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Thai-ing the Knot (farang marriages)



 
 
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  #11  
Old February 15th, 2005, 01:22 PM
My Hobby
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Posts: n/a
Default

snip
- Prepare her arrival by contacting the Thai Embassy and trying to locate
Thai stuff nearby your home: Food shop, Thai restaurants, Temples and, if
you can, Thai expats living there.


Not sure if The Thai expat population in Canada is much different than Los
Angeles, but one of the things I frequently found is that many of the Thais
in L.A. (there are many) are a pretty bad lot and are quick to take
advantage of the new arrival. And they also lead them into trouble easily.
Be careful of associations with local Thais.


  #12  
Old February 15th, 2005, 05:46 PM
Gointothai
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JK stands for joking, it is a type of internet shorthand.
"Broken Cloud" wrote in message
oups.com...
Say Hey !!

Well with initials like JK gets me to thinking !!

5555 Yee-Haw !!



  #13  
Old February 15th, 2005, 06:24 PM
PeterL
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Posts: n/a
Default


"John L" wrote in message
...
On Mon, 14 Feb 2005 14:51:17 -0800, "PeterL"
wrote:

More importantly, the farangs who wants to marry them are cheap.


Making generalities regarding any racial group leads to very dangerous
assumptions. I've known many people of different nationalities who
don't fit their stereotyped characteristics.


That's what stereotypes are. You forgot to quote the previous poster who
says Thai women are cheap.

John L.



  #14  
Old February 15th, 2005, 09:30 PM
Albert
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Posts: n/a
Default

Gointothai has offered us the following clue :

Interesting I am also involved with a Thai Girl and would like to bring
her home (Canada) but I am concerned that the culture shock could be too
great. any thoughts on this. My living in Thailand is not a real
possibility as I am still relatively young and need to continue to build
my massive wealth (as im sure all of you have JK)


I've brought my Thai wife to France 9 years ago and we are quite happy here,
with plans to move to Thailand once my massive wealth is established.
The first year was difficult for her.
  #15  
Old February 15th, 2005, 09:55 PM
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default

"My Hobby" wrote:
snip
- Prepare her arrival by contacting the Thai Embassy and trying to
locate Thai stuff nearby your home: Food shop, Thai restaurants,
Temples and, if you can, Thai expats living there.


Not sure if The Thai expat population in Canada is much different than
Los Angeles, but one of the things I frequently found is that many of the
Thais in L.A. (there are many) are a pretty bad lot and are quick to take
advantage of the new arrival. And they also lead them into trouble
easily. Be careful of associations with local Thais.


Here in the North Hollywood area of Los Angeles, I've found quite the
opposite to be the rule. The Thais with whom we associate, business or
social, are all good people. Maybe if you spend more time at a small
local Wat or Pana Sala, you will meet a better class of people.

With Metta,

--
Nick. To help with tsunami relief, go to: http://usafreedomcorps.gov/


Thank a Veteran and Support Our Troops. You are not forgotten. Thanks ! ! !
  #16  
Old February 16th, 2005, 02:38 AM
John L
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Default

On Tue, 15 Feb 2005 09:24:39 -0800, "PeterL"
wrote:


"John L" wrote in message
.. .
On Mon, 14 Feb 2005 14:51:17 -0800, "PeterL"
wrote:

More importantly, the farangs who wants to marry them are cheap.


Making generalities regarding any racial group leads to very dangerous
assumptions. I've known many people of different nationalities who
don't fit their stereotyped characteristics.


That's what stereotypes are. You forgot to quote the previous poster who
says Thai women are cheap.

John L.


This a newsGROUP

My reply was addressed to the group & was meant to apply to all
posters to the group.

If I wished to make a criticism of you I would have addressed the
message directly to you, but If the shoe fits wear it.

I was making generalities about people who make generalities :-)

John L.



