to woo his Thai lady
and
it has taken a further five difficult years to make it a successful
one.

There's a lesson in that. W

"Noi" wrote in message

******I am not sure what part of the U.S. you're living, but where I
live the most northern part of the U.S. border to Canada the Seasonal
Affective Disorder is very real. And when you are dealing with mood
changing, it can effect your relationship. Most Asian people have this,
but never realized it. In the northern part of North America you can go
for days and weeks without seeing sunshine. I have the Seasonal
Affective Disorder for years but didn't realize it until my husband
pointed out to me. In the winter time when I left home for work it was
in the dark, and returning home from work in the dark also. Just
imagine, a person comes from a tropical land with bright sunshine most
of the time how severely can she be affects by this? The good news is
there are a few remedies for it. In a severe case, light therapy will
help a great deal. In a milder case, a regular exercise should be
sufficient.

Noi

Hi Noi,

I agree SAD is a tangible mental health concern. I was making light of the
fact that many U.S. residents
have a very limited geographical grip on reality and that anyone North of
the 49th is bound in winter darkness. You are obviously an exception...I
apologize.

My wife (from Chiengmai) was probably more impressed with the long hours of
daylight in the summer but
also as how 'white' she would get in the winter. This is on the Vancouver
Island, not the US, but near enough to share a comparable climate to the
Seattle area.

Now that is something you and I could market in Thailand ...lack of winter
sun !

best regards...Ken

wrote in message
...
"My Hobby" wrote:
snip
- Prepare her arrival by contacting the Thai Embassy and trying to
locate Thai stuff nearby your home: Food shop, Thai restaurants,
Temples and, if you can, Thai expats living there.

Not sure if The Thai expat population in Canada is much different than
Los Angeles, but one of the things I frequently found is that many of
the
Thais in L.A. (there are many) are a pretty bad lot and are quick to
take
advantage of the new arrival. And they also lead them into trouble
easily. Be careful of associations with local Thais.

Here in the North Hollywood area of Los Angeles, I've found quite the
opposite to be the rule. The Thais with whom we associate, business or
social, are all good people. Maybe if you spend more time at a small
local Wat or Pana Sala, you will meet a better class of people.

With Metta,

--
Nick. To help with tsunami relief, go to: http://usafreedomcorps.gov/


Thank a Veteran and Support Our Troops. You are not forgotten. Thanks ! !
!

That's exactly the area I'm talking about. They weren't my associations, but
observations of a number of others being taken advantage of, despite my
attempts to warn them. And just because you meet someone at a wat doesn't
mean they are good people. I saw some very bad examples when people met at a
small wat I frequented in east San Diego county as well as the big wat in
north Hollywood. One of those cases was the worst case scenario of a
American guy who brought his Thai fiance over, married her, and 6 months
later she was working the full operation on him, had him jailed, claimed
abuse, wanted everything he had, and it was all being orchestrated by
another couple (American husband, Thai wife) they met at the small wat.

Thank you for your answers "noi" and to the rest who put insightful comments
I hope i am able to bring my Sudsaijai back with me but i am headed to
Afganastan for 6 months on a project so it will be a while till i can see
her again.
Ciao for now
Dave
"Noi" wrote in message
oups.com...
Gointothai wrote:
Thank you
Are you in Canada or US and did you find it easy to immigrate?
did you marry prior to coming over or after?
which is better.
I have a very strong family and they will welcome her unconditionally
and
make her one of us. But I do not want her to feel to out of touch
with her
family either, is there any difference between the first daughter and
the
2nd (she is 2nd) and there responsibility to them.
"Noi" wrote in message
oups.com...

Snip
Are you in Canada or US and did you find it easy to immigrate?

***I am living in the U.S. I am not sure about easy to immigrate, for
me it was a mindset and made up my mind that U.S. will be my new home.
I met my husband just before I graduated from a University in the U.S.

