How do I avoid looking and acting American while traveling in Europe?

In article ,
(Mean Mr Mustard) wrote:

Unfortunately, I drew the short straw and will be heading to Europe on
a business trip this summer. Now my primary concern is just making
sure I get through this trip and back to the US safely in one piece.
I figure this will be a challenging task with all the reports of
anti-American protests and assaults on American tourists.

That said I'm trying to compile a list of tactics that will prevent me
from being a target:

1. Never dress casual - I figure most Americans can be spotted a mile
away by something "wrong" with their wardrobe. Tailored English suit
should help keep me out of trouble.
2. No shouting or raised voices - Always speak at a level tone
3. Show no emotion – No laughing, no smiling, no signs of frustration
or desperation.
4. Do not leave the hotel except for business – When the business
meetings are over, head straight back to the hotel and stay there.
5. No American greetings – "Hey", "Hi", "Howdy" and "Yo" are banned.
6. No hand gestures when talking – especially no pointing
7. Walk upright; do not flail arms too wildly when walking.
8. "Bob's Your Uncle" – Rumor has it that this phrase will stop an on
coming mob of hooligans in their tracks but I haven't confirmed this?
9. Correct words - "petrol" instead of "gas" or "fag" instead of
"cigarrette"
10. Little Canadian flag lapel pin - Last resort, but I think the
Europeans would just assume I'm an American trying to fool them with a
little Canadian flag pin.

Any other suggestions?

Stay home, troll

--
Mary Loomer Oliver (aka Erilar)

You can't reason with someone whose first line of argument
is that reason doesn't count. Isaac Asimov

Erilar's Cave Annex: http://www.airstreamcomm.net/~erilarlo

How about just get a poofy $2000 french hair cut, shoot botox into
your face, and talk like Lurch from the adam's family.

It works for John Kerry, and it will work for you.

On Sun, 06 Jun 2004 17:04:14 GMT, A. Pismo Clam
wrote:

On 5 Jun 2004 23:15:24 -0700, (Mean Mr Mustard)
wrote:

Unfortunately, I drew the short straw and will be heading to Europe on
a business trip this summer. Now my primary concern is just making
sure I get through this trip and back to the US safely in one piece.
I figure this will be a challenging task with all the reports of
anti-American protests and assaults on American tourists.

That said I'm trying to compile a list of tactics that will prevent me
from being a target:

1. Never dress casual - I figure most Americans can be spotted a mile
away by something "wrong" with their wardrobe. Tailored English suit
should help keep me out of trouble.
2. No shouting or raised voices - Always speak at a level tone
3. Show no emotion – No laughing, no smiling, no signs of frustration
or desperation.
4. Do not leave the hotel except for business – When the business
meetings are over, head straight back to the hotel and stay there.
5. No American greetings – "Hey", "Hi", "Howdy" and "Yo" are banned.
6. No hand gestures when talking – especially no pointing
7. Walk upright; do not flail arms too wildly when walking.
8. "Bob's Your Uncle" – Rumor has it that this phrase will stop an on
coming mob of hooligans in their tracks but I haven't confirmed this?
9. Correct words - "petrol" instead of "gas" or "fag" instead of
"cigarrette"
10. Little Canadian flag lapel pin - Last resort, but I think the
Europeans would just assume I'm an American trying to fool them with a
little Canadian flag pin.

Any other suggestions?

Never refer to your trousers as pants.
Better yet; wear a kilt.

DON'T wear a kilt or bi-sexual truck/lorry drivers will assume you're
a German hitch hiker trying to con lifts and act accordingly.

Talk with a Scottish accent. Clued-in foreigners are terrified of
Scots and automatically steer clear of them in case they're drunk or
getting drunk and looking for someone to beat up. (Note that this
applies to both Scottish males and females. Watch out for head butting
aka "The Glasgow Kiss"; an assault so disabling that it's treated with
the same seriousness as a weapons attack in Scottish courts.)