  #17  
Old February 16th, 2005, 05:26 AM
Noi
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Posts: n/a
Default


Gointothai wrote:
Interesting I am also involved with a Thai Girl and would like to

bring her
home (Canada) but I am concerned that the culture shock could be too

great.
any thoughts on this. My living in Thailand is not a real possibility

as I
am still relatively young and need to continue to build my massive

wealth
(as im sure all of you have JK)


****Like any good relationships, honesty and good communication is a
must. However, for a couple with cross culture, you multiply the
difficulty by four! My suggestion for your situation is, make sure
that you explain the enormous differences between Canada and Thailand
to her thoroughly. The most difficult thing for her would be home
sick, when you see the home sick signs from her, encourage her to call
her family. The first six months will be very tough for her.
Encourage her to keep busy and educating herself about Canada as much
as possible. Personally, I wouldn't worry too much about introducing
her to Thai people in your area. The first few years she needs to
learn to adjust to her new environment as quickly as possible. The
other thing you may need to keep an eye on is the Seasonal Affective
Disorder. If you have any specific questions please feel free to ask
me.

Noi
"six-toes" wrote in message
oups.com...
Thai-ing the knot
OLIVER ROSE takes a look at why British men are beating a path to
Thailand in search of a Thai wife.

ThAI women are noted for their warmth, beauty, grace, charm and
loyalty. Perhaps that's why so many British men find them
irresistible. In many cases, that longing translates into marriage.
This is now such a common practice that the Land of Smiles must

surely
lead the way in global dating. It's a modern social phenomenon.

Availability

So many Thai women are in or have escaped unhappy marriages. They

have
a fantasy that things will be better with a farang (foreigner). This

is
enhanced by the mutual availability of unhappily married or lonely,
single Western men.

Not all men who beat the hot trail to Thailand seek simple
gratification in the bars of Bangkok or Pattaya. They are looking for
something better, a loving and beautiful wife.

Myths and illusions

Western men go for Thai women because they know how to take care of
their husbands . . . but there can be pitfalls. - Picture by K.T. GOH
The Western woman has given up the idea of being a devoted housewife
and so the farang believes the Thai lady will do a much better job of
looking after his needs. Indeed, she probably will as she has been
brought up to take care of her husband and keep the house in order.

Even when Thai women work, they are still happy to look after their
men. In fact, the concept of a Western-style marriage is rather new.
This may explain the philandering spirit of many Thai men, known by
their womenfolk as butterflies. But the whole game of dating
Thailand's beautiful women can be fraught with illusion and
misunderstanding.

Many Western men come to Thailand knowing nothing of Thai culture and
takes little trouble to find out. He heads straight for the bars and
then makes a messy business of marrying a bar girl.

He takes her back to his country where, in many cases, she feels like

a
fish out of water. And then he's surprised when his whole house is
taken over by her family. For Thais, loyalty to the family is

paramount
and sometimes the unsuspecting farang husband can become overwhelmed

by
it.

Happy with older men

Another reason the farang heads for Thailand to find a wife is

because
he has heard that Thai women are happy with older men. I know a
delightful Englishman in his mid-60s who is happily married to a

young
lady half his age. This marriage is working because he has taken
enormous trouble to learn about Thai culture and to develop his
relationship with compassion and understanding. It helps, too, that
they now live in Thailand.

In fact, a Western-Thai relationship will only work if the farang
mellows his harsh Western ways and bows to the Thai way of doing
things. If not, he will get very frustrated. Openness and patience

are
essential . . . never show your anger.

One argumentative 60-something Yorkshire man was surprised when he

was
confronted by his wife with a knife in her hands. He thought it was
time to wind up the marriage there and then. It was never going to
work.

Marriage is about more than sex

Falling in love is about sexual chemistry and, of course, one of the
great attractions is the misconception that Thai women are sexually
free. Yet, although Thailand is a free and easy society on the

surface,
not all is as it seems.

Few eligible Thai women are bar girls whose economic circumstances
force them to exchange money for sex. The farang, who thinks that the
average Thai lady will bed down with him on their first date, is in

for
a rude awakening.