Snip
did you marry prior to coming over or after? which is better. I have a
very strong family and they will welcome her unconditionally and make
her one of us. But I do not want her to feel to out of touch with her
family either, is there any difference between the first daughter and
the 2nd (she is 2nd) and there responsibility to them.

*** Sorry, I can't really answer that question since I am the only
child in my family, and a very independent person at that.

Noi

Gointothai wrote:
Interesting I am also involved with a Thai Girl and would like to
bring her
home (Canada) but I am concerned that the culture shock could be
too
great.
any thoughts on this. My living in Thailand is not a real
possibility
as I
am still relatively young and need to continue to build my massive
wealth
(as im sure all of you have JK)

****Like any good relationships, honesty and good communication is a
must. However, for a couple with cross culture, you multiply the
difficulty by four! My suggestion for your situation is, make sure
that you explain the enormous differences between Canada and Thailand
to her thoroughly. The most difficult thing for her would be home
sick, when you see the home sick signs from her, encourage her to
call
her family. The first six months will be very tough for her.
Encourage her to keep busy and educating herself about Canada as much
as possible. Personally, I wouldn't worry too much about introducing
her to Thai people in your area. The first few years she needs to
learn to adjust to her new environment as quickly as possible. The
other thing you may need to keep an eye on is the Seasonal Affective
Disorder. If you have any specific questions please feel free to ask
me.

Noi
"six-toes" wrote in message
oups.com...
Thai-ing the knot
OLIVER ROSE takes a look at why British men are beating a path to
Thailand in search of a Thai wife.

ThAI women are noted for their warmth, beauty, grace, charm and
loyalty. Perhaps that's why so many British men find them
irresistible. In many cases, that longing translates into marriage.
This is now such a common practice that the Land of Smiles must
surely
lead the way in global dating. It's a modern social phenomenon.

Availability

So many Thai women are in or have escaped unhappy marriages. They
have
a fantasy that things will be better with a farang (foreigner).
This
is
enhanced by the mutual availability of unhappily married or lonely,
single Western men.

Not all men who beat the hot trail to Thailand seek simple
gratification in the bars of Bangkok or Pattaya. They are looking
for
something better, a loving and beautiful wife.

Myths and illusions

Western men go for Thai women because they know how to take care of
their husbands . . . but there can be pitfalls. - Picture by K.T.
GOH
The Western woman has given up the idea of being a devoted
housewife
and so the farang believes the Thai lady will do a much better job
of
looking after his needs. Indeed, she probably will as she has been
brought up to take care of her husband and keep the house in order.

Even when Thai women work, they are still happy to look after their
men. In fact, the concept of a Western-style marriage is rather
new.
This may explain the philandering spirit of many Thai men, known by
their womenfolk as butterflies. But the whole game of dating
Thailand's beautiful women can be fraught with illusion and
misunderstanding.

Many Western men come to Thailand knowing nothing of Thai culture
and
takes little trouble to find out. He heads straight for the bars
and
then makes a messy business of marrying a bar girl.

He takes her back to his country where, in many cases, she feels
like
a
fish out of water. And then he's surprised when his whole house is
taken over by her family. For Thais, loyalty to the family is
paramount
and sometimes the unsuspecting farang husband can become
overwhelmed
by
it.

Happy with older men

Another reason the farang heads for Thailand to find a wife is
because
he has heard that Thai women are happy with older men. I know a
delightful Englishman in his mid-60s who is happily married to a
young
lady half his age. This marriage is working because he has taken
enormous trouble to learn about Thai culture and to develop his
relationship with compassion and understanding. It helps, too, that
they now live in Thailand.

In fact, a Western-Thai relationship will only work if the farang
mellows his harsh Western ways and bows to the Thai way of doing
things. If not, he will get very frustrated. Openness and patience
are
essential . . . never show your anger.

One argumentative 60-something Yorkshire man was surprised when he
was
confronted by his wife with a knife in her hands. He thought it was
time to wind up the marriage there and then. It was never going to
work.