If you can imitate a Glasgow accent and insert the F word between
every other word, it will ensure a halcyon, troublefree trip, apart
from police automatically frisking you when they hear your accent.

If you get into trouble, just shout, "Hey Jock - Help!" and a hundred
Scots will rush to your assistance. An offer of beer all round as a
thank you is standard. If policemen have to be beaten up to effect
your rescue, offer a round of Scotch accompanied by beer, known as "a
hahf 'n a hahf" (half a gill of whisky, half a pint of beer).

"jos boersema" wrote in message
...

28. Don't be seen drinking soft-drinks at all in public. Drink coffee or
tea
instead. When you want to eat in public, emphasize the coziness of the
experience, not the feeding frenzy.

28a Don't ask for Coke with your dinner.

OldWiseMan wrote:

"jos boersema" wrote in message
...


28. Don't be seen drinking soft-drinks at all in public. Drink coffee or

tea

instead. When you want to eat in public, emphasize the coziness of the
experience, not the feeding frenzy.


28a Don't ask for Coke with your dinner.

And only English poofs have 'dinner' in the evening, instead of dinnertime ie
mid day.

--
Dirk

The Consensus:-
The political party for the new millenium
http://www.theconsensus.org

Magda wrote:

On Sun, 06 Jun 2004 21:30:23 +0100, in rec.travel.europe, Dirk Bruere at Neopax
arranged some electrons, so they looked like this :


... 28a Don't ask for Coke with your dinner.
...
... And only English poofs have 'dinner' in the evening, instead of dinnertime ie
... mid day.

Midday is LUNCH time.

There's no such think as 'lunch', it's an American invention.

--
Dirk

The Consensus:-
The political party for the new millenium
http://www.theconsensus.org

In Dirk Bruere at Neopax
wrote:

There's no such think as 'lunch', it's an American invention.

So, there -is such a thing.

--
Bert Hyman St. Paul, MN

On Sun, 06 Jun 2004 21:30:23 +0100, Dirk Bruere at Neopax wrote:



OldWiseMan wrote:

"jos boersema" wrote in message
...


28. Don't be seen drinking soft-drinks at all in public. Drink coffee or

tea

instead. When you want to eat in public, emphasize the coziness of the
experience, not the feeding frenzy.


28a Don't ask for Coke with your dinner.

And only English poofs have 'dinner' in the evening, instead of dinnertime ie
mid day.

?

Most Brits I know actually have supper in the evening and dinner around
noon?

On Sun, 06 Jun 2004 19:29:33 GMT, (MacP)

typed:

On Sun, 06 Jun 2004 08:15:57 -0400, Turlough
wrote:

Maria wrote:

Unless he's going to be visiting a car boot.
I've never seen so much lipid tissue wobbling about in my life.


http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/3300011.stm

"The number of children with weight problems has doubled in the last two
decades, with nearly one in five 15-year-olds now classed as obese."


Turlough

You're right, Turlough, there are a lot of private agendas being aired
here.

you'll be delighted to hear that american parents with overweight
spawn are now worrying that their kids are underweight...
because they are comparing them against the average they see
around them....
(known technically as the availability heuristic)

--
web site at www.abelard.org - news and comment service, logic,
energy, education, politics, etc 750,000 document calls yearly
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
all that is necessary for [] walk quietly and carry
the triumph of evil is that [] a big stick.
good people do nothing [] trust actions not words
only when it's funny -- roger rabbit
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dirk Bruere at Neopax wrote:



Magda wrote:


Midday is LUNCH time.


There's no such think as 'lunch', it's an American invention.


Where do you get that from? Not disputing it -- just never heard the
idea that "lunch" is an Americanism. "Dinner", or so the OED thinks,
is the main meal of the day, which you may take either around noon or in
the evening, depending on custom. In the formal sense, however, dinner
is always in the evening.

Steve