Take the case of the young Thai lady who arrived at London Airport,
having been matched with a Brit, only to discover that her new man
wanted to have sex even before he got her home. She fled in disgust

to
the agent who desperately tried to find her another partner. So much
for cross-cultural understanding.

Money misunderstandings

Money. This is probably the biggest cause of all misunderstanding.

The
exchange rates make the farang appear a rich man when he is in

Thailand
and the Thai lady is often deceived by this illusion of wealth.

Little
does she realise that, back in his own country, where the cost of
living may be three or four times as much, her man has a very

ordinary
income.

In addition, many Thai ladies have a simplistic idea of how to use
money: they believe that, if it's there, it's to be spent; no
budgeting, no saving. And, credit cards, well, they can be lethal.

There was the German who married a Thai and was posted to North Korea
while she remained in Bangkok. He made the mistake of leaving her

with
his credit card and was then surprised when his German bank phoned

him
and asked why he was =A320,000 (RM140,000) overdrawn.

End of marriage. Yet, who was to blame?

Where you have the heady combination of infatuation and money, there
lies a recipe for many a tragicomic story.

Take the case of the Briton, a married man with a family back home,

who
visited Thailand and fell in love with a beautiful Chiang Mai girl.
When he returned to the UK, he gave her an allowance of =A31,500 a
month.

Well, don't be surprised that it went to her head and she began to
ask for more. There he was, paying her all this money and trying to
make ends meet in the most expensive country in the European Union.

And, when a friend suggested he should fly out to resolve the
situation, the silly man had to explain that he no longer had enough
money to pay for an air ticket.

Patience is a virtue

A cross-cultural relationship is full of hurdles that need to be

jumped
with care. If not, the fall can be heavy. At the start, there is so
much myth and illusion that need to be swept away before any normal
relationship can begin.

A wise American friend of mine took two years to woo his Thai lady

and
it has taken a further five difficult years to make it a successful
one.
=20
There's a lesson in that. W


  #18  
Old February 16th, 2005, 06:07 AM
....Ken
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default


"Noi" wrote in message
oups.com...

Gointothai wrote:
Interesting I am also involved with a Thai Girl and would like to

bring her
home (Canada) but I am concerned that the culture shock could be too

great.
any thoughts on this. My living in Thailand is not a real possibility

as I
am still relatively young and need to continue to build my massive

wealth
(as im sure all of you have JK)


****Like any good relationships, honesty and good communication is a
must. However, for a couple with cross culture, you multiply the
difficulty by four! My suggestion for your situation is, make sure
that you explain the enormous differences between Canada and Thailand
to her thoroughly. The most difficult thing for her would be home
sick, when you see the home sick signs from her, encourage her to call
her family. The first six months will be very tough for her.
Encourage her to keep busy and educating herself about Canada as much
as possible. Personally, I wouldn't worry too much about introducing
her to Thai people in your area. The first few years she needs to
learn to adjust to her new environment as quickly as possible. The
other thing you may need to keep an eye on is the Seasonal Affective
Disorder. If you have any specific questions please feel free to ask
me.

Noi

Seasonal Affective Disorder ??? I think Noi has assimilated to a full blown
Yankee.

First off ....was the girl raised urban or rural ? Where you raised urban or
rural ? Are you going to live in an urban or rural environment ? For ease of
adaption this is very important....whatever the culture.

Secondly...listen to the woman....listen to the woman.....listen to the
woman....what are HER expectations ?? Not your expectations....she's
cute....you are out of the scenario.

Remember....You went to Thailand because you WANTED to.....she is going to
Fallangland because of YOU......not because she desires to go to Canada.

If you work, she will sit in your dingy basement apartment waiting until the
centre of her universe/financial support returns home. Not that bloody
fulfilling for the lass.

Thirdly....what do YOU know about HER culture and family ? She will undergo
social isolation for awhile,
it will help a great amount if you can take the time to try and understand
her culture and her position within that culture prior to her leaving
Thailand.