Marriage is about more than sex

Falling in love is about sexual chemistry and, of course, one of
the
great attractions is the misconception that Thai women are sexually
free. Yet, although Thailand is a free and easy society on the
surface,
not all is as it seems.

Few eligible Thai women are bar girls whose economic circumstances
force them to exchange money for sex. The farang, who thinks that
the
average Thai lady will bed down with him on their first date, is in
for
a rude awakening.

Take the case of the young Thai lady who arrived at London Airport,
having been matched with a Brit, only to discover that her new man
wanted to have sex even before he got her home. She fled in disgust
to
the agent who desperately tried to find her another partner. So
much
for cross-cultural understanding.

Money misunderstandings

Money. This is probably the biggest cause of all misunderstanding.
The
exchange rates make the farang appear a rich man when he is in
Thailand
and the Thai lady is often deceived by this illusion of wealth.
Little
does she realise that, back in his own country, where the cost of
living may be three or four times as much, her man has a very
ordinary
income.

In addition, many Thai ladies have a simplistic idea of how to use
money: they believe that, if it's there, it's to be spent; no
budgeting, no saving. And, credit cards, well, they can be lethal.

There was the German who married a Thai and was posted to North
Korea
while she remained in Bangkok. He made the mistake of leaving her
with
his credit card and was then surprised when his German bank phoned
him
and asked why he was £20,000 (RM140,000) overdrawn.

End of marriage. Yet, who was to blame?

Where you have the heady combination of infatuation and money,
there
lies a recipe for many a tragicomic story.

Take the case of the Briton, a married man with a family back home,
who
visited Thailand and fell in love with a beautiful Chiang Mai girl.
When he returned to the UK, he gave her an allowance of £1,500 a
month.

Well, don't be surprised that it went to her head and she began to
ask for more. There he was, paying her all this money and trying to
make ends meet in the most expensive country in the European Union.

And, when a friend suggested he should fly out to resolve the
situation, the silly man had to explain that he no longer had
enough
money to pay for an air ticket.

Patience is a virtue

A cross-cultural relationship is full of hurdles that need to be
jumped
with care. If not, the fall can be heavy. At the start, there is so
much myth and illusion that need to be swept away before any normal
relationship can begin.

A wise American friend of mine took two years to woo his Thai lady
and
it has taken a further five difficult years to make it a successful
one.

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--

"....Ken" wrote in message
news:lAeRd.417405$6l.9010@pd7tw2no...

"Noi" wrote in message

******I am not sure what part of the U.S. you're living, but where I
live the most northern part of the U.S. border to Canada the Seasonal
Affective Disorder is very real. And when you are dealing with mood
changing, it can effect your relationship. Most Asian people have this,
but never realized it. In the northern part of North America you can go
for days and weeks without seeing sunshine. I have the Seasonal
Affective Disorder for years but didn't realize it until my husband
pointed out to me. In the winter time when I left home for work it was
in the dark, and returning home from work in the dark also. Just
imagine, a person comes from a tropical land with bright sunshine most
of the time how severely can she be affects by this? The good news is
there are a few remedies for it. In a severe case, light therapy will
help a great deal. In a milder case, a regular exercise should be
sufficient.

Noi

Hi Noi,

I agree SAD is a tangible mental health concern. I was making light of the
fact that many U.S. residents
have a very limited geographical grip on reality and that anyone North of
the 49th is bound in winter darkness. You are obviously an exception...I
apologize.

And it made me think about how some Americans think they have SAD because
they missed their favorite TV show...
Not to make light of SAD -
Of course it is real and most people are affected to some degree.
I know I am.

--Phil C

My wife (from Chiengmai) was probably more impressed with the long hours
of
daylight in the summer but
also as how 'white' she would get in the winter. This is on the Vancouver
Island, not the US, but near enough to share a comparable climate to the
Seattle area.

Now that is something you and I could market in Thailand ...lack of winter
sun !

best regards...Ken