And.....as Noi wisely said, keep her away from the 'old hookers who become
instant Thai princesses in Farrangland' .............or words to that
effect. They can be extremely evil to young female Thai immigrants.

Other than that.....be happy.


.....Ken







  #19  
Old February 16th, 2005, 07:36 AM
Gointothai
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default

Thank you
Are you in Canada or US and did you find it easy to immigrate?
did you marry prior to coming over or after?
which is better.
I have a very strong family and they will welcome her unconditionally and
make her one of us. But I do not want her to feel to out of touch with her
family either, is there any difference between the first daughter and the
2nd (she is 2nd) and there responsibility to them.
"Noi" wrote in message
oups.com...

Gointothai wrote:
Interesting I am also involved with a Thai Girl and would like to

bring her
home (Canada) but I am concerned that the culture shock could be too

great.
any thoughts on this. My living in Thailand is not a real possibility

as I
am still relatively young and need to continue to build my massive

wealth
(as im sure all of you have JK)


****Like any good relationships, honesty and good communication is a
must. However, for a couple with cross culture, you multiply the
difficulty by four! My suggestion for your situation is, make sure
that you explain the enormous differences between Canada and Thailand
to her thoroughly. The most difficult thing for her would be home
sick, when you see the home sick signs from her, encourage her to call
her family. The first six months will be very tough for her.
Encourage her to keep busy and educating herself about Canada as much
as possible. Personally, I wouldn't worry too much about introducing
her to Thai people in your area. The first few years she needs to
learn to adjust to her new environment as quickly as possible. The
other thing you may need to keep an eye on is the Seasonal Affective
Disorder. If you have any specific questions please feel free to ask
me.

Noi
"six-toes" wrote in message
oups.com...
Thai-ing the knot
OLIVER ROSE takes a look at why British men are beating a path to
Thailand in search of a Thai wife.

ThAI women are noted for their warmth, beauty, grace, charm and
loyalty. Perhaps that's why so many British men find them
irresistible. In many cases, that longing translates into marriage.
This is now such a common practice that the Land of Smiles must

surely
lead the way in global dating. It's a modern social phenomenon.

Availability

So many Thai women are in or have escaped unhappy marriages. They

have
a fantasy that things will be better with a farang (foreigner). This

is
enhanced by the mutual availability of unhappily married or lonely,
single Western men.

Not all men who beat the hot trail to Thailand seek simple
gratification in the bars of Bangkok or Pattaya. They are looking for
something better, a loving and beautiful wife.

Myths and illusions

Western men go for Thai women because they know how to take care of
their husbands . . . but there can be pitfalls. - Picture by K.T. GOH
The Western woman has given up the idea of being a devoted housewife
and so the farang believes the Thai lady will do a much better job of
looking after his needs. Indeed, she probably will as she has been
brought up to take care of her husband and keep the house in order.

Even when Thai women work, they are still happy to look after their
men. In fact, the concept of a Western-style marriage is rather new.
This may explain the philandering spirit of many Thai men, known by
their womenfolk as butterflies. But the whole game of dating
Thailand's beautiful women can be fraught with illusion and
misunderstanding.

Many Western men come to Thailand knowing nothing of Thai culture and
takes little trouble to find out. He heads straight for the bars and
then makes a messy business of marrying a bar girl.

He takes her back to his country where, in many cases, she feels like

a
fish out of water. And then he's surprised when his whole house is
taken over by her family. For Thais, loyalty to the family is

paramount
and sometimes the unsuspecting farang husband can become overwhelmed

by
it.

Happy with older men

Another reason the farang heads for Thailand to find a wife is

because
he has heard that Thai women are happy with older men. I know a
delightful Englishman in his mid-60s who is happily married to a

young
lady half his age. This marriage is working because he has taken
enormous trouble to learn about Thai culture and to develop his
relationship with compassion and understanding. It helps, too, that
they now live in Thailand.

In fact, a Western-Thai relationship will only work if the farang
mellows his harsh Western ways and bows to the Thai way of doing
things. If not, he will get very frustrated. Openness and patience

are
essential . . . never show your anger.

One argumentative 60-something Yorkshire man was surprised when he

was
confronted by his wife with a knife in her hands. He thought it was
time to wind up the marriage there and then. It was never going to
work.

Marriage is about more than sex

Falling in love is about sexual chemistry and, of course, one of the
great attractions is the misconception that Thai women are sexually
free. Yet, although Thailand is a free and easy society on the

surface,
not all is as it seems.

Few eligible Thai women are bar girls whose economic circumstances
force them to exchange money for sex. The farang, who thinks that the
average Thai lady will bed down with him on their first date, is in

for
a rude awakening.

Take the case of the young Thai lady who arrived at London Airport,
having been matched with a Brit, only to discover that her new man
wanted to have sex even before he got her home. She fled in disgust

to
the agent who desperately tried to find her another partner. So much
for cross-cultural understanding.

Money misunderstandings

Money. This is probably the biggest cause of all misunderstanding.

The
exchange rates make the farang appear a rich man when he is in

Thailand
and the Thai lady is often deceived by this illusion of wealth.

Little
does she realise that, back in his own country, where the cost of
living may be three or four times as much, her man has a very

ordinary
income.

In addition, many Thai ladies have a simplistic idea of how to use
money: they believe that, if it's there, it's to be spent; no
budgeting, no saving. And, credit cards, well, they can be lethal.

There was the German who married a Thai and was posted to North Korea
while she remained in Bangkok. He made the mistake of leaving her

with
his credit card and was then surprised when his German bank phoned

him
and asked why he was £20,000 (RM140,000) overdrawn.

End of marriage. Yet, who was to blame?

Where you have the heady combination of infatuation and money, there
lies a recipe for many a tragicomic story.

Take the case of the Briton, a married man with a family back home,

who
visited Thailand and fell in love with a beautiful Chiang Mai girl.
When he returned to the UK, he gave her an allowance of £1,500 a
month.

Well, don't be surprised that it went to her head and she began to
ask for more. There he was, paying her all this money and trying to
make ends meet in the most expensive country in the European Union.

And, when a friend suggested he should fly out to resolve the
situation, the silly man had to explain that he no longer had enough
money to pay for an air ticket.

Patience is a virtue

A cross-cultural relationship is full of hurdles that need to be

jumped
with care. If not, the fall can be heavy. At the start, there is so
much myth and illusion that need to be swept away before any normal
relationship can begin.

A wise American friend of mine took two years to woo his Thai lady

and
it has taken a further five difficult years to make it a successful
one.

There's a lesson in that. W



  #20  
Old February 16th, 2005, 02:36 PM
R N
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default

I'll agree about avoiding local Thai groups in the US or Canada. One
Canadian is still paying for his mother in law's apt after the Filipino
'welcoming committee' gave her the down-low. She moved out of his house
claiming he abused her which entitled her to force him to pay for an apt
of her own.
If your Asian wife mostly hangs out with others from her country in the
West she won't mature and adapt as quickly. Or at all. They'll just be
jabbering amongst themselves like they would back in the hood.
I don't see the need to suddenly change my culture for my wife's and be
100% sympathetic to it's backward provincial ways. They're Third World
countries! That's nuts.
The best thing you can do for her is urge her to move into the 21st
century and get with it.
Yes way too many do marry a bar girl or the first girl who smiles at
them, and they're sorry later.
That family first thing is a nice idea, but the Western husband just
becomes a 'tool' if he lets that crap continue. Remember tool rhymes
with 'fool'...
Take your time and find one that's got a good head on her shoulders to
match her pretty face. I could have gotten married a 100x in the
Philippines if I wanted to, but I wasn't there to get married. Until
one day....

There's just as many pitfalls when marrying an Asian as there is in
your own country. If not more.


 




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